


What Grows In Winter

by cunttwatula (mindlessadri)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 00:49:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 51,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2793734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mindlessadri/pseuds/cunttwatula
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dead end jobs. Broken hearts. Abandoned buildings. And general human suffering on the shitty northside of a large city. But sometimes life throws you a bone in the way of secretive blond men and tries to help you mend the wounds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. City Infrastructure

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome. Excuse any typos as I must be honest and say I'm a terrible edit. I've been working on this story for four months between work and school. It's not especially long but I did put a lot of love in it and will be posting once a week until it's finished. The story is all told from Jean's perspective so I'm going to try and include a song each chapter that reminds me of Armin. Or just reminds me of the chapter itself. Chapters will be short-ish but weekly. Though, I've yet to decided how to break up the chapter.
> 
> Check the end notes for songs and other things.
> 
> Last thing. The lovely banner it courtesy of @watergirl1968 author of Cherry Kirsch be sure to check it out!

 

* * *

 

There was a bench across the street outside his apartment. It really had no business being there. There wasn’t a bus stop to warrant it’s existence nor a park. They were in the middle of the shitty northside so all you would be able to see from the bench was the monotonous gray apartment buildings across the street one way, a cash and loan across the other, and the twenty-four hour convenience store behind it. All in all there was no reason for there to be a bench.

The first time Jean saw Armin the runaway was sitting on the bench that had no business being there just like Armin himself. The blond looked confused and lonely like he also knew he didn’t belong on that bench, in that shitty neighborhood with nothing more than a scarf and a knitted sweater to stave off the cold and a bulging black backpack. He hadn’t thought much about it - just noted that there was a new guy in the neighborhood and moved on. It might of even stayed that way if Armin hadn’t kept showing up all over the northside and each time looking slightly worse for wear. The scarf and backpack hadn’t changed but he’d managed to find more clothes, a coat, and a way to make money.

When they first spoke it had been after Jean had stood in line behind him at the convenience store. The clerk who was a young woman with red-brown and was never caught without food was ringing up his items as he frantically glanced between the total display and the small bills he was smoothing out against the counter.

“That’ll be a tenner, blondie.”

He didn’t say anything for a minute as he hurriedly recounted the money on the counter.

Jean rolled his eyes. It wasn’t like the kid was meaning to annoy him but after a ten hour shift Jean’s patience was at it’s end. He looked around the guy in front of him. He was just trying to buy some packaged bread, a cup-o-soup, and a hot coffee. He stepped forward nudging Armin away from the counter and subsequently his debate between choosing the bread or the soup. “Just ring me up with him Sash.”

She smiled at him as if saying I knew you weren’t a complete jerk. “Will do,” is what she actually said. “Twelve-fifty. Get your heater fixed?”

“Fuck no. The landlord won’t get back to me and I’m fucking going to die of hypothermia. It not even like I get any sun during the day to help out either since I’m on the basement level. What about you - how’s school going?”

She shrugged as she bagged their groceries separately. “It’s school.”

“That’s a weak answer from you.”

“You’re a weak answer.” Jean leveled his eyes at her. “Fine!” She declared pushing the bags towards him. “The calc class is killing me. I keep studying and I can’t seem to keep up.”

Jean nodded his head. “I don’t work until three tomorrow stop by around noon and I’ll help you out.”

“I can’t afford your services Jean. You know that.”

Jean took the bags, “Since when have I cared. We’ll just make the same deal we always do. If you don’t get your grade up then you can pay me for wasting my time. And if your grade does come up you can make me some of those au gratin potatoes and we’ll call it even.”

Sasha threw her hands up in defeat. “Fine fine. I’ll be by at noon.”

He handed the guy his coffee. “See you tomorrow then Sash. Tell Connie I said ‘sup,” Jean leaned back low and threw up peace signs across his chest.

“You two are fucking morons.” She laughed and Jean waved to her as he and Armin exited the store.

Jean pulled his scarf up over his nose before handing Armin his bag. “Here’y’go.”

The blond looked inside and sighed, “You really didn’t have to.”

“Probably not.”

He looked up at him. “Ten dollars doesn’t get you much, you know?”

“Well it got you bread, coffee, and soup so it seems like it got you plenty.”

The blond just blinked at him. “Thank you. I’ll pay you back.”

Jean shrugged, “Don’t bother. I won’t take it. Besides if you’re struggling as it is I wouldn’t feel right about it.” Neither of them moved. “So you got a name?”

“Yeah. Armin. And you’re Jean, right? I heard that girl - Sasha? - use it.”

He chuckled. “That’s me. Hey be careful out here, okay? You look too pure to be a northsider and people will take advantage of that.”

Armin snorted at that. “Pure? I’m surprised I still give off that aura.” Armin turned on his heel quickly and with an ease that didn’t seem feasible. “Well then, Jean,” his name came out of that pink mouth like dripping chocolate, “I guess I’ll see you around.”

Jean had the sudden image of a cliff in his head as he watched Armin skip off around the corner as if he floated on air.

 


	2. Soup and Other Essentials

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Wednesday and happy holidays! There is a Christmas scene in this fic but it's closer to the middle.  
> I still haven't decided how many chapters to split this into but like I said before all the major writing is done. The ending is being revised and such.
> 
> Banner by: watergirl1968 author of Cherry Kirsch
> 
> 10/10 do rec Cherry Kirsch if you're not already reading it.

 

Jean started to take note of Armin. It wasn’t intentional by a long shot. He’d be walking to the tram and see the man across the street smoking a cigarette against a wall. Sometimes he’d see him getting on the bus or even turning the corner into one of the allies. He never thought much about it when he did see Armin but he always knew when he hadn’t. Sometimes it would be days between sightings and Jean had to wonder just where the blond had went.

Eventually Jean had to admit that his idle curiosity had gotten the better of him and he worried about Armin. The guy was small on these streets; it was a wonder he hadn’t been chewed up and spit out yet.

Jean was just crossing the main road when he saw Armin slip into an alleyway a few blocks down. He looked tired somehow even from a distance. Jean wasn’t sure how he knew this. Perhaps it was the way it seemed his feet were dragging him down, nothing like the way he’d skipped away from him just a few weeks ago.

He rolled his eyes and walked off after the blond still not entirely sure what he was going to say once he caught up. Jean rounded the corner to the alley thinking he’d have to race to the other side to catch up but Armin was only, maybe, ten feet back from the sidewalk. He was looking at the opposite wall like if he stared long enough he’d have all the answers.

“You, uh, always hang out in alleys?” Jean tried.

Armin jumped back, hand going to his chest. “Jesus fucking Christ.”

He chuckled, “Most people just call me Jean.”

The blond didn’t say anything for a moment and then he started laughing the way soda bubbles out of a glass bottle. “You really are a moron, aren’t you?” Armin teased as his hand slipped between his sweater and outercoat with practiced subtleness. His eyes were heavy lidded like he hadn’t slept in a while but his smile was radiant by practice.

“That’s what they keep telling me.”

Armin straightened himself out against the wall licking his lips as his smile became subdued. “Well, you must be giving them a reason then. Don’t you think?”

Jean smirked at that. “Sometimes I do. Think that is. In fact I was thinking we could get some lunch.”

“Pft. Zoom in on my empty wallet.”

He tilted his head to the side. “That’s RENT and I thought I would pay.” Armin looked impressed but not convinced. “C’ mon. I’m tired of seeing you walk around the neighborhood like an alleycat.”

Armin pushed off the wall and his half laced boots crunched on the asphalt. He pulled a box of Cherry flavored Blacks out of his back pocket and lit up with a cheap bic lighter. “Lead the way then.”

“Smoke often?” Jean asked. It was strange to see Armin smoke. He hardly looked old enough to partake as it was.The long black cigar fit strangely between Armin’s fingers and this strangeness was highlighted by the contrast of pale fingers and dark colored habits.

The blond shrugged and took a long drag. “Only when I’m down. What are we getting?”

“There’s a place up the street. Serves ramen, which I guess is an Asian thing. Either way it’s really good. Pretty cheap, too.”

They walked to nearly the end of the block and took a turn into a back alley. There was a small sign hanging above a doorway that looked like a bowl of soup and some chopsticks. Jean led them inside. The place was cramped. There were only four tables and a bar with mismatched stools. It was also filled with steam that made the air sticky and warm which was welcomed in the city’s cold weather.

Jean undid his scarf and stuffed it into the bag on his left hip before venturing further into the shop to take a seat at the counter. Armin sat right beside him looking around the restaurant with new interest. He even craned his neck to look over the counter to the kitchen where he could see the large pots of hot water and other cooking essentials. “Smells good,” he said sitting back.

“If you weren’t hungry before you should be now, huh?” Jean laughed. “We’re lucky too, we’re after the lunch rush but before the dinner rush. All the toppings are going to be at their freshest.”

A young oriental girl of elementary age came over to take their order. She mumbled and put her notepad to her mouth as if it would hide her nervousness. Jean smiled warmly at her and ordered making sure to speak slowly enough that she could keep up. She seemed overwhelmingly relieved after the exchange and looked expectantly to the other.

Armin looked at the menu under the plexiglass on the counter. He seemed to be struggling and after a moment he just looked to her and said, “I’ll have the same.” Once she had gone Armin turned to him. “It seems like you come here a lot.”

“Well it’s right by my apartment, food’s great, it’s cheap,” Jean paused. “It has a heater.”

Armin’s eyebrow quirked up at that. “Your heater is still not fixed? It’s been like three weeks since the convenience store.” A sudden blush started at the blond’s nose and dusted itself across his cheeks. “I’m not a creep. I just remember a lot of things.”

Jean laughed both at Armin and himself considering it was a tad ironic that Jean had been keeping unintentional tabs on the blond yet Armin thought he was the creepy one. “It’s not a problem. But, yeah, it’s still broke. I’m sleeping under, like, six blankets and it’s not even winter yet.”

“It’s almost winter though! I mean it’s so cold it might as well be.” Armin insisted.

“Well try telling that to my landlord. Asshole won’t give me the time of day. Besides it could be worse. I have a heated blanket so there is that. But it shuts off every couple hours and I have to wake up to turn it back on.”

Armin didn’t seem impressed. “You’re telling me that you’re roughly five - eleven, hundred sixty-five pounds with, maybe, twelve percent body fat and you can’t get your landlord to fix your heater.”

Jean sat up straight. “First of all. How dare you -”

Armin looked suddenly worried. “I didn’t mean to - “

“I’m only one sixty. That extra five pounds you are seeing is my winter layer. Secondly, don’t let my slightly muscled exterior fool you. I couldn’t intimidate a fly let alone my landlord.”

Armin relaxed and avoided speaking to what Jean had said with a small smile, “Winter is still a few weeks away.”

“Yes I know. On the twenty-first of December.” Jean felt a smirk slip onto his face. This alone wouldn’t have been something to note but it was accompanied by a coy narrowing of his eyes and a sudden lightness in his chest that disappeared when Armin pushed his stool back with a noisy scrape against the floor.

Armin picked up a small backpack he’d been carrying until they had sat and said, “I’m going to the bathroom.” He stated clearly as if making sure every word was perceived as what it was.

Jean held his eyes for a moment. “Okay. Have at it.”

Armin slung the bag over his shoulder and headed towards the back. The little girl came back with their sodas and the cook came over to talk to him over the counter.

“Been a while since you’ve been here with a date,” she said to him.

“Not a date, Sue. He’s just new to the neighborhood.”

She sighed. Jean knew the sigh too, it was the one she used when him and Connie stumbled in slightly more inebriated than they should have been. “It’s been three years.”

Jean rolled his eyes. “Four. Trust me, I know.”

“You okay about it now days?”

Jean only shrugged. He was sipping soda water when Armin finally came back. To be fair, however, Jean had just been constantly sipping for something to keep his mind off the conversation he’d had with Sue.

“Sorry about that!” Armin said voice crisp and relaxed. “I got a phone call.”

Armin looked fresher somehow. His cheeks had more color, his eyes considerably brighter, and the smile he was wearing wasn’t forced or tired but genuine. Jean sat up straighter and cracked a fraction of a smile. “It’s okay. You look better.”

Armin’s face fell. “What do you mean?”

Jean shrugged, “I don’t know. Like you’re happier. That phone call must have been a good one.”

The blond just smiled as if to agree and sat back down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always kudos, comments, and bookmarks are appreciated.
> 
> If you'd like to have an idea for the type of fics I enjoy writing please check out my profile as read "The End of the World," which it my contribution to Jearmin Week. It'll give you an idea of the type or ride you're in for.
> 
> Music:  
> Mr. Brightside - The Killers
> 
> You can also contact me at cunttwatula.tumblr.com


	3. Lies About a Heater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Wednesday and Happy New Year!  
> This week I bring to you the conclusion of last week's scene.  
> Slowly but surely we are getting there guys.  
> Chapters are averaging at about 1.5k and if that keeps up there'll be about thirty-ish chapters.  
> Personally I don't want to update for thirty weeks so once i'm completely satisfied with the ending and every thing's been revised and re-revised I'll update more frequently. Just gotta wait for life to settle down so I can strap in and actually concentrate on the last 15k or so words.
> 
> Banner is by watergirl1968 author of Cherry Kirsch. If you aren't reading it you should.

 

* * *

 

By the time they were halfway done with their food they were also trying to finish a debate on time paradoxes. Armin inclined himself to a fixed timeline theory which Jean found rather boring in comparison to his branching timelines theory.

“Jean! If you travel back in time you have already made the decision to do it in the same timeline! By going back you are not altering the timeline you are following through with the predetermined fate of the universe!”

Jean dropped his spoon in his broth and slammed his hands on the table. “Then let me ask you this Armin! If the fate of the universe is predetermined in a single timeline then if I were to go back and kill my grandfather what would happen?”

“Oh jeez. The old ‘kill my grandfather’ scenario? Is that really what we are going to talk about right now?”

“You aren’t answering the question. Are you conceding defeat?”

Armin snorted. “As if! In a fixed timeline had you gone back to kill your grandfather your actions would have already been a part of history and failed.”

“Mhmm. Mhmm. Go on.” Jean punctuated Armin’s explanation with blatant sarcasm.

“That’s what it means to be in a fixed timeline! Even if a person could travel back they wouldn’t be able to change anything because the events of the past exist despite your presence.”

“Wow Armin. I bet you are real great to watch knee-slap comedies with.”

Armin rolled his eyes, “Oh like your branching universe theory is so much better.”

“Say what you will but I like to think that at least one me somewhere is living it up in a high rise because they chose to make a left when I chose to make a right. It’s more hopeful than thinking were all doomed to the same shitty end no matter what we do.”

“As idealistic as that sounds Jean I still don’t agree with you.” Armin looked to his soup with purpose. “Besides I’ve entertained your theories of time travel for too long as it is.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Armin shrugged, “I don’t believe in time travel.”

Jean attempted and failed not to let his complete disappointment and shock show on his face. “How can you not believe in time travel! Everyone believes in time travel at least a little!”

“Not me.” Armin sipped his broth like he hadn’t just completely blown Jean’s mind.

“Well, why not?” Jean asked refusing to let the topic die such a indignant death.

“Can not, has not theory.”

Jean groaned and rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. “I don’t even know what that means.”

“It’s simple, really. If time travel existed we would already know because somebody would have traveled back in time to tell people of the past thereby making it so that time travel always was. This isn’t the case, however, time travel doesn’t exist currently because it never will exist.”

Jean put his forehead on the counter and turned slowly to Armin, “My favorite movie is _Back to the Future_ and you are _never_ allowed to watch it with me.”

“Who says I want to watch it with you anyway. Hmm?” Armin put his bowl to his lips and tipped his head back to drain the last of it.

“I thought our little date was going well.” Jean sat up like he’d been bit. “And by date I mean friendly impromptu outing. Just to clarify.”

Armin snorted at him, “I don’t think I’ve ever quite seen such a perfect example of saying ‘no homo’ without saying ‘no homo.’”

“What! No! I just mean we’re not on a date. I got nothing against homo! In fact like half of me is totally all about homo.” Armin stared at him, eyebrows raised and hands placed delicately under his chin. Jean kept rambling, “Homo. Homosexual. I mean I’m not gay but I’m, like, bi? - I guess.” Jean threw his hands away from himself as he tried hard to climb out of the pit he was digging. “We totally could go on a date if you wanted. Maybe not this week though because my coworker took some PTO and I have to cover his shifts but next week, maybe -”

Armin tilted his head, “You think I’m gay?”

Jean’s eyes blew wide open. “Oh God. I didn’t mean to imply that you are - that I thought you were - Jesus fucking Christ.”

“Most people call me Armin.”

Jean would look back at this moment and recall it as the instance he took his first step towards the edge of the cliff.

* * *

Jean led the way out of the noodle shop and was surprised to see the sun was already disappearing behind the skyscrapers. He tightened his scarf and zipped up his jacket.

“Thank you,” Armin said from behind him. “For treating me that is.”

Jean scratched his undercut, “Yeah, it’s no problem.”

They stood on the sidewalk awkwardly. Jean had since recovered from his blunder in the shop. Armin, he learned, was a very forgiving and well humored person despite what his theories on time travel would suggest. Still he wasn’t sure how to go about parting ways.

“You heading towards the corner store?” Armin asked.

“Oh. Yeah. I actually live across the street.”

“Want me to talk to your landlord for you? I mean I’m heading that way too.”

Jean chuckled, “What makes you think he’ll listen to you?”

Armin smiled to himself like he was holding back his true intentions. “I’m a lot more convincing then I look.” Jean wasn’t terribly convinced. “Give me a few days. I’ll think of something.”

They started down the street then. “I don’t know man. You really think you can take on a balding obese guy with an alcohol problem?”

“Physically? No. But I’m pretty sure I can get him to do _something_.” He seemed confident as he spoke and Jean found himself believing the blond. “So - “ Armin began in such a way that suggested he had grown uncomfortable with the brief silence, “What do you do for work?”

The question caught Jean slightly off guard. All through lunch they had talked about _things_ not _life_ details. “I actually work IT for a company. I fucking hate it.”

“Why not quit?”

Jean shrugged. “The hours might suck but the pay is great.”

“So great you can live here?” Armin raised an eyebrow with a pointed glance at the graffiti on the walls. 

“Hey now!” Jean feigned indignation. “That is by _choice_. Besides I’m trying to save money. What about you?”

Armin stared far off into the distance for a fraction of a second before answering. “I’m sort of between jobs.”

“What did you do before you got here?”

There was a sigh before he answered. “I worked at a hospital.”

“Doing what.”

“Helping out.” Armin snapped his head to him as if telling him the topic was over, done with, and never to be discussed again. He sighed again but this time it was a calming sigh as opposed to his previous exasperation. “What are you saving for?”

“I want to travel.”

“Oh, really? Where to?”

“You’re going to think it’s dumb.”

Armin rolled his eyes at him, “No I won’t. If I do I won’t tell you.”

Jean tilted his head back and smiled to himself. “I, uh, I want to go stay at a bunch of haunted motels across the country.” He flashed his smile at Armin who was biting his lip and trying to de-furrow his eyebrows.

“That’s,” Armin smacked his lips looking for the right words. “That’s not as dumb as it could have been.”

“Oh c’mon Armin!”

“C’mon Armin, what?” The blond countered lamely.

Jean threw his arms away from himself. “I don’t know! **Ghosts**! How can you not be the least bit curious about _ghosts_?”

Armin shook his head. “It’s not a matter of curiosity. Even if ghosts did exist why would you want to bother them?”

Jean squinted at him. “No Back to the Future _or_ Ghost Hunters for you.”

“Once again: who says I want to watch it with you anyway?” They’d come to the front of Jean’s apartment building and stopped. “This your place?” Armin asked nodding towards the flat gray building behind him.

“Yeah. It is.”

“Well alright then. I’ll let you go.” Armin sort of skipped to the other side of Jean towards the edge of the sidewalk. His gaze followed the blond the way a cat follows a laser pointer. Armin put his hand on Jean's shoulder and pushed himself up and then dropped back down. Jean’s hand went immediately to the warm spot on his cheek where Armin had just kissed him; he tried not to think too hard about the sudden lightness in his blood. “I’ll see you around, Bisexual-Jean.” The blond was half way across the street when he turned back calling to him, “You can call me ‘Min if you want!”

The blush on his face was profuse as Armin skipped away like a summer breeze. Jean couldn’t stop himself from smiling any more than he could stop himself from taking another step towards that cliff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you for reading!  
> Also, as always; kudos, comments, and tumblr reblogs are appreciated.  
> Tumblr post can be found here: cunttwatula.tumblr.com/tagged/wgiw  
> Feel free to contact me on tumblr.
> 
> Music:  
> Kiss Me Again - The Drums


	4. The Red Harry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's still Wednesday where I live.  
> Thank you all for the positive feedback. Somebody even rec'd this on tumblr and like it was a person I don't even know. I was in awe for like two days.  
> Please keep in mind all of the characters behaviors are intentional. if it seems ooc it's probably meant to be.  
> Banner is by watergirl1968 who is clack-clack-clacking away on Cherry Kirsch.

****

* * *

It had been three days since the noodle shop when Jean saw Armin again. He was loitering outside the cash and loan with two other people - one booted foot up against the stucco, a Cherry Black between his fingers, and coat unbuttoned so it was loose and open. The blond was laughing with the two people he was with like he’d known them for a while.

Jean took two steps towards his apartment and promptly turned around. If he was going to start a cat and mouse game with Armin he wasn’t going to be the mouse, not again - something told him if he was the mouse it was far less likely for Armin to seek him out. He jogged across the street and went straight to Armin. When the blond saw him his casual demeanor changed. He pushed himself off the wall and threw down his cigar to stub it out under his boot.

He hadn’t even reached the group before Armin came forward to meet him. “Jean!” His smile was stretched wide like it might become too much muscle work and fall. “What’s up?”

“I was just coming home and saw you. Thought I’d say ‘hi.’” Jean decided he was an awkward cat. He was saved by his innate love of food. “Want to walk around and look for the corn lady?”

Armin smiled and passed his weight back and forth on the balls of his feet. “Actually I’m in the middle of something right now. Maybe later -”

“Hey Blondie!”

“Friends of yours?” Jean asked. He raised his eyebrow because the man who'd called out to him was almost sickly thin.

Armin looked between the two, “We have a mutual friend.” He looked behind himself at the strange man, “On the way?”

The man shook his head and Armin’s face fell. “Just got off the phone. Harry said he’s going to be at least three more hours.”

Armin was suddenly angry. His exuberance gone and replaced with something dark and sinister. “What the fuck do you mean three hours? I - I haven’t seen him for almost two days!” He walked away from Jean and back to his friends. They talked in hushed whispers for a minute before dispersing. Armin seemed more calm when he came back but no less deflated. “Looks like I have some time now.”

Jean leaned in closer to get a better look at Armin’s face. “You sure?”

Armin rubbed his nose and sniffled. “Yeah. Maybe we can catch a movie at the dollar theater. They’re showing Sixteen Candles. I know you like sci-fi but I like dramas so maybe you’d be willing to compromise?”

“If we find the corn lady first I’m willing to do just about anything.”Jean’s lips quirked up in a half smile.

“Well lead the way,” Armin said zipping up his jacket, still no smile on his face.

They took off towards the park about a block northeast of Jean’s apartment building. She usually hung out there with her insulated cooler full of hot corn, condiments, and various other hispanic quick fixes. “What’s a ‘corn lady?’” Armin finally asked when they reached the corner. Whatever mood he was in he seemed to be trying to shake it off.

“Only the greatest thing I discovered in the ghetto! The lady has a shopping cart and she has corn sitting in a cooler full of hot water. She puts in on a stick for you and covers it in butter, mayo, goat cheese, lemon juice, and hot sauce. Or any variation of those things.”

Armin looked thoroughly disgusted.

“What you don’t have an adventurous tongue?” Jean tried to flirt and immediately regretted it. However, Armin didn’t seem to notice or care which was a bit more embarrassing than if he had noticed.

“It’s not that. It’s just that I’m trying to understand why anybody would put mayonnaise on corn.” Armin pulled out his pack of smokes and lit up while walking. Jean generally hated the smell of cigarettes but Armin’s weren’t bad. It was like a musky cherry cologne and if that was all he could get use to it.

Jean smiled, “I’ll let you have a bite of mine.”

They arrived at the park and found the corn lady by the soccer fields. The sky was turning from blue to late falls customary cold pink and orange. “Here,” Jean offered the stick to Armin. The blond took his third smoke out of his mouth and leaned forward taking a bite instead.

When Armin pulled back his mouth was covered in excess mayo which he licked away with the tip of his tongue. His eyes went wide. “That’s actually not bad.”

“Want one?”

Armin shook his head. “I’m not really hungry.”

Jean hadn’t noticed before but Armin looked pale. “You sick or something?”

“No. I’m not. I just didn’t sleep too great today.”

“When’s the last time you ate?”

Armin thought a moment, “Not to long ago.”

He didn’t fully buy it but reluctantly Jean let the subject go. “Next time?”

Armin smirked to himself. “Next time.” He was killing his vice as he lifted one leg so it was parallel to the ground, putting it down and lifting the other. “We should keep walking.”

“Movies?”

He shook his head again, “No. Let’s just walk. Maybe not to far from here though.”

“What about Sixteen Candles?”

Armin stubbed out his cigarette under his foot. “I just don’t think I want to sit still.”

Jean held Armin’s eyes, “You sure you’re okay?”

“Peachy!” Armin flashed a somehow hollow smile at him. The blond seemed to sense Jean’s unease and surged forward to take another bite of corn as if to say look, I’m fine. “Maybe I do want one.” Armin took a dollar out of his inner breast pocket and bought his own corn done up like Jean’s. He nibbled on it.

“You know, you’re something else ‘Min.” Jean smirked satisfied with himself.

They walked through the park side-by-side. Jean did the majority of the talking mostly because Armin would prompt him with questions. _Why scifi? Are you from here? How do you know Sasha? How long have you lived here?_ He answered them all since it meant Armin continued to make cute ‘mmhmm’ noises as he listened. _My dad got me into it when I was young. No, I just ended up here. Connie’s my best friend, she’s his girl. Eight years._

There were always follow up questions to any of his answers despite the fact Armin looked just slightly distracted. Not distracted in a way that suggested he wasn’t listening but in a way that suggested he wasn’t entirely present. Armin pulled his carton out of his back pocket and cursed. “Something wrong?”

“This is my last one,” Armin said tossing the carton into a nearby trashcan. They’d circled the park nearly five time. “How long have we been walking?”

Jean shrugged and pulled his phone out of his pocket to look at the time. “Maybe two and a half, three hours?”

Armin held the cancer in his mouth as both hands patted down his chest until he found what he was looking for. He pulled out a shitty prepaid flip phone. It had to be prepaid that was the only way to avoid the data charges anymore. He looked disappointed as he opened and closed it. Armin sighed deeply and looked back up to Jean taking the Cherry Black out of his mouth, “I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

He shrugged. “I want to hang out with you. It’s just that I’m not - I’m not myself right now.”

“Sick?” Jean tried again.

Armin let out a small little laugh. “Maybe a little.” It sounded like a joke. “I promise, next time it’ll be better. It won’t just be you talking.”

Jean said it before he could really think and felt embarrassed afterwards. “I just like being around you. So, it’s okay.”

Armin smiled around the end of his bad habit. The first real smile of the night made Jean’s stomach do little flips. Armin looked like he was about to speak when there was a fast paced beeping. The blond reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. His eyes lit up and his smile grew until it was splitting his face in two.

“I have to go,” Armin said pocketing his phone. “I have to go meet Harry.”

Jean scratched at his undercut, “Harry your boyfriend?”

He looked at Jean. His eyes didn’t project denial but there was something sad about them. “Next time. I promise,” he repeated what he’d said earlier. Armin came close and reached up kissing Jean’s jawline. “Bye, Jean.”

“Bye ‘Min.” Armin walked away like he had no other purpose other than to be where he was going. Jean was reminded of a time in college when he’d first started to suspect things were not as they seemed. His gut told him to forget the blond along with his cigarettes and tentative moods. He tried to ignore the fact he was probably to dumb to listen.

 ****  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks for reading.  
> Kudos, comments, and reblogs on tumblr are all appreciated. Speaking of which you can find me at cunttwatula.tumblr.com
> 
> No songs because it's late as it is. Sorry.


	5. Hot Cup Of Something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Wednesday!  
> This week I bring you -drum roll- CONNIE! He was mentioned in the first chapter but until now has had no appearance. I really liked writing Connie - the surprising voice of reason. 
> 
> Banner by watergirl1968
> 
> Anyway, enjoy.

* * *

It was nearly four days later when Jean walked out of his apartment on his way to work and saw Armin coming out of the corner store holding a hot cup of something. He jogged across the dead intersection.

“Armin,” he called and the blond stopped to turn and look at him.

A slow smile crossed Armin’s face. He looked bright, nearly ethereal in presence. “Where are you going so early, stranger?”

Jean’s face split wide open with relief. Since the last time he’d seen Armin he’d been worried about the guy. He seemed fine now, much more the self Jean was hoping to know. “I have to head out to one of the sub offices and replace the hard drives on a few of the units and update some of the software.”

“Sounds - “

“Boring as fuck.”

“Well I wasn’t going to put it that way.” Armin scraped his boots against the ground as he smiled in a shy way. His hair was up today. Normally in was down not coming to his shoulders but just above. It looked to Jean like the blond had had a complex cut before letting it grow. He only thought this because Armin’s hair fell in whispy layers that framed his face. Now that it was pulled up the shorter front pieces had been tugged gently out so they brought attention to Armin’s increasingly blue eyes, pink mouth, and small turned up nose.

“Are you on your way to work too?”

Armin shook his head, “No. I had a long night.”

Jean was concerned again. “Where are you staying? Around here?”

“I’m staying with friends. You know.”

No, he didn't know. Jean looked at the time. “I have to get going to the tram. We’ll talk later. I should be done early. So maybe we could hang out later?”

“Yeah I’d like that.”

He turned to leave and turned back, “Before I forget. Can I get your number?” Armin looked hesitant. “I just mean so I can contact you.”

Armin shook his head yes. He gave his number slow like he wasn’t to sure of the digits. “Just - I kind of suck at responding but I’ll try to get back with you.”

Jean took off to the office across town. It was about a forty minute ride and the entire time he thumbed over the new contact in his phone. There was no contact photo which was a little disappointing but he was sure he could get one in the near future. Work itself was the usual grind. The people at the sub office were a little more loose with regulation than the main office and they all broke at noon for their half hour break that lasted forty-five minutes, so that was something.

He finished early but still later than he had thought he would. Since it was colder now the sun was already setting despite the fact it was just barely four-thirty when he boarded the tram. He brought out his phone and opened up a new text to Armin.

_hey, i’m on my way back. if you still want to hang out i’ll be on that side in about 40 mins._

Jean waited for a reply the entire ride back. He’d given up hope when the tram pulled up to his platform. He got out and tugged his knitted beanie on over his ears to save them from the biting cold. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket and fished it out.

_yo. Sash made po-po-potatoes. she said she still owes you so to come over._

He sighed, so much for Armin.

_cool man. i’ll be over in 15._

He reached the bottom of the exit stairs and there was Armin. He was sipping another hot-cup-of-something and was holding yet a second. Armin came forward and handed Jean the second cup.

“I wasn’t sure what you drank so I got you hot chocolate. Everybody likes hot chocolate.”

“Thanks,” Jean said taking the cup. “You didn’t get back to me.”

Armin scrunched his brows together. “I didn’t think I had to. I mean we discussed it before you left for work.” Realization dawned on his otherwise smiling face. “You made plans, didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” Jean admitted lamely. He groaned. “This fucking sucks. I’m an asshole.”

The blond man laughed at him. “It’s not a big deal. We can hang out later? I mean if you aren’t too tired from work. I nodded all day so I’m not going to be tired too soon.”

“Or,” Jean drew out, “You could come with me.”

Armin put his hands in front of himself to try and wave Jean off. “I don’t want to be rude.”

“No! It’ll be fine! Sash always makes a ton of food. Besides it’s just, like, a casual thing. No big deal.” Jean rambled on as Armin seemed to be becoming more amused. “Please just come with me.”

Armin stepped up beside him, “Your colloquial way with words has won me over. However, if they throw us out on our asses because you brought an uninvited guest then I will settle for no less than a McDouble, fries, and strawberry shake.”

Jean gasped dramatically, “I’ll be out on the streets with such lofty demands!” Armin laughed at him and he sipped his drink. “Not bad. Thank you, by the way. For the drink.”

He lead them to Connie and Sasha’s apartment building. They lived on the fifth floor. “Let’s take the elevator,” Armin suggested when he saw Jean head for the stairs.

“Can’t elevator’s broken.”

Armin gave a lingering look of disappointment to the closed silver doors. “And I thought your landlord was bad.”

“No their landlord is great. Elevators just too expensive.” Jean kept a constant pace up the stairs. Armin trailed behind him, “You know for such a small guy you’re sure slow up these steps.”

Of all things the blond could have done he looked up at Jean and stuck his tongue out. It was incredibly endearing. “Just because I look healthy doesn't mean I am healthy.” Jean reached the fifth story first and leaned against the wall to wait. Armin dramatically collapsed against Jean’s chest once he had finally caught up. He breathed heavily, his breath ghosted over Jean’s collarbone.  

Jean wasn’t sure if he was supposed to move. He wanted to move. The thought was clear in his mind. If only he’d move his hand to Armin’s waist then maybe he could find it in himself to challenge Armin’s little advances. He stood with his palms pressed flat against the wall behind him. “You just plan on standing here ‘Min.”

“Shh. I just need to catch my breath.” Armin shifted so his forehead was resting on Jean’s neck. He could smell the blond’s hair which had the muted scent of shampoo just strong enough to cover something he couldn’t quite identify but recognized as the same smell that plagued the corners at night.

“Maybe if you didn’t smoke so much - “

Armin gently knuckled him in the side. “I don’t smoke that much.”

The door to the left of Jean opened and Connie stepped out into the hall holding a bag of trash. “I thought I heard your mouth.”

Armin took a deliberate step back and Connie looked at Jean for explanation. “I brought somebody to dinner.”

Connie just laughed, “Whatever man. I gotta run this out to the trash, you two can head inside.”

Jean led the way in to the one bedroom apartment. Sasha turned to them, “Hey Jean!” She paused when she saw them.

“I, uh, brought a guest? Sorry, Sash.”

She came around the counter. “No biggie. Did you pass Connie in the hall?”

“Yeah.”

She rocked on her feet, “Then he’ll be back in a minute.” She bit her lip and looked expectantly between Jean and Armin. “You know most people aren’t gorillas and actually introduce their guests.”

Jean fumbled, “Oh shit. Sorry. Sash this is Armin. I, uh, met him at the store actually.”

Nobody said anything and Armin nudged him with his elbow. “Oh! Armin this is Sasha, Connie’s girlfriend.”

They shook hands, “I prefer to be called his keeper but that’s not important.”

Armin laughed. “It seems you keep both of them in check.”

“Yes, but it’s by choice.” She walked back to the counter and started taking the platters to a round wooden table. “Connie should be back in a minute. He just went to take the trash out.”

“Yeah,” Jean agreed. “We just saw him in the hall actually. Also how’d you do on your calc final?”

Sasha shrugged and set the last dish down on the table. “I feel good about it but I’m still not one-hundred percent.”

Jean laughed and took a seat. Armin slipped into the seat on his right. “That’s what you get for taking a calc class and not a throw away class like statistics.”

She rolled her eyes. “Like I’d actually do that.”

“So you’re in your last year of college?” Armin asked removing his scarf.

Sasha took the seat across from him, “Yep! Business major.”

Armin smiled. “That’s great! So you’re younger that Jean and Connie then?”

“Sure am. He’s three years older than me. Twenty-five. I’m twenty-two.”

“So then how’d you guys meet? If you don’t mind.” Jean patted Armin’s knee under the table, just as he was about to pull away Armin grabbed his finger. His thumb passed lightly over the top and the grip was strong enough to keep Jean’s hand pinned gently to Armin’s thigh.

Sasha waved him off with both hands and smiled. “Connie’s much better at telling the story. I’ll have him tell you when he get back. What about yourself? How’d you end up here?”

“Oh.” Armin sounded caught off guard. “I just couldn’t stay where I was anymore.”

Well, that was more than he’d ever gotten out of him Jean thought. Just then Connie came back. He came around and leaned down to kiss Sasha’s forehead before taking the only seat left. “Let’s eat!”

Sasha and Connie battled over a piece of fried chicken while Armin leaned close to Jean’s ear. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be so socially awkward.”

Armin’s breath was hot against his ear. He licked his lips before tucking his head towards Armin, “You’re doing fine. Sorry for making plans on top of the ones we had. Next time -”

“Hey! No whispering at the table!” Connie laughed with a mouth full of food.

Sasha was smiling like a goofball, “Yeah! Especially when you guys are blushing virgin pinks.”

Armin pulled away from him. Jean could hear him swallow as he said, “I’m not blushing.”

“You guys are a fucking pain, you know that?” Sasha and Connie both laughed at Jean.

“Babe. This is Armin, since it looks like Jean won’t tell you. He’s the one I told you about.”

“You mean - ?”

“Uh-huh.”

Connie turned to Armin and Jean tried to beg with his eyes for Connie to not embarrass him. Jean should have known his efforts were futile as Connie lived to mortify Jean. “So you’re the twink Jean keeps hanging out with.”

“Oh my fucking god.” Jean groaned.

He didn’t have to look up to know Connie had turned to look at him. “Hey man, I know you like dudes too. It’s no big deal.”

“Dude.” Jean drew out the word for meaning.

“Oh. He doesn’t know.”

Armin squeezed his hand under the table. “No. I do know.”

Jean found the courage to look up. Connie was trying to process what Armin had said. “You’re not into guys?”

Jean groaned again whilst burying his face in his free hand.

Armin licked his lips. “No I am. I’m bi. It’s just - we’re just not." He paused thinking, "We’re friends.”

Connie leaned back in his chair. “Well I feel like an ass now. I just saw you guys in the hall and Sash had told me you guys have been hanging out. Sorry man. I just got real excited for you, you know? I mean it’s been like four years now and -” Jean stopped that sentence with a very pointed look. “And sorry, too, Armin. Like I said I was just really excited.”

Armin, the forgiving and well humored being he was chuckled and it made Jean’s stomach melt with relief. “No problem. So how did you and Sasha meet?”

“Picture it!”

Armin laughed.

“An unusually warm day in spring and I, a lowly freshman, see a goddess across the quad where I am sitting with my best buds. Now even great philosophers and poets wouldn't be able to grasp the ethereal beauty radiating from this girl with her ill kept hair pulled back sloppy into a ponytail, wearing high top converse, red socks that came below her knees, a large black t-shirt as a dress, and hangover glasses. In other words she was dope -”

When Connie was done Sasha leaned over to kiss him. “Told you he was better,” she said.

This conversation had carried them through most of dinner. All the while Armin seemed content to listen and nibble at the small portion of food he’d served himself. When he was nearly half done he scraped what was left on to Jean’s empty plate. Jean ate it without much thought.

By the time the two of them were done recounting how they’d met and what followed Sasha and Connie looked ready to fall into bed for the next few hours. When Jean was done he pushed his chair back and took his and Armin’s plate to the kitchen sink. “We’re going to get out of here guys. I got an early day tomorrow.”

Armin got up. He was listening to Sasha ramble on about how she’d take him up on his offer for English help if the occasion came about. “You bet, Sasha. Thank you guys for having me.” He went over to Jean, Connie showed them out.

Jean raised his fist and Connie bumped it with his own. “You guys are gross.”

Connie looked around Jean to see that Armin was already heading down the stairs, “You guys, too.” He paused. His face grew a little bothered. “You think I didn’t notice you guys making gross faces at each other?” Connie scratched his bald head. “Just be careful man.”

He raised his eyebrows and smirked. “Worried I might get my heart broken? I’m a man, man.”

His friend laughed but his face remained concerned underneath it all. “I don’t know man. I feel like I’ve seen this kid before. But I can’t place him. And, yeah, a little. I mean you won’t move out of your apartment and I mean the _box_. Are you over that now?”

“Me and Armin are just friends. I don’t know what I want from him or if he even wants anything from me.” He paused to lick his lips. “And as far as _he_  is concerned I can’t care anymore. I’m out of energy to care about that. It’s in the past and that’s where it’s staying.” Jean sighed realizing that despite how off base he thought Connie was he was trying to look out for him. “I’ll be careful. Okay? I’m not going to let myself get led around this time.” Connie waved him off and Jean took the stairs two at a time to catch up with Armin.

“Your friends are nice,” Armin said once Jean came up beside him. “Sasha is a really bright young lady. Also Connie; I can’t do anything but respect an EMT.”

Jean bumped Armin's shoulder with his own, “Is that because of your last job at the hospital?”

“You learn to respect all personnel on staff when you work at a hospital. Even the cleaning crews have seen some shit.” Armin shuddered like he’d just remembered something particularly vile. “Do you really have to work early tomorrow?” Armin asked when they reached the lobby.

He shrugged. “I’m at the main office so no earlier than usual.”

“And what’s ‘usual’?

“Leave the house at seven-thirty to be there at nine.”

Armin smiled a little to himself. “They’re still showing Sixteen Candles at the dollar theater. Not that you have to go. I’m just saying that you could.” He rocked on the balls of his feet. “You know, with me.”

Jean felt his mouth tug slowly up into a smile. “Okay.”

They got there just as the movie was starting. Despite the fact they had just eaten Armin insisted he buy popcorn, afterall a movie wasn’t a movie without popcorn. Jean learned that Armin knew nearly all the words to the movie. He would have been irritated if it hadn’t been so damn adorable. Plus they were the only two in the theater so he didn’t feel the need to worry about having a soda chucked at them.

The movie was winding down when Armin leaned over putting his head on Jean’s shoulder. “When I turned sixteen my best friends took me to a concert. I was supposed to be grounded for some reason but my grandpa let me go so long as I was back by two. It was a few towns over but they had licenses. I was the youngest. We blew out a tire on the interstate at one AM, no cell reception. We couldn’t walk away to find the nearest exit because it was too dark. So we got in the back of the SUV and put down the seats to sleep at least. I don’t know what it was,” Armin laughed. “Maybe it was the cold or the fact that the concert had been super sexual but we all started making out. State Trooper found us just after sunrise. Hardly clothed and covered in hickies.”

Jean startled away to look down at Armin. His face was soft with a fond smile. “Jesus Christ. What concert did you guys see?”

“Kanye.”

This in itself was more surprising than hearing Armin had had some version of a threesome in the back of a SUV. “You like Kanye?”

Armin leveled his gaze at Jean, “Do I breathe?”

He laughed at that. “Did it get weird between you guys afterwards?”

Armin shook his head. “The two of them were dating already. That’s the weird thing.” He shifted closer. “I guess I discovered I liked men and women in one go, huh?” He laughed again.

He didn’t feel uncomfortable listening to the story just confused as to why Armin would tell him it. As if reading his mind Armin spoke again. “I always think of that when I watch this movie. The crazy night that goes nowhere you thought it would. Sometimes it’s not even a night - just a chain of event you don’t see coming together. It always ends up good in the movies.” Armin turned to look at him. “Maybe not so much in real life.” The words resonated with him. Happy endings did seem to be reserved for the movies. They didn’t break eye contact and Jean thought for a split moment that they might kiss but neither of them moved. Armin turned back to the movie, his head still on Jean’s shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, Kudos, and reblogs on tumblr are never necessary but always appreciated.   
> I can be found here: cunttwatula.tumblr.com
> 
> Kanye - The Chainsmokers


	6. Street Junk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Wednesday!  
> I'm working diligently to get all the chapters edited. Honestly I'm stuck on the xmas chapter. Don't even know why because it's not even that large. I mean in comparison to chapter nine. That one's like 3k plus words. 
> 
> Enough chitchat. On with the story!
> 
> I'm sure you know but the always lovely watergirl1968 (Author of CHERRY KIRSCH) provided the banner. 
> 
> Enjoy!

* * *

Armin disappeared after that for no reason. Jean called and there was no answer the voicemail box hadn’t even been set up to receive messages. He texted and got no reply. After four days he had begun to worry but after ten he was starting to think Armin’s body was in a gutter somewhere. He spent the evening walking the streets asking anybody who’d listen if they’d seen a blond guy, new to the neighborhood. It wasn’t much to go on and most people who were polite enough to entertain his questions said no anyway.

Jean was walking in a back alley when he tripped over some scattered piping. He hadn't been paying very much attention. “You okay, sweetie?” The voice was cracking like the owner had come out of the womb with a cigarette in their mouth.

He pushed himself up and dusted off his knees. “Um, yeah. Thanks.” He turned to look at the woman. She was obviously a prostitute and a very old looking one at that; her body said she was in her mid to late twenties but her face said she was well beyond that. Only people of her profession would dare wear miniskirts and tube tops in this abnormally cold fall. She was smoking a long cigarette and tapping away on her phone. He took a few steps down the alley before turning back.

She straightened up, “I’m on my break sweetie. Give me ten minutes though and I’ll be good to go. Name’s Ella, I’ll even give you the Halloween special.”

“What? I mean no. I’m not,” Jean chose his words carefully. “Propositioning you.”

The woman looked annoyed now and Jean couldn’t really blame her, he didn’t like to be bothered on his breaks either. “Well then what do you want? My time costs money.”

Jean took a ten out of his pocket, “I just have some questions.”

She rolled her eyes but snatched the money up nonetheless and stuffed it in her bra. “Well out with it.”

“You seen a little doe eyed blond kid around lately?”

Ella laughed. “Oh shit. You want information a ten isn’t going to get you much.”

Jean pulled out another bill. “Here’s another twenty. That good enough?”

She took the money and nodded. “Kid have a name? The one you’re looking for.”

“Yeah. Armin.”

Her face lit up. “I know him. He’s always willing to help out. Really sweet kid. Always likes to wander the streets with Harry.”

“Wait. You know Harry?”

Her eyebrows went high, “Looking for Harry? You don’t look the type.”

“No,” Jean couldn’t give a shit about Harry. “I’m looking for Armin.”

She stepped off the wall and spun as she backed out of the alley, “Last I saw him he made some friends and said they were going to go party on the south side. Sorry. I gotta get back to work.”

Jean was about to let her go when he had another question, “Was Harry going to be at this party?”

She laughed, “That kids been best friends with him almost as long as me. It’s probably the entire reason he went.”

Jean made it back to his apartment at nearly ten. He heated up some leftover Chinese food and sat down to some Halloween movies.

Jeepers Creepers ended and he decided to call it a night not even bothering to clean up his mess. His mother would have been upset but she wasn’t there to nag either.

There was one window in his apartment. It was towards the ceiling and peeked just over the sidewalk. Jean didn’t make it a habit of looking through it due to some misplaced fear of it shattering and blinding him with huge glass shards the exact moment his face was by it .

It’d started snowing. The first few snowflakes were already starting to make a thin layer of white over the sidewalk. The light from the corner store lit up the three way intersection and highlighted the bench. Nothing seemed amiss but then he saw a bundle move on the bench and sit up. It was Armin, he was bathed in a soft glow and even from his apartment he could tell he was shivering. Jean had been looking for hours and suddenly there he was.

Jean toed on a pair of shoes and threw on a jacket. He didn’t even bother to lock his apartment as he bounded up the stairs from the basement level. The street was quiet and he jogged across it from the front of his building. When he was in front of the bench Armin looked up. It was unsettling the way the blond looked both at him and through him with hollow eyes. His nose was red from the cold and his face was obviously tear streaked. “‘Min, where have you been?”

“It’s gone Jean.”  He was going to speak when Armin took a shaky breath that shut him up. He was trying hard not to cry, Jean could tell. “I shouldn’t have went. I shouldn’t even be here. I’m so pathetic.”

Jean squatted to look at Armin’s down turned face. He took Armin’s freezing hands in his. “What’s gone, Armin?”

“My money. The place I had it stashed at - people just stole it and -” Armin was crying now. “I fucked up Jean. I mean look at me.” Armin was close to hysterics and threw his arms away from himself. “Look at where I’m at! Look at what I’ve done to myself!” He got the feeling Armin was talking about a lot more than his current situation.

Jean took Armin’s face in hand. “Listen to me. It’s just money.” He took a deep breath to steady the nerves in his body telling him ‘no, you are going to hurt yourself’. “Stay with me tonight.”

Armin stilled his face suddenly relieved yet apprehensive. “What? In your no-heater apartment?”

“You can’t stay out here. You’ll freeze.” Jean stood grabbing Armin’s hand. He tugged him up from the bench and Armin followed him, lifelessly, to his apartment. Jean shut the door behind them and gathered Armin in a hug. “I was so fucking worried about you.” He put his nose in Armin’s hair, he smelled like those cigars and vinegar. It felt natural to have Armin in his arms, like a long lost comfort.

Armin pushed him away after a minute, “Is your shower hot?”

“Yeah. Help yourself.” Jean pointed to the first door. “Towels are under the sink. Are you hungry?”

He shook his head ‘no’ and took off his scarf. He hadn’t meant to see the red blossoms on Armin’s neck but he had and the image was burned in his mind. He felt suddenly stupid without really wanting to admit why.

Jean didn’t have much else to do as far as distract himself so he ended up cleaning up the mess he’d left earlier and when he was done with that he sat crosslegged on his bed and waited. As he sat there though he couldn’t help but wonder who. Whose mouth had been on Armin’s neck? Did he have a right to wonder these things?

Armin eventually poke his head out and startled Jean from his thoughts, “Jean? Do you think you could let me borrow clothes?”

“Yeah. Just pick out whatever you want.” He nodded toward the closet next to the bathroom. Were there marks other places? How many? Who? Harry?

Armin turned his head towards the door. “Don’t look, okay?”

Jean put his hands in the air and turned so he was facing the wall. “You have any long sleeves?” Armin called from the closet.

“In the back by the sweaters.”

Jean didn’t hear him emerge from the closet but he felt it when Armin got on the bed and crawled over to him. He hung his arms loosely around Jean’s neck. “You’re too caring for your own good. You know that?”

“Is that my character flaw?”

“That and your overconfidence.”

“And I’d always hoped it’d be my dashing good looks.”

He could feel Armin smile as he nuzzled behind his ear. “Quiet. I might actually start to believe you’re as arrogant as you look.”

“Oh but I am.”

Armin laughed quietly, “Lucky for you I’m starting to see you through a rose colored lens.” He kissed slowly along Jean’s neck and his hairs stood up.

As much as he was enjoying Armin’s mouth on his skin it didn’t feel right.  He wanted it to feel like it had earlier when he’d hugged Armin of his own volition but seeing those hickes reminded him of people he’d rather forget. “I didn’t ask you to come here for this.”

“I didn’t follow you because I thought you did. I just want to do this. You’re the only thing that feels normal here.” Armin paused and kissed the top knob of Jean’s spine. “Do you see me the same way?”

Jean swallowed. “I do. Scares the shit out of me.”

“Why?”

“It feels like you are only telling me half truths. I’m not sure what any of the shit I feel even means.”

Armin stopped. “I might not have told you everything but I’ve also never lied to you.”

“You told me you weren’t seeing anyone.”

“When did I say that?”

“I asked if you were dating that Harry guy. You said no, or at least suggested it.”

“What makes you think I was lying?” Jean reached back and touched Armin’s neck. “Oh. Those aren’t from anyone important.” He paused, “Your fingers are cold.”

“But are you dating them? People can be unimportant and you can still date them.” He swallowed and hoped it didn’t show how painful it was to say that.

Armin’s breath was hot in his ear as he spoke. “I’m not dating anyone.”

“Not even Harry?”

“Nope. Just a friend.” Armin kissed his neck again in a big sloppy fashion. He stopped; mouth still half open and wet against his skin.

Jean looked over his shoulder. “Tired?” Armin nodded. “Let’s sleep.” Armin flopped back onto one side of the bed and burrowed under the covers as Jean went to turn off the lights. He came back and got under too but not before turning on the electric blanket.

“Your room is freezing.”

“Tell me about it.” Armin scooched closer. They were facing eachother in the center of the bed.

Armin’s face was relaxed. Somehow it was more hollow than it seemed in the daylight, though. “I’ll get it fixed somehow.”

“I don’t doubt you will.”

Jean was almost ready to actually try to sleep when Armin spoke. His voice was only half there like he was nearly gone and about to cry again. “Thank you. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.”

Jean tossed and turned for a few minutes trying to find a way to get comfortable. Armin was the one to put a stop to it. He wrapped his arms about Jean’s waist and made him the little spoon. “You’re thinking about it too much. It’s just sleeping.”

“It’s just -” Jean tried to find a way to make ‘it’s been awhile' sound cool and not vulnerable.

“You don’t have to explain it to me. Are you comfortable?

Armin was warm against him and he was happy to say, “Yeah. I am actually.” He felt Armin push his face into his upper back. He was pressed so close he could say the smell of vinegar was gone from Armin so there was just his body soap, fresh and light. He closed his eyes, and took a step towards that edge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I really am flattered. 
> 
> Comments, Kudos, and reblogs on tumblr are never required but always appreciated!
> 
> You can find me here: cuntwatula.tumblr.com   
> You know, if you have questions of theories on Armin's secret. 
> 
> Also, shameless plug, check out my other JearMin works. They're small in number now but cute. 
> 
> See you next week!


	7. Admiral Nieveity Reporting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. -shrugs-  
> My bad. I didn't realize how short this one was.  
> Maybe it'll be a double update week. Who knows?
> 
> Banner by watergirl1968. Thank you! ^^;

* * *

The snow stuck around and so did Armin. Jean woke up to the blond gently gliding his finger down the bridge of his nose. “Did you sleep well?” Jean closed his eyes and grunted, he’d slept much better than he had been. “Did you dream?”

“Mmm.”

“You talk when you sleep.”

Jean opened his eyes and frowned. “Do not.”

“Do to.”

“What do I say?”

Armin flopped on his back and ran a hand down the flat of his stomach with the other slid along his neck provocatively. “Oh. Oh! Armin! Fuck me harder, Armin! Deeper, deeper! Right there!” He arched his back and made moaning noises before settling down and looking over to Jean with a self-satisfied smirk.

He could feel his face burning. “You’re an asshole, you know that?”

“Yes.” There was a small lull. “Who’s Mark?” Jean felt his eyes go wide. He’d never known a Mark but he’d known a Marco and he was not ready to talk about him. “You were saying his name. I’m not the jealous type but if you want me to be honest about whether or not I’m seeing someone then I expect you to be too.”

“He’s, uh. Wait were you teasing me because of that? I thought you said you weren’t the jealous type.”

“I’m not. Don’t change the subject.”

Jean sighed. “He’s a friend from college.”

Armin continued to stare at him as if waiting for more of an explanation. “So why are you dreaming about him?”

He shrugged in response. “You dream about your friends, don’t you?”

Armin nodded slowly as if conceding defeat.  “I’m sure they’re worried about me. I sort of just picked up and left one day.”

“Why?”

“I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing where I was.” They dropped the subject. “I have to find a job.”

“You know you can stay here. I don’t mind.”

Armin reached out and wan the back of one knuckle down Jean’s jawline. “Your character flaw is showing.”

“Don’t care.”

“Well, I do. I’m not staying with you. I went out and found my friends this morning. They still had some of my stuff.”

Jean pushed his eyebrows together. “You’re going back to them?”

Armin nodded.

“Even though they stole from you?”

“Comes with the life,” Armin replied quietly.

Jean clicked his tongue, “And you think I have dumb ideas.”

Armin flipped his hand and tapped Jean’s cheek. “Sorry.”

He thought a moment. “What were you doing before if you didn’t have a job?”

“Helping out around the neighborhood. A little of this. A little of that.” Armin sighed and replaced his hand behind his head.

Jean accepted this at face value. He knew it was another half truth but he wasn’t sure how much pushing he could do before Armin would pull away. “Breakfast?”

“Not hungry. Plus I’m useless in the kitchen.” Armin got up and stretched. “You have work today?”

Jean noticed Armin was dressed. “Nope. Tomorrow though. You’ve been up for a while.”

Armin’s eyebrows quirked up and Jean looked pointedly at his clothes. “Oh. Yeah. I couldn’t sleep. I’m surprised I found clothes that fit if I’m being honest”

“What waist size are those jeans?”

“Um, thirty I think? And they are still a size large.”

Jean smiled to himself. “Those are almost five years old.”

“Packrat.”

“Did I take too much blanket last night?” Armin’s face raised in question. “You said you couldn’t sleep.”

“Oh. No. I was just uncomfortable. You know you sleep like the dead. By the way, notice anything different?”

Jean sat up and looked around the room. Three layers of blankets had been tossed to the ground. “Holy shit.” Jean shot up out of bed and ripped his sweater off. “You got the fucking heater fixed!” He went to Armin and took his face between his hands.

“More like I fixed it.”

“You’re the best! Seriously!”

Armin put his hands on Jean’s wrists. His thumbs were gentle as they ran forward and back over the top of Jean’s hands. “Don’t say that yet. I borrowed a twenty from your wallet.”

“Well shit if the part only cost a twenty I wish I had done it a lot earlier.”

Armin sighed in a way that made Jean feel a little childish. “Your nieveity is admirable.”

“Shh. The rose colored lens will start to wear off.” Jean pulled Armin against his chest. The next step was tainted with the scent of vinegar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment, Kudos, and tumblr reblogs are appreciated. Thank you!
> 
> I like sexually comfortable/confident Armin. I guess that's why he's not reserved about letting somebody who he feels in obviously interested in him know 'hey, we could bang.'  
> I digress.
> 
> See ya soon!


	8. Get Money, Make Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Saturday!  
> Two updates this week. For sure only one next week because next weeks chapter is like 3k+ words.  
> See you Wednesday!

Jean walked into the corner store and went straight to the back to pick up his weekly half gallon of milk. Armin had disappeared from his apartment five days ago and he’d been a mood ever since. He couldn’t help but think that his irritation might be showing. All his coworkers had steered clear of him that day. It didn’t help that he kept getting phone calls from a blocked number. His pocket vibrated and he ignored another call from the blocked number. If it was important they would leave a message.

He walked to the front, shoved his phone back in his pocket, and looked up at the cashier. “Armin?”

“Hey,” he looked embarrassed and fumbled for the milk.

“When did you start working here?”

The blond swallowed, “Yesterday. Three seventy-eight.” Jean paid. “Sorry.” He looked up at Armin, “I mean I’m sorry I didn’t call after I left your apartment.”

Jean didn’t respond.

“I really am. It’s just - I’m just a shitty person, Jean. I keep trying to tell you and - “

“‘Min, it’s not a big deal. I mean I get kind of peeved when you just disappear but you’re fine and that’s what matters.”

“You’re too nice.”

Jean laughed. “I keep telling you. I’m an asshole.”

“I believe it.”

Jean licked his lips. “So I see you got a job?”

Armin smiled and pushed the milk across the counter. “One of Sasha’s siblings broke their arm. I happened to be in the store and she left me to it. I did a decent job I guess and the owner gave me a position, for now.”

“Seems lucky.”

“No. Actually I blew him in the store room.” Jean felt his eyes go wide. “I’m kidding!” Armin stretched across the counter and kissed the corner of Jean’s mouth. “I’m only thinking about one person now.”

Jean cracked a smile as he thumbed the spot Armin's mouth had just been. “Anyone I know?”

“Probably not.”

He felt like his face was going to split open from relief. “What time do you get off?”

“About a half hour”

“We should go out.”

Armin sat back in his stool with a little huff that Jean found slightly more cute than he probably should have. “I’ve only been working a few days and I’m kind of low on funds for stuff like that.”

“Pft.” Jean waved his hand in front of his face. “We’re celebrating. I’ll pay.”

“Celebrating what?” Armin seemed unconvinced.

“You getting a job of course!”

Jean watched Armin poke his tongue out in thought. “I can’t talk you out of this can I?”

“Nope.” Armin relented with a disbelieving laugh. “Wanna meet me at my apartment after work?”

Armin nodded, “Sure.”

Jean fished his keys out and took his house key off his ring to push it over the counter to Armin. “Just unlock the door and come in.”

“How are you going to get in?”

He shrugged, “Spare key taped to the inside of my mailbox.”

“Smart.” Armin smiled at him. “I’ll stop by where I’m staying and meet up with you after.”

It bothered Jean, as he left the corner store, that Armin never said home. As if everything around him was in a temporary state. It made him feel like being with Armin was like walking through smoke. Was the smoke there? Could he feel its heat? Could he choke on it’s presence? Yes. But in the end all that would be left behind was a burned out firepit and the smell of it in his clothes.

When he got home he checked the mail. He flipped through the letters once he got in the apartment. He was mentally listing all the things he had to do to get ready for tonight as he tossed the junk mail and set the bills on the counter. Shower. Bill. Shave - again. Bill. Renew his undercut. Junk. Junk. Brush teeth. His list stopped abruptly.

The envelop was thick indicating it had another inside. The address was written in deliberate yet slanted strokes. It had been the return address that had made him stop. ‘Arizona.’ That’s where Marco had gone after graduation. His blood felt like sludge through his veins as he opened the envelope to find a nicer, decorative, deep gold one inside. The back was sealed with wax and he couldn’t help but think it was a nice touch. He removed the contents from inside:

_Jean Kirstein;_   
_You are cordially invited to attend the union of_   
_Marco Bodt_   
_and_   
_Mina Carolina_

Jean stopped reading and bent over the counter. He held his face in his hands. and stared at the wall. He knew he would eventually get one of these but the residual hurt of actually getting one was greater than he’d expected. Marco and Mina had met in their last year of college and had a whirlwind romance that defied logic. _“It just feels right. You know what I mean, Jean? Like we just fit so perfectly. Have you ever felt that way?”_

He couldn’t be sure how long he stared at the wall but his healed wound throbbed like a once broken arm in the fall. Jean went to his closet and took down a shoebox. It had a fine layer of dust on it considering it had been nearly a year since he last opened it. He sat on his bed and opened it to sift through the contents. Jean still had the notebook they’d filled up with notes to each other in ECON their second year. Still had Marco’s botched attempt of a hat the year he’d decided to hand make Christmas gifts. Disgusting as it was he even had the wrapper from the condom they’d used the first time they’d had sex; 10-6 no year. There was plenty more in the box; movie stubs, pictures anything that reminded him of Marco went in that box.

He set it aside and breathed slowly. He was over Marco, he knew that. Connie might not believe him but the important thing was that it was true regardless. Yet, he couldn’t help the sadness that filled the pit of his stomach when he thought about him. It still hurt to think about the way it ended, it hurt to not hate him, and it hurt to think about all the time he had been but a shell of himself afterward. But he didn’t want Marco anymore. He was mature enough to know Marco had changed as a person and the one he missed was less the present Marco and more the memories he had.

The only thing to do now was to stand under a stream of hot water until he felt normal. The water eased the tension as Jean tried hard not to think too much. _you probably still love him. not in that way. but you do miss him. what about Armin? is it fair to Armin? can you really do this to Armin? what does Armin even mean to you? your aren’t pursuing it. you aren’t thinking about it. you can’t keep avoiding it. is he worth it? what are your feelings -_

“Jean?” The water had turned cold.

He stood up straight and wiped away the water that had been dripping down his face. “Yeah!” He called back. “I’m almost done.” He turned off the water and stepped out. Jean ran a hand towel over the mirror to get rid of the steam and looked at himself.

“You can do this,” he said to himself. “You’re going to go out and have a few drinks with Armin.” He licked his lips and rolled the name over in his mouth. “Armin,” he tried again. “Jesus fucking christ. This is bad.”

There was a knock at the door. “Hey. You okay?”

“Yeah. Give me twenty minutes.”

Armin didn’t respond for a second and when he did he sounded a little worried. “Okay.”

Jean emerged ten minutes later with a freshly shaven head, a lightly cologned body, and a towel around his waist. The first thing he saw when he came out was not Armin but the box laying undisturbed on his bed. He looked around and it didn’t seem like Armin was in the apartment. He’d probably went to smoke, Jean thought. He picked up the box, tossing the wedding invite inside before taking it to the closet and throwing it on the top self.

Dropping his towel he pulled on a pair of trunks. He grabbed a purple button down, slim fit trousers, and a black vest to pull the outfit together. Thankfully, he was dressed when he heard the door open and shut.

“Finally ready Romeo?” Armin asked as he peeked around the door frame. The smile he was wearing dropped from his face if only out of disbelief. “Wow. You look great,” Armin gushed.

Jean tried hard not to blush at his comment. “You look nice too. Even if you are wearing blue-gray pants. I thought only teenages wore colored pants.”

“And me. I guess.” Armin stared at him with a soft smile. “Where are we going? I dressed for a bar. You look dressed for a lounge.”

“Gay bars seem to prefer you look hot. That’s the dress code.” Jean looked at him from the corner of his eye as he picked a tie. Armin looked to be in disbelief. “What?”

Armin spoke slow, “I thought you were out?”

Jean saw the train of thought. Since they were obviously going with each other gay bar meant secret or perhaps suggested they were going to hook up with other people. “I am. It’s just that Eagle is the only place I can order a Long Island without getting drunkenly harassed by guys three times my size.”

The blond seemed to relax. “This,” Armin motioned between them, “whatever it is, isn’t going to work if you don’t know how to shotgun a beer or can’t at least do a keg stand.”

“You can?”

Armin giggled, “Bet your ass I can.

Jean exited the closet, “Got a story?”

They walked out of the apartment together, “Well, Eren, that's my friend, thought it would be a good idea to join a frat -”

Armin had Jean clutching his stomach by the time they got to Eagle. “Your friend sounds like a fuck face.”

“Oh. He is.” Armin agreed. “What makes him so dangerous though is that Mikasa, his girlfriend, loves him so unabashedly that she digs him out of whatever mess he gets himself in.”

They took two seats at the bar. The bar itself wasn’t packed which made sense considering it was eight in the evening on Wednesday. “Are those the same friends from your birthday story?”

“What birthday story?”

Jean was suddenly unsure. Maybe he’d dreamed the whole thing. “Your sixteenth? With Kanye West?”

Armin threw his head into his hands and his face turned an unimaginable shade of red. “Oh lord. I forgot I told you that.” He turned his head to look at Jean. “Yes. They’re the same friends. They’re my best friends.”

“Miss them?”

“I think you’ve asked me this before.”

Jean shrugged, “It’s the obligatory second ask.” The bartender came over then. “I’ll have a Long Island.”

He looked at Armin, “Guinness and a shot of Morgan.” The bartender went off. “I miss them. Sometimes I think I miss them enough to go home.”

“Why don’t you go home?”

Armin sighed. “Burned bridges can’t be crossed, Jean.”

Jean shrugged. He didn’t and wouldn’t buy that. “Just because you think you burned it doesn’t mean you can’t build a new one. Or, better yet, maybe people on the other side are frantically throwing water on it.”

The blond stared at him seemingly unmoved and then he broke out into a big smile and laughed like Jean was unbelievable. “Same to you.”

Jean would have asked what he meant but their drinks were set in front of them. Armin pounded his shot and didn’t even wince as he did. He looked over at Jean, “Remember you said you’re buying.”

“Are you going to make me regret that?”

“Without a doubt.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment, kudos and reblogs on [tumblr](http://cunttwatula.tumblr.com/tagged/wgiw%22%22) are always appreciated!


	9. Combo Breaker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love naming the chapters. Feel free to read the title of this one like you're the announcer in Street Fighter.  
> At this point I've rewritten the ending three time. I mean same end game different words. It's still not done. I thought when I was finished editing I'd post the total chapters. But I'm not going to. You'll never know when it will end. SPOOKY~~~~  
> Also, preface, this chapter was extremely embarrassing to write and literally took like two weeks. All 5k plus words of embarrassment are yours to consume. I bear my soul.
> 
> Banner by [Watergirl1968](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Watergirl1968/pseuds/Watergirl1968)

* * *

 

Jean couldn’t be sure how it happened that he was laid across the counter of the bar with his shirt open and a lemon in his mouth but he was and Armin was looking at him predatorily from the general area of his navel. After Armin had finished his beer he’d gone to dance. Jean wasn’t much of a dancer and if he was being honest with himself neither was Armin. But the man did have a quality about him when he was fully enjoying himself that made up for his offbeat movements so Jean didn’t comment as he watched from the bar.

Armin had a few more and by some miracle his dancing got _better_. It was on beat and startlingly more provocative. The other patrons took notice and some tried to dance up on him but each time Armin looked coyly over to Jean and he’d shrug a nonverbal response. Armin seemed to have more fun while dancing with others. His hair flew sporadically and caught the lights overhead as he moved to the music.

Jean, on the other hand made idle conversation at the bar. The bartender came over to refill his water. “He yours?”

He looked up startled; the conversation had come without warning. “Um, who?”

The bartender, who Jean knew as Keith, nodded to the dancefloor. “The little blond twink you brought in here. You’ve been buying his drinks all night and let me tell you your tab is substantial.”

Jean took a large sip of water, “He’s not mine.”

“Working on it, though?”

“I don’t know what I’m doing if I’m being honest.”

Keith leaned over the bar. “Heartbreak plaguing you?”

“What makes you think that?”

“Objectively? You’re over here staring at him. He’s over there staring at you. Seems like you both want _something_. The least you can do is jump in bed and figure it out.”

Jean sighed and leaned in close, “As always you don’t know how to keep your catty mouth shut.”

“Well excuse me,” Keith laughed. “I’ve just never seen you bring a guy with you.”

“That’s kind of what my noodle lady said.”

“Your what?”

Jean chuckled and licked his lips, “What do you think it means when your ex sends you a wedding invitation?”

“How long ago did you break up.”

“We didn’t really break up.” Keith’s eyebrows rose. “I was his college experiment. Kind of. Not really. But it kind of feels that way.”

“How the fuck?”

Jean sighted and hoped Keith was smart enough to just _get_ what he was about to say. “Bisexual - Heteroromantic.”

Keith sighed, “That’s a tough one. You love him?”

“I _did_. I still do in a way. I love what we had. I love the way he made me feel about myself.”

“And the blond?”

“Apple and oranges, asshole.” They both laughed.

“I think I’ve overstayed my welcome. He’s coming over. Better figure it out soon, man. He already knows what he wants.”

Armin crashed into the seat next to Jean. “You know the bartender?”

Jean nodded. “He’s been here a few years.”

The blond smiled to himself. “You’ve been here a few years.”

“That made sense.” Jean smirked, “You tipsy or drunk?”

Armin raised his hand parallel to the ground and tilted it back and forth as a response.

Jean shoved what was left of his water in Armin’s face and he drank it obediently.

Armin leaned in close to Jean’s ear, “Come dance with me.”

“I’m having more fun watching you.”

Armin kissed his forehead slowly, “Please?”

“I’m a terrible dancer, “ Jean said as Armin kissed his temple.

“Let me do a body shot then?”

Jean blushed without warning, “What?”

Armin pulled away. “Or you could dance with me.” His smile was as subtle as it looked lethal. “Your choice.”

And _that_ was how Jean had ended up on the bar shirt hanging open with Armin staring at him from the general area of his navel. Keith poured the shot into his navel from an impressive height, he’d already been salted and lemoned.

The people around them cheered, “Three! Two! One!”

Armin sucked the alcohol out of his navel and swallowed. Jean didn’t even see him wince as the tequila went down his throat. Then Armin’s wet tongue was running up his stomach to between his collar bones. His flesh goosed from the sensation and there was the unmistakable twist of want in his stomach. Maybe it was the atmosphere or the little bit of alcohol he’d had or even the fact that this body shot was the closest thing he’d had to a sexual encounter in years but he _wanted_ so badly.

Armin took the lemon by the edge of his teeth and Jean waited. Every body shot he’d seen ended with the lemon being discarded and the two participants kissing. Armin discarded the lemon and came close. His mouth, perfectly bow shaped and pink, hovered just above Jean’s. He was close enough that Jean could feel Armin's breath against his lips. But the distance didn’t close. Armin’s eyes looked as disappointed as Jean felt when he pulled away.

The crowd had grown rowdy and now the bar was flooded with people who wanted drinks. Jean followed Armin to coat check after waving down Keith and setting two fifty dollar bills on the bar. Armin threw him his coat and then they were out on the harsh winter streets.

They turned into an alley that would take them back to the street Jean’s apartment was on. Jean scratched the back of his head and threw caution to the wind. “You know, I thought we were going to kiss back at the bar.”

Armin was walking a few steps in front of him, he stopped, and turned around. The asphalt crunched beneath his boots as he backed Jean up into the nearest wall. “I wanted to.”

Jean swallowed, “Then why didn’t we?”

The blond licked his lips then brought his mouth close. There were mere centimeters between them, Jean could once again feel Armin’s hot breath and his mouth went slack in anticipatory nervousness. But Armin didn’t move forward, he sighed and leaned his head on Jean’s shoulder. “Who’s Marco?” Armin had spoked at barely more than a whisper. “He’s the reason you won’t kiss me right?”

“What?” Jean moved Armin away gently so he could look at his face.

Armin pushed some stray hair behind his ear. “I saw the wedding invitation. I didn’t really have a name until now. I just,” he exhaled heavily, “I just knew that your were hurt by _somebody_.” Jean was still processing so Armin continued. “I want to kiss you. I want to do a _lot_ with you. But you never pursue my advances. It kind of feels like you just take it. I want you to be ready and for you to kiss me on your own terms.” Armin swallowed, “I don’t mind if you aren’t ready. I don’t mind if you’re never ready because to be honest I can’t promise not to hurt you and if we go past that point I can’t promise to stop either.” Armin laughed in a self deprecating manner.

The moments felt long. Jean’s heart was inflated in his chest when he finally spoke. “I don’t talk about him. Not because I’m still hurting but because I can’t keep him in my life and be happy. I don’t miss him. I miss what I thought we had but I don’t want him. But you’re right. I haven’t been acting on my wants but that’s not because of him.” _it’s because of you_. Armin didn’t respond and stared fixedly at the ground. Jean cleared his throat. “Do you want to try again?”

Armin’s eyes were hopeful when he looked up and then quickly they narrowed and turned predatory. Jean let himself be firmly pushed back against the wall and his stomach dropped when Armin’s free hand was tugging at the roots of his hair.

It was the moment before the kiss that was always the best. Kissing in itself was great but the anticipation, the want, the desire are the things that _made_ the kiss great. Armin’s mouth hovered, slightly open, in front of Jean’s. His breath clouded in the cold between them and Armin nosed his mouth open with gentle prodding and waited.

Jean didn’t think of Marco when he moved forward. He thought of the way Armin laughed when Jean said something dumb, the way Armin could be dangerously seductive, the way Armin’s hair felt between his fingers. And then he decided that Armin was worth whatever heartbreak may come, whatever consequences there may be. Then he was pressing his lips to Armin’s and all he could think about was how warm he felt against him and how soft Armin’s lips were.

The kiss didn’t last long but it didn’t need to to because it promised more than it had given. Jean pulled back slightly breathless from the newness of it and and said, “Why did I ever stop doing that?” Jean felt his face pull back in a grin as he cupped Armin’s cheek.

“Because you’re an idiot.” Jean was pushed back against the wall and then Armin’s lips were on his tasting of that last shot of tequila. Armin, Jean was learning, was an excellent kisser. He needed no coercion as they kissed, in fact, Jean found that it was him who was being led around. Armin pried his mouth open and nipped Jean’s bottom lip he yelped in the most embarrassing manner.

Armin was the one who pulled away this time. “No biting?”

“No, no biting is good I just - you surprised me is all.”

“I’ve been waiting a long time to do this,” Armin breathed against his mouth and kissed him with such urgency their teeth clacked together.

Jean pulled away and Armin chased his lips. “How long is a long time?”

Armin was kissing down his neck like if he stopped the moment would melt away and disappear down a nearby gutter. “Ramen.”

“That early? But you didn’t even know me.”

He pulled away just enough to look up at Jean. There was a smugness in his eyes that Jean found hard to disagree with. “Sometimes you just know people are wonderful. You are  wonderful. I know you are. And you’re so fucking good looking - dear lord.” Armin kissed Jean’s jaw softly and said in a voice that made him blush, “Let’s fuck. I’ve been waiting to do that too.”

Jean could only nod dumbly and note the way Armin’s laughter reverberated up his spine. All his life he’d pictured himself as the sweeper but he was only numbly aware of the fact he was being swept up in Armin like sand in a stormy desert. Hie feelings and thoughts were there minute grains of dust that wouldn’t mean anything until the wind stopped.

He fumbled with his keys when they got to the door. His apartment was dim with only the street light from the widow coming in to light the end of his bed and area between it and the couch.

Armin urged Jean in and kicked the door behind them shut. His mouth was on Jean’s without hesitancy as Jean stumbled backwards to the bed. Armin’s hand were everywhere at once. They were tugging at his jacket, pulling his hair, gripping his hips and then he was laid out flat on the bed breathless and achingly hard. He used his elbows to prop himself up and help dispose of his own clothing. Jean found Armin’s mouth in the darkness just as he’d finished unbuttoning his shirt. The blond had straddled him and Jean could now feel Armin’s erection through his pants pressing against own.

“Jesus Christ,” Armin said putting his palm firmly on Jean’s chest and pushing him back into the mattress.

“What?’

“Your torso,” Armin licked his lips. “I mean I knew you were fit but I didn’t think you’d be so tone.”

Jean prepared to say something snarky in return but then Armin was kissing him. It was no less fevered than before but there was a new gentleness to the way his tongue slid against Jean’s. It was like the moment was slowing down to burn itself into his memory.

He needed to touch the man above him, the realization was jarring. One hand found the small of Armin’s back and the other found the curve of his ass. It wasn’t enough. He needed skin, he longed for the feel of of it against his fingertips. His hand found it’s way into the back of Armin’s jeans and he grabbed at the soft and supple cheek and Armin moaned shakily into his mouth.

Armin was still wearing entirely too much clothing Jean decided when he felt the blond tugging his pants and briefs off his hips. As he kicked them off into the darkness of the room Jean gripped the hem of the Armin’s shirt and started tugging it upwards.

Armin broke their kiss. He was panting heavily and his lips had started to turn from their normal soft pink to a strawberry stained red. “Shirt stays on.”

“Can I still feel you up?”

He nodded, “I’d be offended if you didn’t” Armin smiled like he’d just made a witty joke and they fell back into each other breathless and needy.

Jean ran one hand up the front of Armin’s shirt as the other palmed the blond’s leaking member. “Fuck,” Armin gasped into his mouth.

“Off.”

Armin looked up, just slightly confused, “What?”

“Pants. Off now. For the love of fuck.”

Jean wasted no time when Armin rolled off him. He shrugged off his unbuttoned shirt and threw it off the side of the bed. He was determined to be naked before Armin was pantless but in the end it was Armin who was done first. He pinned Jean’s hands over his head and looked down at him.

Armin was panting and both of them were starting to develop a sheen layer of sweat that made their bodies stick. Armin continued to hold his hands and made a decisive roll of his hips. “Fuck,” Jean hissed as their cocks were pressed together.

“You haven’t seen anything yet,” Armin teased him and rolled his hips again. “Condoms?” He asked as he released Jean’s hands and sat back.

It took Jean a second to clear away enough of the fog to react. “Yeah.” He grabbed Armin by his waist and rolled them over so he was on top and half hanging off the bed.

Armin laughed beneath him as if he thought Jean’s eagerness was adorable. He didn't laugh for too long though. Jean didn’t even bother to suppress his moan when Armin grabbed both of their members and lazily stroked them together as he planted sloppy and wet open mouth kissed across Jean’s chest.

Jean was becoming more desperate as he haphazardly threw his hands around under the bed in search of his box. Finally his hand hit the right box, “Got em’!” He was caught off guard when Armin flipped him back over in one smooth motion. “Little fuckers almost got away from me,” Jean laughed out.

“Good for us they didn’t. You were taking so long I thought I was going to have to finish myself off.” Armin smiled wolfishly then leaned down to kiss Jean firmly on the lips and snatched the box away. He looked inside and pulled out a few packets of lube stashed in there “Scoot back.”

Jean did as prompted and Armin followed crawling over top of him. Once there was enough room Armin turned around. His pelvis was over Jean’s and knees on either side of Jean’s hips. Armin braced himself with the side of his face and shoulders on the mattress so he could look back at Jean.

“Did you want me to -” Jean tried but Armin’s face shut him up.

His cheeks were flushed when he spoke. “I like it when people watch me.”

Jean swallowed just as he felt his dick jump. “Okay.”

Armin braced his left hand on Jean’s leg and reached his right between his legs. His fingers glistened with lube in the moonlight. Jean watched as Armin’s middle finger pushed steadily into his puckered hole. His mouth felt dry and he wanted nothing more than to surge forward and bite Armin’s rounded asscheeks. However, the blond’s gaze kept him in place - kept him wanting.

Jean licked his lips. “You like to be watched?”

“Yeah,” Armin moaned.

“That’s dirty.” Jean punctuated his statement with a firm slap of Armin’s ass.

Armin yelped. “Talk to me dirty.”

Jean smiled. Dirty talk was one of his favorite parts of sex. He squeezed Armin’s calves. “Look how easy you’re opening up for me. Fucking cock is leaking precum like a bitch in heat.” Armin put a second finger in and groaned. “Jesus Christ you’re so fucking hot - finger fucking yourself. I bet you finger fuck yourself until you’re a weeping mess. Tell me; do you think about me when you do it?”

Armin nodded, “Yes.” His voice was small and heated and coming out in little pants.

“You think about me fucking your ass?”

“Yes.”

“How do I do it?”

“Hard. You fuck me hard. You fuck me until I’m cumming without being touched.”

“And do you cry?”

Armin let a sharp smile fall on his face. “No you’re the one that always cries while being fucked. Then you cum all over your chest and make a mess of yourself.” He put in a third finger.

“Is that a promise? You’re going to make me cry?” Jean ran his hands up and down Armin’s calves.

He nodded, his mouth hanging open, “It’s more than a promise it’s a guarantee.” Armin swallowed. “I’m almost ready. You’re a pervert. Like watching me finger my ass. I can feel the heat of your cock. Fucking deviant.” Armin was thrusting his hips back onto his fingers with vigor. “Here.” Armin threw him a condom and a packet of lube.

Jean held it up to the light. “Ribbed?”

“The pack said variety,” Armin laughed. Jean fumbled through putting it on then squeezed the lube on to the top and coated the condom. He moved to get up but was stopped.

“Stay.” Armin sat up and turned around. He crawled over top of Jean and kissed him sloppy. His tongue slid over his with no forethought and it made it all the hotter. Armin pulled away and reach behind him to grab Jean’s cock. “Shit, “ he said and his mouth dropped open.

“Something wrong?”

Armin smiled, pleased, “The curve of your cock is unreal.”

Jean felt his tip nudge against Armin’s hole and then Armin was sliding down it at an even pace. “Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck ‘Min.” Jean was gasping with the effort he was exerting to keep himself from bucking. “Fuck you feel so good.” Once Armin was fully seated in his lap he let out a long sigh and started counting the seconds until Armin adjusted in his head. He didn’t even make it to three before Armin rolled his hips forward.

Armin smiled to himself and his face was red across his cheeks. “Jesus you’re thick” He leaned back, bracing himself on Jean’s thighs. Absently, Jean thought to himself that he’d probably have palm sized bruises there in the morning.

Armin started rolling his hips in a circle. He looked down his nose at Jean who just swallowed and tried not to let the tears forming in his eyes drop. The movement was not enough, it was whisper thin against his dick like an itch he couldn't scratch “You’re a fucking tease.”

“You’re fucking a tease,” Armin giggled. Jean could tell he knew exactly what he was doing. It was in the way his hips made sure and decisive movements like he was dancing to a slow thick jazz song only he could hear. “Are you going to cry because I’m not giving you what you want?”

“Ass.” Jean retaliated and bucked up once. Armin stilled, mouth open and surprised. “Not so fun is it?”

Armin leaned forward and licked his lips. He planted his hands on Jean’s chest and said, “You’re so cute when you want. Like a bratty kid.”

Jean felt all the air rush out of his lungs when Armin raised his hips then brought them back down. He didn’t even have a moment to recover when Armin did it again. “Fuck you’re twitching around me,” he grunted out through clenched teeth. He squeezed Armin’s thigh and ran the other hand under his shirt. Armin’s skin was so warm underneath his fingers and as he came down again Jean threw his head back. “Fuck yeah baby. Bounce on my dick.”

Armin was looking down at him with glazed over eyes. He was raising himself up and slamming back down at an alarming speed. “You look fucking gorgeous,” Jean panted as he took Armin’s member in hand. He used his thumb to spread the dripping precum over his tip and down the shaft.

Armin’s rhythm suddenly changed. His hips were sloppily trying to thrust into Jean’s grip while also continuing to move up and down. “Struggling there handsome?”

The blond narrowed his eyes. “Shut up and help me out here,” Armin panted.

Up until this point he’d been happy to let Armin run the show, after all he hadn’t even been at stage practice the last four years. Jean found in himself a new strength that was no longer content with letting Armin lead the show. His hips rose upwards to meet Armin’s downthrust and Armin clawed at his chest. “Right there Jean!” Armin yelled when Jean thrusted up into him again. “Oh god! Fuck me deeper!”

Not having to be told twice Jean surged his whole body up until he was the one over Armin. He reached back, grabbed a pillow and stuffed it under Armin’s hips to support him He raised up until Armin’s pelvis was angled towards his chest. Jean plunged in deep and Armin gasped which only served to excite Jean further. “You like be fucked hard.” It wasn’t a question but a statement of fact.

Armin dug his heels into Jean’s back and groaned loud and unrestrained when Jean set his pace. He plowed into Armin with little regard for technique and with a near sole focus of ‘harder, deeper’. The slap of skin on skin echoed through the room along with Armin’s wordless cries. “Where’s all that big talk now ‘Min,” Jean panted out. He found his answer when Armin’s nails found his thighs and clawed downward. The burn down the back of his legs finally got the best of him and he lowered them back down and defaulted to steady deep thrusts.

Armin was gasping like he’d been deprived of oxygen. With each thrust of Jean’s hips his cock bounced. Jean leaned down and kissed Armin fully on the mouth. “Are you going to be offended if I tell you your cock is cute?”

In retaliation Armin nipped at his jawline. “I should punch you.”

“Why’s that?”

“I was so close. So fucking close you ditz!”

Jean pulled back a bit, “Like right now? When I was - you know.”

“Yes when you were ‘you know.’”

“But you didn’t say anything!” Jean tried to protest.

Armin kissed him, “That’s just how I work. If you can shut me up it means you better not stop. This is your last warning.”

Jean looked down at him and they laughed. “What next?”

Armin pushed Jean back again. “Gonna make you come first to assert my dominance.” When Jean was flat on his back again Armin spoke, “You’re close aren’t you?”

“Yeah. Pretty close.”

“Got any fun stuff?

“Like a vibe?” Armin nodded and Jean reached over to the bedside table. He pulled out his go to toy. It was a small metallic anal plug with a ring on the end

Armin took it and found the condom box that had managed to stay on the bed. “Care if there’s a condom on it?” Jean shrugged, he really didn’t. He felt it pressed to his ass and then the lubed tip was slipping inside him.

He felt just full when Armin started bouncing again. Armin was a beast when it came to riding. He had half the mind to tell him but then Armin reached back behind Jean’s spread legs and hit the little button inside the ring. The sporadic pulsations coursed through his pelvis and as Armin ground his hips hard and fast on his causing the plug to change angle.

Jean threw his head back, “Oh! Fuck me!”

“I thought that’s what I was doing,” Jean heard Armin say, if only barely.

The tip of the vibe was just barely grazing his prostate and he thought he might cum right then and there. He’d gone from lonely me time to fast paced premium fucking for the first time in years. The union of Armin’s hot body earnestly bouncing on his dick and the toy were too much. He wanted so much from this moment. He needed to feel more. Be more. Do more. But the sensation was building to fast. He wanted to yell ‘stop’ if only to prolong the moment but he was physically unable to when Armin pushed his fingers in his mouth and silently demanded Jean show just how in _need_  he was. Jean slathered those fingers in sticky wetness and kissed the knuckles. When he bit at the fleshy pads he also scratched at Armin’s thighs and the blond groaned.

The tightness in his balls suddenly released and he was a gasping, moaning mess as Armin finally slowed down. The blond was fully seated in his lap and his rolled his hips forward and back until Jean was done having the first orgasm he hadn’t given himself in years.

Armin left the vibe in when he finally crawled up Jean’s body, cock still hard and aching. Jean was a mess. He lay useless against his pillows covered in sweat. It wasn’t until the tip of Armin’s dick was nudging at his mouth did he regain his sense about him. He craned his neck up and took Armin in his mouth. What Armin might have lacked in girth he made up for in length. The blond’s fingers were in his hair helping him along as he shallowly thrust in and out of Jean’s mouth. Jean’s fingers grabbed at Armin’s ass and dug in, he felt the shudder that rolled through Armin.

The blond tried to pull away but Jean kept him there are the first shot of sticky cum hit his tongue the the second hit the back of his throat and he choked. Jean released Armin and the final two shots ended up on his face. Armin wiped the bit of cum the landed on Jean’s face away with his thumb and then pushed his thumb into Jean’s mouth.

They were both panting and Armin grabbed his face in both hands. “That was so much better than I thought it would be.” Jean tied off the condom and threw it in the general direction of the trash. They kissed slow and deep as Jean pulled them down on the mattress. Armin’s hands were pinned between them and his shirt had been mostly hiked up under his arms so they were skin to skin.

Armin reached over Jean’s hip to pull the plug out and turn it off then reached behind himself to the nightstand and set it down. When he came back to him Armin kissed Jean in a blissful slow way that only happened after sex. Their lips lingered and pulled away unwillingly as they made a loud smack.

Jean reached up and cradled Armin’s chin as they kissed again.

Armin smiled against his lips. “Trying to go for round two?”

He shook his head. “If only I still had the stamina of my late teens and early twenties.” His hand moved from Armin’s chin to his hair and his fingers got tangled there. “In the morning though somebody is getting fucked. I swear.” They both laughed at this. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“What exactly is ‘it?’”

“What this makes us.”

“Nope.”

Jean rolled this over in his head. “Okay but will you tell me something else then?”

“Hmm?”

“What the hell is your last name?”

Armin kissed him quick and fleeting. “Arlert. Seems like a rude thing to ask after having sex though, huh?”

Jean stretched and laid back flat on his pillow. “You’re never satisfied are you?”

Armin curled up at his side and made circles on his chest with his index finger. “You remember when we went to ramen and you said you hated your job?”

“I think I say that a lot, but, yeah.”

The blond paused and let out a breath. “What would your dream job be?”

“I’d want to design video games.”

“Really? I didn’t know you’re an artist.”

“Ah,” Jean teased, “I, too, have secrets. Maybe not as many as you but enough. Besides I mean I’d do the actually coding.”

Armin poked his ribs and Jean looked down to see a frown settled on his face. “No secrets; just privacy.”

Jean kissed the top of Armin’s head and he seemed forgiven.

“Why’d you stop?”

“Stop what?”

“Drawing.”

He shrugged. “Long or short version?”

“Long,” Armin yawned.

“Are you actually going to stay awake for it?”

“Yep.”

“And if you don’t”

Armin scoffed. “I’ll eat your ass out in the morning. I don’t know.”

“You're sassy after fucking.”

He seemed to find this funny and laughed. “Get use to it. There’s no going back”

“Short version - life sucks. Long version - I wanted to help make video games. I use to game a lot in high school and I mean drawing was just a hobby for me. It wasn’t a passion - video games were a passion which I know is dumb but gaming was the thing I went home and did and drawing was the thing I did when I needed something else. Plus I was one of those assholes that was just kind of naturally good at it so I mean I wasn’t creating masterpieces or anything but it wasn’t shit either. So I figured around senior year ‘well shit why not _make_ video games?’ So I took an extra math class, submitted some of my better drawings to the art teacher and somehow managed to land myself in a junior level class, and an introductory computer programming class and I mean I was just good at that too. So that’s what I went to school for - computer programming slash software engineering; partly because I just _got_ it and partly because I found out while in my freshman year graphic design and programming weren’t exactly the same thing. I also was encouraged because ‘job security’. Got out of school and applied everywhere I could to try and become part of a team doing the actual programming. Got shot down a bunch and I mean I needed a job. Became an overqualified IT guy.”

Armin didn’t say anything for a second and Jean was sure he’d fallen asleep. “Where are all your video games now?”

“Technically in my closet but truthfully I got really busy in college. Not to mention broke. Started being a luxury and then when I could afford them I couldn’t justify the time playing them anymore.”

“That’s really sad.”

He shrugged again and burrowed deeper under the covers. “I have better things in life now.” Jean kissed Armin’s forehead. “What about you? What was your dream?”

“I wanted to be a doctor.”

“I could see that. What stopped you?”

There was silence. “Mostly myself.”

“I just gave you a three page essay for an answer ‘Min.” He heard a soft snore. “Perfect time for you to sleep, huh?”

Jean sighed and closed his eyes so he could sleep. A moment later he heard Armin’s voice soft and quiet. “Goodnight Jean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So they finally smashed. Show some love.  
> Comments, Kudos, and reblogs on [tumblr](http://cunttwatula.tumblr.com/tagged/wgiw) are appreciated.  
> Sorry if you don't like my interpretation of Armin/Jean as they relate to sex.  
> So what should you all look forward to next? IDK. Just consider that we aren't half way done.  
> Can't wait until next week? Try my other Jearmin Fics. Guaranteed not to be as heavy.
> 
> See you next week!


	10. Shot Up Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's still Wednesday where I live.  
> From here on out they smash kind of often.
> 
> Banner by the ever generous [watergirls1968](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Watergirl1968/pseuds/Watergirl1968)

* * *

 

He heard slapping sounds when he was just on the brink of being pulled back to consciousness Jean tried his hardest to ignore them and found himself pulled back under. It wasn’t sleeping after that so much as it was willful indulgence. Minutes later the bathroom door opened and he cracked an eye open to see Armin emerge. He set down the same small leather backpack he always seemed to be carrying and stretched. His face was soft and unsure.

“Hey,” Jean said easily though his voice was raspy from sleep.

Armin startled and pulled down his sleeve before smiling easily and coming over to crawl over top of Jean. He kissed the tip of his nose and they both smiled. “Lovers,” he said decisively but with a slow and loose drawl.

Jean breathed out through his nose as he connected the dots. “Is that what we are? I thought you didn’t want to talk about it.”

“I didn’t want to talk about it in the middle of the night after having sex. It would have ruined the postsex bliss.”

“Boyfriend is too much of a commitment?”

Armin looked complacent when he spoke “Lovers isn’t enough?”

Jean shook his head. “It’s fine. We can be whatever you need us to be.”

“You work today?”

“Nope. What about you?”

He nodded. “But not until later.” His voice sounded half asleep but Armin just stared at the wall.

Jean hooked an arm over Armin’s waist and flipped them. “Good,” he said then kissed Armin quick and full on the mouth. He rubbed his hardening member against Armin’s inner thigh. “You want to?” He punctuated his question with another kiss.

Armin smiled against his mouth, “You’re insatiable.” They laughed.  

It was different in the morning. By night they had been beasts but in the mid morning sun they had become human. Jean noticed things that had evaded him the night before. Armin had a mole on his inner thigh that when kissed made him take shaky breaths. He was uncut and when the skin was pulled back the head of Armin’s cock was velvety pink. Jean tongued Armin’s delicate opening and he quickly unraveled.

Jean pulled back and marveled at the way Armin looked with his milky white thighs spread open and cute sensitive cock standing at attention. He pulled up the hem of Armin’s shirt and kissed his navel. “How do you want to do it?” Jean’s head was under Armin’s shirt licking his ribs.

Armin just moaned uselessly and hooked his leg over Jean’s side and forced him down so they were laying down together.

He emerged from under Armin’s shirt and kissed at his neck. Jean thought of the time he’d brought Armin in from the cold; he gripped Armin’s thigh as he sucked until Armin’s neck was red with fresh hickeys.

Jean rocked his hips forward pushing their erections together and Armin gasped small and needy like a virgin new to pleasure. “You want it slow and lazy?”

Armin made a willowy affirmative sound.

He reached over to the nightstand the condoms had ended up on and grabbed the last half packet of lube and put it right on his palm to slick his cock. He pushed Armin’s legs shut and pushed his cock between them. “I’ll take care of you baby,” he whispered against Armin’s golden hair then he took Armin in hand and jerked him off. He started with slow meaningful pumps as he rocked his hips forward lazily.

Armin was so pliable in the morning. Not at all like how he had been when covered in darkness.

Jean ran his thumb over the slit and Armin bucked forward suddenly. “Close already,” Jean teased.

The blond just panted hot and wet into Jean’s mouth in response.

The goal now was not to last and neither of them was going to. Jean sped up his hips so they were near in time with the fist wrapped around Armin’s cock. “Jean,” Armin licked his lip, “I’m really close.” His cheeks were pink with effort and his eyes were glassy.

Jean slipped his tongue in Armin’s mouth to let him know it was okay and he languidly slid his tongue against Armin’s. The blond dug his nails into Jean’s bare chest then gasped as he came hard between them. Armin squeezed his thighs together tighter as he came and Jean let out a contained grunt as he, too, came.

He flopped onto his back then looked over and pushed Armin’s thighs apart. He had no idea what it was about seeing cum dripping down inner thighs that did it for him but he felt immensely more satisfied in seeing it.

Armin’s was still heaving and he had a blissed out little smile on his face when Jean got up and went to the bathroom. He wet a rag for his adorable lover and took it to him. He raised one leg and wiped away his mess. He did the same for the other and left a kiss on the inside of Armin’s knee. “I’m going to shower. What are you going to do?”

The blond rolled over, “Sleep,” he said shortly.

Jean kissed his cheek and went to shower. There was nothing different about his bathroom when he entered but it felt different. He found the difference. There was a button bag left on the sink. He trashed it and felt better.

Jean emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. Armin had managed to take up the entire bed. He wasn’t sure how late Armin was working so he decided to leave him and go about his business.

He left the apartment and locked the door behind him. His neighbor was also leaving. She was a small frail woman but at least one of her kids stopped by everyday to see her. She smiled at him coyly. “Quite an evening you had.” Jean blushed and she cackled as she left.

Jean ran his hands through his hair and let out a lungful of breath before tugging on his beanie. Outside the air was startling despite how bundled up he was. He didn’t have a particular plan as he walked across the intersection. He needed groceries and to grab more condoms and lube if the previous twelve hours had been any indication of things to come.

Instead he walked halfway to the station and stopped in front of Connie’s apartment. It _was_ Thursday which meant Sasha had the early shift.

He took the stairs two at a time a long forgotten song about love and lust tripping over his tongue. Jean even rapped out the beat on Connie’s door.

The door swung open; Connie was on the other side wearing only a pair of gym shorts and drying his bald head with a towel. His face settled into a hard line, “You fucking slept with him.”

Jean rubbed the back of his neck and became aware of the smile plastered to his face. “Is it that obvious?”

“Jesus fucking Christ man,” Connie left the door open for Jean to follow as he went to the couch. He grabbed his salmon colored hoodie and pulled it on forgoing the zipper before leaning against the arm of the couch. “You couldn’t be any more obvious unless you had tattooed to your forehead.”

“Alright man. Why the face?” Jean asked closing the door behind him.

One of Connie’s arm was across his chest and his other hand was raised to his mouth. “I just-,” he paused. “I’m worried about you man. I know you’re going to tell me not to but _something_ is wrong.”

Jean wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting when he knocked but he suddenly felt defensive and small. “You know. You’re being a real prick, man.”

“Jean! You’re my best friend! Fuck, I’m your best friend and I mean I know that doesn't give me a right to shit on your happiness but dude - what do you even _know_ about him?”

“Dude. I don’t need a lecture from you. How can you even say anything is wrong?”

Connie ran his hand over his face in annoyance. “Well one; do you even know this guys last name?”

“Arlert.” He chose not to tell him he’d just learned it.

His friend’s eyes widened, “Okay. One Jean - zero Connie. But do you know where he’s staying?”

“With friends”

“What friends?”

“Does it matter?”

“Okay, where’s he from?”

“Not here.”

“Why’d he move to the ghetto ass northside when he’s obviously from some rich class?”

“What makes you say that?”

Connie threw his hands away from himself, “His shoes. That kid was wearing limited edition men’s Doc Martin’s”

“Jesus how do you even know that?” Jean knew exactly how. He’d been friends with Connie long enough to know that he was the type to stop and pull out a magic eraser if you stepped on his shoes.

Connie just raised his brows and ignored the question.

Jean swallowed. “Some people need privacy. I’m respecting his.”

“Sometimes privacy is there to hide secrets.”

“Fuck man. Why are you so against this?”

Connie came over and clapped Jean on the shoulders. “Because, man, you wear your heart on your sleeve and I don’t want to see you how you were when Marco got with Mina.”

Jean sighed. “I know you don’t believe me but trust me. Armin’s not going to turn out like Marco.”

His friend threw his hands up in defeat. “Alright. I’ll support you now that I’ve said my piece. Just remember that sex doesn’t make promises.”

“Even if we did it twice in the last twelve hours.”

“Dude. You’re a fucking hornball.”

Jean laughed, “Hey now! I was basically a nun for the last, nearly, four years.”

Connie rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. “So we’re cool right?”

He nodded and held out his fist. “Yeah man.” Jean laughed as Connie launched into a story about Sasha’s sibling breaking their arm. There was a thought at the back of his head though _what do I really know about Armin?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Comments, Kudos, and [Tumblr](http://cunttwatula.tumblr.com/tagged/wgiw) shares are appreciated!
> 
> Next week we meet Jean's family? I think we do. There's so many chapters I can't keep the plot straight. 
> 
> But for serious exposure helps spread the story!


	11. Jump The Two Week Gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back!  
> It is Wednesday. At least here it is. 
> 
> Banner by the currently on hiatus [watergirl1968](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Watergirl1968/pseuds/Watergirl1968)

Armin didn’t keep the key to Jean’s apartment and when Jean asked why all Armin said was “You shouldn’t trust me just yet.” Then he pushed Jean back against the wall and kissed him hard before going down on him in the kitchen.

Part of Jean thought the secondary reason was so that he could never expect to see Armin. Each time the blond showed up it was a surprise. There were still days he didn’t see Armin and then he’d get a random messages saying some variant of don’t worry. However; it also wasn’t uncommon for Armin to knock on the door at two am without warning, strip off his clothes, and crawl into bed next to Jean. On nights like those Armin slept like the dead.

For the first time, in a long time, Jean wanted to share his life with somebody. When things with Marco had ended he hadn’t had a desire to date. The thought of getting that close to somebody again had no appeal. Yet, here he was with Armin curled up at his side softly snoring across his chest. He thought about taking Armin to meet his parents and one day meeting Armin’s friends if he could get past the thick shell he kept around him.

“Hey,” Jean shook the arm that the blond had dubbed a pillow. “‘Min, wake up.”

Armin pushed his forehead roughly into Jean’s side. “No,” he wailed.

Jean leaned down and put a kiss in Armin’s hair, “I’ll go grab you coffee from Berta’s”

“Don’t go. The bed will be cold.” Armin tried to tangle them together and pressed his frozen toes between Jean’s calves.

“I’ll get you the heated blanket.”

“‘s not the same,” Armin complained. He finally opened his eyes and looked up at Jean. “What if I told you I’m naked under this blanket.”

Jean laughed quietly, “You’re not.”

“I could be if you stay.”

There was an ache in his chest and he groaned because he so wanted to take Armin up on his offer. “Why must you tempt me?”

“Because you’re cute.”

Jean relaxed and looked down at Armin, “I woke you up for a reason.”

“And that would be?”

“I wanted to know if you were going home for thanksgiving.”

Armin sat up cross legged on the bed and scratched his head. “No. I guess not.”

“Would you want to go with me?”

“Go with you where?”

“Thanksgiving at my parents.”

Armin didn’t respond and silence filled the room. “Isn’t it a little soon to take me home to meet the parents?”

“I’m not taking you to meet the parents. I’m taking you to eat some really good food and maybe do some sightseeing.”

“Sightseeing? Where are you even from that there’s sightseeing?”

“Aptos, California. Where are you from that there’s not sightseeing?”

“No, there is I just wouldn’t list it as a selling point.”

“What would be your selling point?”

Armin thought, “Lobster. There is no better lobster that a Maine one.”

“Wait.” Jean propped himself up on the bed. “You’re from Maine?”

He hugged his knees to himself, “I was. I use to live right on the coast.” Armin laughed, “I’m what’s probably called a spoiled rich kid.” He got a far away look in his eye and Jean reached out to grab his hand and rubbed his thumb reassuringly over the top. “Look where I am now, though.” His words were nearly a whisper.

Jean tried to come up with something comforting but all he could pull from his brain was, “You’re fine ‘Min. You’re fine the way you are.”

Armin’s face was demure when he looked back to him and Jean was sure his heart was going to break free of his rib cage and bleed all over his bed. “You promised me coffee.”

“You haven’t answered my question.”

Armin took his hand away from Jean and ran his pointer finger down the bridge of Jean’s nose. “I don’t have money.”

Jean just shrugged. “My dad’s a pilot. Free tickets.”

“If we were characters in a novel that would be a convenient plot point the author just made up.”

Jean sat up so fast he scared Armin. “Hold the phones. Are you telling me you are more willing to believe we’re characters in a novel than you are to believe in time travel?”

“Are we really back to this!” Armin lamented as he threw his head back. “You bring this up way too often.”

“This is the only thing that keeps you from being perfect.”

Armin laughed. “You think to highly of me.”

“You don’t think enough of yourself,” was all Jean could counter with. He closed his eyes as Armin leaned in to kiss him softly. “Thanksgiving - yay or nay?”

Armin sighed and pushed his hair back. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Jean didn’t try to hide his disappointment. “If I ask ‘why’ will you give me a real answer?”

“I just -” Armin blew hair out of his face as he avoided Jean’s eyes. “We’re still new. I don’t want to rush. Rushing is going to scare me.” Jean didn’t speak. “Four months. Give it four months and we do a meet the parents trip.”

Jean fell forward and rested his head on Armin’s shoulder. “You’re right.” Armin’s hand was comforting in his hair. “You know, I just - can I talk about Marco?”

Armin kissed the crown of his head in response.

“You know - he kissed me first. I thought he wanted me the way I wanted him. I thought we were on the same page. But, ya know, we never talked about our families or taking each other to meet them. Maybe, I’m just trying to make sure were one the same page. I want you to know that I’m serious.”

“I know you are,” Armin was starting to sound half asleep again. “You don’t have to push yourself. It’s been so long since you’ve been this way with a person don’t go and give all of yourself away so quickly. Just enjoy where we’re at.”

 _Just enjoy where we’re at_. Jean rolled the words over in his mind like a prayer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet enough it will nearly make up for the sting.  
> We actually meet Jean's family next week. My bad.
> 
> Comments and Kudos make me feel good.  
> Or, if you'd like to help spread the story consider sharing on [Tumblr](http://cunttwatula.tumblr.com/tagged/wgiw)


	12. The Family Jewels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are asking yourself if it's Wednesday - no it's not. It's Thursday and if you are now asking yourself why is Adri updating late the short answer is: because. The long answer had to do with the stomach flu, lost hikers, twd, and d&d. Not even kidding.
> 
> Regardless let's on with it! Here's the chapter in all it's glory. 
> 
> Banner by [watergirl1968](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Watergirl1968/pseuds/Watergirl1968)

****

* * *

 

Jean’s mom picked him up at the airport in Monterey the Monday before Thanksgiving. Just because Armin wasn’t going didn’t mean he was allowed to back out of his commitment. He’d thought about making an excuse to stay home  then he saw clearly in his mind how not one person would ever let him live it down. Some families were all about Halloween or Christmas but Jean’s family was about Thanksgiving. Extended family across the bay area went to a different house every year; this year dinner was to take place at his parent’s house so, it was mandatory, as far as family functions go, that he attend. Despite having five grandparents, three uncles, two aunts, fifteen cousins, two second cousins, one second cousin on the way, and one younger sister he had been the only one to move out of an immediate fifty mile radius of the entire family. It’d been a quieter existence ever since.

“Jean!” His mother rushed him. She was a French woman that his father had met when he flew international and she was the only one who said his name with the French pronunciation. When she was young she’d looked like Audrey Hepburn now she looked like a mom. She was pudgy around her middle and her hair was thick and swept into a ponytail. His mother had bought into the hippie/bohemian style that was popular in the bay area and her ankle length hemp skirt, orthopedic shoes, bandana, and various jangly objects proved it.

“It’s so good to have you back, son.” She latched onto his middle and squeezed until she was shaking with effort.

“Ma,” no response. “MAH!” Jean tried to _politely_ shove her off him. “I came here in one piece I’d like to go back in one piece.”

She finally let him go and held him at arms length. “Okay. Okay.” Cars were starting to drive around her car which she had left parked with the drivers door open. She smiled so wide Jean thought her face would crack.

“Ma, we should go.”

She seemed surprised by his suggestion. “Right!” She jogged around to the other side of the car as Jean threw his stuff in the backseat and got in front.

“Where’s Julia?”

His mom threw her hand in the air and made a face. “School. Hopefully.”

Jean nodded to himself. Being an adult made you forget how school worked. He was about to ask about his dad when his name popped up on the dashboard: Jason.

His mother clicked a button on her steering wheel and shouted, “Hello my love!”

“Joey, baby, did you get the boy?” His mother’s actual name was Josephine. They were a family of Js.

“Yes! Yes!” She batted Jean repeatedly in the arm. “He’s right here. We are coming home now.”

“Jean,” his father’s disembodied voice sounded cautionary and the tone said a lot more than his father actually did. _Be nice to your mother._

He sat up straighter. “We’ll be home soon dad.”

They’d just gotten on the freeway when his mother looked over and asked, “So, _Jean_ , do you have a nice girlfriend yet?”

He tried not to groan. “No, Ma.”

“So no grandbabies. Maybe soon.”

Jean tried to look asleep the rest of the ride.

* * *

He was in the kitchen eating roasted tomatoes with mozzarella when Julia came home. His sister was seventeen and spindly, she took after their mom’s side of the family in that respect. However; she was blond like their father.

She dropped her backpack when they locked eyes and then she was lunging after him. “JEAN!” Julia shrieked as she latched onto him.

Jean coughed as the wind was knocked out of him and she toppled them to the floor in the kitchen. “I’m fucking choking you ass!”

She rolled off him and helped him up so they could hug properly. “I missed you.” She sighed.

Jean laughed. “Missed you, too. I guess.”

She let go of him and punched him gently in the arm. “Jerk.”

* * *

People had started arriving on Thursday around eight in the morning. By four in the afternoon Jean thought he might die from exhaustion. It was strange, as always, being the only one who didn’t live close. The family got together in smaller groups all throughout the year so they were always up to date with each others lives. Jean though was lucky enough to get twenty questions from everyone.

_How’s work? When are you going to introduce us to your girlfriend? Why don’t you visit more? Got a girlfriend? Promotion underway? Anyone special in your life?_

Jean was over it. Dinner couldn’t come soon enough. At least then everyone would be too preoccupied eating to talk to him.

It was just as everybody was starting to line up for food when Julia pulled him upstairs. The baby gates had been up all day so the chances of them being followed were near zero. She pulled him into her room and then they were crawling out the bay window onto the porch roof.

“Had enough yet?” Julia joked as she shut the window behind them.

“Way more than enough.” Jean rubbed his biceps. He hadn't known they were going to be outside. “What the hell are we doing out here?”

Julia smiled like the demon he knew she was. “Behold,” she dramatized and pulled a tin breathmint can out of her jacket.

“Jesus Christ, Julia.”

She laughed as she flipped the lid open and started packing her straight shooter. Jean wasn’t really surprised. He’d always been honest with his sister and she knew he use to partake pretty heavily in high school and college but he hadn’t in recent years. “You at least know what’s in it right?” Jean asked as she lit up.

“It’s from an herb shop.” She hit it. “It’s pure.”

Jean took the piece from her and looked at it doubtfully.

“It’ll help you relax. The house had you all tense. I’m pretty sure I could break a brick on your back.”

Jean rolled his eyes and lit up. He’d half been expecting the adult in him to reject the smoke and cough before he could even get a quarter hit in. But, the smoke went down easy and he felt eighteen again. “You do this often?”

She shrugged. “Not really. Never during season. But I mean family is stressful and is it dumb to think it’d be cool to smoke with you.”

Jean laughed and passed the piece back. “Not at all. Though I have to admit I never thought I’d smoke with my baby sister.”

Julia smiled and took another hit. “So you got a girlfriend?”

“Not you too.”

“Boyfriend?”

Jean didn’t say anything. “It’s complicated.” Out of all the family members Jean had only told Julia about being bisexual. It wasn’t that he thought his family would be unaccepting it was that it didn’t feel like the information was important enough to warrant a ‘coming out’.

Julia jabbed him in the sides. “Tell me about him,” she practically squealed.

He rubbed his hair. “I don’t know, Jewels. I really like him. A lot.” He paused. “I asked him to come actually.”

“You mean to Thanksgiving dinner?” He nodded. “Shit. You’re whipped.”

Jean shoved her playfully. “You’d like him.”

“Not so sure. I mean he did turn down free food.”

Jean flopped back. “We’re not really dating.” Julia didn’t say anything. She knew when to speak and when to just let Jean think. “Like were sleeping together, yeah.”

“Ew.”

Unphased Jean continued. “But I don’t know if he wants a relationship. When I asked him what we were he said ‘lovers.’ But I’m not sure what that means.”

“Well are you cool with that?”

He thought. “Yeah. I mean I guess. I want to be whatever is going to keep him around.”

“Gay.” They both laughed. “Literally. But maybe it’s better that way. You know?”

“Yeah.”

“Because I mean - Marco fucked you up Jean. So maybe doing things like this with one hand in and the other out is a good thing.”

“You know it wasn’t all him.” He said; yet, Jean couldn’t find it in himself to disagree that the entire ordeal had left him a little hollow. “You should come visit.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Maybe around Christmas.” He licked his lips. “You could meet ‘Min.”

Julia shook the ashes off the side of the roof and tucked the piece under a loose shingle. “That his name? ‘Min?”

Jean shook his head. “It’s just what I call him. ‘S name is Armin.”

She started giggling. “Armin.”

“What’s so funny brat?”

Julia opened the window behind them and shoved her forearm through. “Arm in.” She retracted her arm quickly with a flair of her wrist. “Arm out.”

“You’re hilarious.” Jean tried to sound hard but he just sounded slow and patient.

She crawled over to the window and went through while saying “Julia in.” She poked her head out just as Jean he looked over his shoulder. “Julia out.”

Jean sighed. “I’m going to stay here a minute,” he whispered into her room. Julia threw a half ass wave behind herself as she exited.

The air in Aptos was different. The cold didn’t feel like he was breathing jagged glass and asphalt; it felt like he was inhaling silence and pine. He pulled his phone out of his back pocket and texted Armin.

_I’m high on a roof_

__

Jean didn’t hold his breath for a response. Armin wasn’t good at that. He nearly jumped when he was proven wrong.

_HIGH ON WHAT_

__

He smirked there was no reason for caps.

_think i just said a roof_

__

He waited.

_are you up high on a roof or are you stoned on a roof?_

__

Jean smirked.

_Primo CA herb_

__

Armin responded.

_lord - i thought.... nevermind. don’t scare me  i’ll have to punish you_

__

Jean felt witty

_plzzzzz do._

__

His phone buzzed almost instantly.

 

_I’ll consider it. Be safe._

__

He licked his lips and thought of how his chest ached just a little.

_I miss you._

__

His mother came through Julia’s door then. “Jean! The family wonders where you are! Come! Eat. Eat.”

“Fine Ma.” Jean crawled in through the window.

“You don’t have a jacket. You’ll get sick.”

“I know Ma.”

Jean set his phone on a table in the hall knowing he’d check it all night otherwise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT!? OCs?!   
> I love OCs.  
> I love sibling relationships.  
> I also love making Jean half Mexican - this is the only fic I haven't and it's on my list of regrets.
> 
> Anyway COMMENTS, KUDOS, and [TUMBLR](http://cunttwatula.tumblr.com/tagged/wgiw) shares help this story be less terrible. 
> 
> Share the coming storm with your close friends.
> 
> See you all Wednesday. For real.


	13. Where The Ocean Meets The Sand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After two weeks of late updates this is one time! Whoo!   
> So, here's the thing. Sometimes people to dangerous things. Like find a guy on the internet and take your computer to his house to get fixed at 2030 so you can post fanfiction. Other times they jump off a cliff without a parachute. -shrugs-
> 
> Banner by [watergirl1968](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Watergirl1968/pseuds/Watergirl1968), in case you were curious.

* * *

 

He’d taken a cab back from the airport and tipped a twenty. It had snowed again while he was away so the air smelled like wet smog.

Armin had never texted him back. He figured that once he got inside he’d text him that he was home and spend the next half hour or so laying awake to see if he’d come by.

Jean stepped down the stairs to the bottom level rhythmically and in the hall, outside his door, was Armin. He was warming his hands by blowing in them. When he saw Jean he braced his boots on the floor and pushed himself up the wall.

“‘Min?” Jean swallowed. “I was just about to text you.”

He watched Armin bite back a smile like he didn’t want to let on how flattered he was. His eyes were soft and Jean would have sworn they glinted in the dim hall light.

“Let’s go in?”

“Yeah.”

Jean stepped around him and unlocked the door. He threw his duffel bag towards the coffee table. The door clicked shut behind him and he turned around. “So why were-”

Armin’s mouth was hot against his and shut him up without warning. He couldn’t suppress the gasp that escaped his lungs and Armin swallowed it with hunger.

Jean pulled away. “‘Min the heater isn’t even on.”

“Don’t care.” Armin nuzzled under his chin with his eyes closed. It reminded Jean of a cat.

He pulled Armin close and kissed the top of his head. “I missed you too.”

Armin’s hands pulled at the back of his jacket and his pushed his face into the crook of Jean’s neck. “I want you.”

Jean retracted and tilted Armin’s chin up to kiss him softly. “How?”

“Slow and soft.” Armin laughed, “Like an Al Green song.”

He smirked and kissed him again. “I’m going to get to be in charge for once?”

Armin pushed him playfully. “What do you mean ‘for once.’ You’re in charge at least ten percent of the time.”

“I thought you were going to punish me.”

Armin kissed him lazy and deep. His tongue pushed over his whisper soft. “There’s always next time.”

Jean lifted him and Armin wrapped his legs around Jean's hips. They kissed the way the ocean brushes against the shore in the summer; slow, steady, and constant while innocently hiding the danger in it’s depths.

Jean balanced Armin on his hips and  walked them over to the bed. Armin was different tonight. Most night he was forward and certain but now, as Jean set him on the mattress, he couldn’t help but think he was loose and vulnerable.

Clothes came off one at a time. There was no rush to their movements. Jean took care to kiss each inch of exposed flesh that Armin would allow him access to. He tugged off Armin’s pants and rubbed his face against the cold skin of Armin’s calf. “You must have been in the hall a long time. You’re freezing.”

“That, or your heater’s not on.” Armin pushed his briefs over his hips and Jean adjusted so they could come off. The blond helped him out of his shirt in one swift motion so he could kiss the newly freed flesh. Jean’s skin goosed as Armin’s tongue ran from the center of his chest to his nipple. Armin rolled his tongue across it until the flesh pebbled and then he moved to the other. His eyes flicked up to Jean’s as he pulled back from Jean’s chest. The unspoken words were buried deep in Armin’s blue irises and they stirred in the pit of Jean’s stomach.

Quickly he removed his own pants and crawled over top of Armin until the blond was laid back flat on the blankets. Armin’s hands pushed against his bare chest and one of Jean’s hands found it’s way under the thick gray sweater Armin was wearing while the other palmed the silky flesh of Armin’s exposed balls.

They kissed. Jean’s tongue flicked softly in Armin’s mouth and he canted up into Jean’s touch. Armin movements took on an impatient quality and pulled away from Jean’s mouth. “S’ cold”

Jean wrapped one arm around the small of Armin’s back and dragged him up the bed towards the pillows. “You’re the one that said forget the heater.”

They burrowed under the blankets and Armin wrapped his hand around Jean’s cock.

“Christ your hand is cold.”

Armin kissed his nose, “Sorry.”

Jean ran his thumb over Armin’s cock to help slick him with precum. “Here. Let me.” He took both them in his hands and Armin moved his arms up around Jean’s neck and pulled him down into a hard kiss, the type that was meant to verify the moment was real.

He passed his thumb over their tips and Armin bucked up into the touch. There was something about Armin that made his heart twist. It was in the way Armin was pushing against him and pulling him close with a tenderness that was unlike before. His body told Jean what he suspected Armin wouldn’t say and even then he wasn’t sure he could properly hear the whispers past Armin’s walls.

“Jean,” He gasped into his mouth. Armin squirmed against him and used the leg drapped over Jean’s hip to drag them closer. Their legs were tangled and Armin’s mewls were becoming harsh deep moans. “I’m close,” he whispered against Jean’s cheek.

Jean swallowed, “Me too.” He increased his pace as much as his cramping hand would allow. Armin’s nails made their way down his back with a noticeable burn that edged him on further. He’d reached his breaking point then; Jean felt his balls tighten and his toes curl. “‘Min, I-”

Armin swallowed whatever Jean had planned to say - _I missed you. I love you. I want you. I need you._

The blond grunted as Jean continued to stroke though his own orgasm. Armin spilled over just as Jean pulled away from his lover’s mouth to breath deep and uneven. Their cum mixed together as Jean continued to pump them until they were both mostly limp and overly sensitive. They laid like that tangled and kissing until sleep threatened to take him.

Armin rolled over and grabbed wipes from the nightstand to clean them up.

“Cold,” Jean whined when the wipes touched him

“Baby.”

Armin tossed the wipes off the side of the bed and when he turned back Jean dragged him close. He wrapped his arms around Armin and they tangled their legs together again. Under most circumstances people didn’t sleep like this but, it _was_ cold.

“Did you enjoy your trip?”

“Yeah. Maybe next time you can go.”

“Maybe.” He heard Armin swallow. “Did you really miss me?”

Jean kissed him. “Time to sleep.”

He fell asleep like that; happy, in his bed, entangled with the only person he wanted, and he had a feeling he’d fallen all at once and without warning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah look. Things are great. Things are GREAT. (If you have happened to read my [other works](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mindlessadri/works?fandom_id=721553) you know where this is going.)
> 
> Regardless; comment, kudos, and [tumblr](http://cunttwatula.tumblr.com/tagged/wgiw) shares help spread the word.


	14. The Better View

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Wednesday! Happy midweek. Two more days until Friday. You can make it! And hopefully this will make it a little better. 
> 
>  
> 
> Banner by [watergirl1968](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Watergirl1968/pseuds/Watergirl1968), who I've heard will be back soon with Cherry Kirsch! Thank you very much.

* * *

 

 

Saturday, following his return, Jean had off. He’d woken up using Armin as a body pillow. Armin, he had learned, was the world’s heaviest sleeper. He hit the pillow most nights after his shower and dropped dead. Of course, though, Jean had only learned this since he got back. Most nights previous to his return Armin only stayed if they’d had sex or if he’d shown up at some ungodly hour to have sex.

They’d watched _Ghost Hunters_ on Wednesday when he got off work and Armin had promised to only laugh once an episode. He, more or less, kept his promise. Tuesday after work, though, Jean had learned just how smart Armin was while they watched _Pawn Stars_. Armin knew more about the items on that show than the spoon fed shit the guys on the show knew. Though, Armin insisted that the guys actually knew what they were talking about. He got laughed at for believing in ghosts but Armin was allowed to willfully ignore terrible acting.

Armin also knew almost all the answers on Jeopardy which Jean found equally impressive.

“How do you do it?”

“What do you mean?” Armin paused the DVR.

Jean had been laying in his lap. Armin was working late tonight and Jean had worked during the day. That meant there was about a four hour window they could spend together. “How are you so smart? I mean you kind of have all this useless knowledge - “

“Thanks.” Armin teased.

“You know that’s not what I meant. I just mean you know a lot of things.”

Armin shrugged and started running his long fingers gently through Jean’s hair. “Probably my grandfather. He was,” Armin paused, “- is a history enthusiast, but a doctor by trade. He had an entire room in his house dedicated to textbooks. Not to mention he pretty much raised me. So I guess I ended up like him. There wasn’t much else for a kid to do in an old man’s house.”

“Where were your parents?”

There was a small smile that crept across his face. “Nature photographers. People paid them to travel the world and photograph things most people couldn't even imagine. They were always gone and left me with Grandpa. I wouldn’t say it bothered me; it’s just how life was. Once I was in high school they settled down for the most part. Only problem is they settled down in Africa.”

“They missed out on you," Jean caught Armin's eyes.

Armin smiled down at him. “Not really. Not now.”

Since then Jean had made it a game to try and find things Armin didn’t know.

Now, as they were laying in bed together, Armin sleeping and Jean just up from a night's rest, he sprung another question. “‘Min.” Armin stirred only to push Jean off of him. “What percentage of med students consider dropping out?”

Armin laughed, still half asleep. “Eleven.”

“Oh c’ mon that one took me forever to think of to research.”

“C’ mon nothing. You’d think serious people would have already researched that.”

Jean propped himself up. “Wait. What does that mean?”

“What does what mean?”

“What you just said.”

Armin finally opened his eyes. His eyelids always looked purple in the morning. “Shh.” He put a finger to Jean’s lips. “Let’s be lazy today. Neither of us have work. I have to run an errand later but that’s it.”

Jean inched up to Armin’s face. “Want me to go grab breakfast?”

They kissed quick and it made Armin smile. “Yeah.”

He went to a coffee and waffle house a block over and grabbed two of his usual. When he got back the closet light was on and he could hear Armin shuffling around. “Jean is that you?”

“Yeah. I got you what I usually get. Hope that’s okay.” He pulled out plates.

“That’s fine. Hey remember when you told me your gaming system was still in your closet?”

“Yeah.”

“Which box is it?”

“Um,” He started plating the food. “The one over the sweaters.” Jean licked stray chocolate sauce off his finger. “What do you want it for?”

Armin didn’t say anything. “I thought we could play together.” Jean heard shuffling. “This is a lot lighter than I thought -” Then he heard a box hit the carpeted floor and papers scattering.

Jean abandoned the plates and went to the closet. Armin was sitting in a circle of papers. “You okay?”

He continued to leaf through the few papers he’d picked up. “Yeah. Jean. These are really good.”

He took some from him. Armin had found his box of college sketches. Since he hadn’t taken any art classes in college Jean hadn’t ever thought to buy a sketchbook. Instead he just drew on looseleaf and tossed everything he liked in a box he’d kept under his bed.

“These aren’t even that good.”

“I think they are.” Armin put down the papers he was holding. “Can I look through all of them.

Jean blushed. “Yeah. I guess. I don’t really know what’s in there anymore.”

Armin spent the next two hours looking through the papers. He didn’t even come out to eat his food, not that he ate a lot to begin with. Jean, on the other hand, cleaned. He wanted to share with Armin but he really didn’t remember what was in there and that was a bit embarrassing.

When Jean went to check on Armin he found that Armin had divided everything into piles and was now putting them back into the box. “You know the biggest stack I had was of naked bodies.”

Jean swallowed. “Sorry.”

Armin stood. “Don’t be.” He kissed Jean on the corner of his mouth. “They were beautiful.”

Jean turned his head and they kissed in short simple peck that soon started to linger. He was smiling against Armin’s lips just as he stomach felt like it was sinking in an endless void. He’d just moved to put his fingers in Armin’s hair when they heard buzzing.

It wasn’t Jean’s phone but Armin’s. He looked at the screen and flipped it close. “Gotta go run that errand I was telling you about.” He kissed Jean again then went to grab his jacket.

“Can I come with you.”

Armin’s back tensed but when he turned around there was a disarming smile in place. “It’s a secret errand.”

Jean’s disappointment must have showed because Armin came over to him then, took his hands and placed them on his cheeks. We can watch _Alien_ when I get back.”

Jean ran this thumbs across Armin’s cheeks. “Okay.”

They kissed goodbye and Armin left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment, Kudos, and [tumblr](http://cunttwatula.tumblr.com/tagged/wgiw) shares make me feel warm and fuzzy.
> 
> IMPORTANT!!!  
> I will be out of town next week at the Pot of Gold festival so the update will not be until late Thursday at the absolute EARLIEST. It could also be anytime Friday. Perhaps my [other works](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mindlessadri/works?fandom_id=721553) can tide you over. All of those are complete if that sweetens the deal.


	15. Merry Harry Quite Contrary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday! Payday for many working adults. Though I've always liked Thursday better based on the thought that on Thursday you get to be excited about your money and then on Friday you get to pay bills. 
> 
> Either way; here's the update, cupcakes!
> 
> Banner by [watergirl1968](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Watergirl1968/pseuds/Watergirl1968).

****

Christmas was fifteen days away and he hadn’t heard from Armin for three. He’d woken up to a note on the counter.

_friend in town. i borrowed some money. don’t be mad._

_-Armin_

Jean wasn’t sure what that meant. Friend in town? I borrowed some money? Don’t be mad? He wasn’t even concerned with the money. He lost bills more than he liked to admit lately and he blamed it on having a loose money clip. What he was concerned with, however, was that Armin seemed to have a complete other life Jean was forcefully kept from.

Armin didn’t even let him know who his friend was, how long he’d be gone, where he was going, ect.

Long story short he was a little salty.

“Hey man,” Jean looked over at Connie. “You okay? You and Armin have a fight or something?”

He rubbed his face. “Nah. Just tired. I guess.”

He held Connie’s gaze. He didn’t usually lie to Connie, thinking about it he was almost certain he never had. Yet, here is was protecting Armin from Connie’s already sharp gaze. Jean expected Connie to call him on his bullshit but he just nodded to himself. “Alright then.”

The tram pulled into the station on the southside and they disembarked. “Are you going to tell me why we took a thirty minute train ride now?”

“Two words,” Connie said. “Christmas shopping.” He threw his hands out in front of himself a made a large arc.

Despite his mood Jean laughed. “What you plan on getting Sash?”

“Something expensive. I’ve been saving for a few months.”

“Dude, we aren’t engagement ring shopping are we?”

“No! We’re still too young. I mean. We’re happy now, ya know? Just being us.”

“Yeah. I get it.”

Connie tugged his beanie down. “Maybe a necklace though?”

“Not a bad idea.”

“What about you?”

“What do you mean?”

Connie tried not to be too obvious about pushing his eyebrows together. “I mean aren’t you getting Armin a gift?”

“Oh.” Jean had thought about it but the past three days had left him bitter. His attitude wasn’t Connie’s fault and, truthfully, he was starting to feel like a dick.

Connie pulled them into a bakery and pushed Jean into a chair while he ordered. He was about to get talked to. Jean could feel it and it fueled his upset. He tore his hat off his head and threw it into his lap. His knee bounced with enough intensity to shake the table.

“Dude.” Connie’s voice was firm. He looked pointedly at Jean’s knee and Jean smoothed his palm against it to make himself stop. “Are you going to tell me what’s up or are you going to keep acting like a bitch?”

Jean looked out the window. “I'm going to be a bitch.”

Connie pushed a coffee and chocochip muffin to him. “Nah man. I don’t like that. Look, I don’t know what Armin did to make you upset - “

“Leave Armin alone.” He snapped; his voice was hot and harsh. Connie recoiled eyes wide and hurt. Jean wanted to apologize but this anger inside him kept his mouth screwed shut in a tight line.

Connie pushed his chair back as his eyes narrowed; his chair scraped across the wood flooring. “You know what? Fuck you man. _You_ asked _me_ if you could come along today. And for what? So you can make my mood as piss poor as yours? Friends don’t exist to sit at your pity party. I’m out.”

Jean wanted to get up and follow his best friend but he couldn’t. Shame welled in him faster than he knew how to deal with it and it just mixed with his hurt and anger. He took a napkin out of the holder and fished around in his backpack for a pen.

He smoothed the napkin on the table and started writing lists.

_Things I’m mad at: Armin, Armin leaving me, Armin leaving and not contacting me for three days even though he spent six days at my apartment with me._

_Things I’m not mad at: Connie_

_Why?: Because he’s just concerned and trying to let me know he cares_

_Why did I yell at Connie?: Because I don’t want him to think badly of Armin_

__

Jean felt better. Identifying his anger or upset usually helped him not be a bitch as Connie had put it. He sighed and got up to follow after Connie to apologize.

He couldn’t say he was surprised when he went outside and Connie was sitting at the bus stop outside sipping coffee. Jean sat down and handed Connie the napkin.

Out of the corner of his eye he watched him read over it carefully. “So you’re mad because you guys we’re all sick in love for almost a week and then he just left.”

“Basically.”

Connie shrugged. “Understandable.”

They didn’t say anything for a minute. “Look I’m sorry,” Jean finally spoke.

“You love him. I’m not going to be able to talk sense into you.”

Jean felt his cheeks heat up. “Dude. It’s only been a month.”

“So maybe you don’t _love_ him but you’re in some weird limbo phase and I can’t do shit about that either.” Connie reached over and clapped Jean on the shoulder. “Look man, I love you. I’m going to stick by you even if you want to be a grade A prick for a bit. But for the love of fuck don’t hold this shit inside you. It’s not good for you or your relationship.”

Jean laughed. “You’re right. Besides he always comes back, like a stray cat.”

“That’s funny-”

“Are you about to make a joke about pussy?”

“Damn straight I am.”

They laughed. “Julia’s coming to town.”

Connie’s eyebrows went up. “Really?”

“Yeah. End of the month.” Cars passed in the street and the bus stop was starting to fill up. They both got up and continued on their way. “I want her to meet you guys. And ‘Min.”

“Think they’ll get along?”

Jean hadn’t seriously thought about it. “Yeah. I hope so. Jewels is kinda hard to get a read on.”

“Well either way I’m excited.”

They walked around the city and Connie bought Sasha a necklace on a silver chair with a black jade jewel set in a circle of diamonds. It was thoughtful and subtly elegant.

Jean thought about Armin which, really, wasn’t a surprise. The day out had helped him calm down. He rationalized that Armin had always been this way and  getting worked up over it now was probably not in his best interest. Armin _would_ be back and he would talk to him about the situation then.

They were passing by a store when Jean saw it. “Hey hold up.” Jean went into the store and Connie followed. He went straight to the cashier that looked like they would make a better metal music ticket vender than botique shop employee. “Got anymore of those coats?”

The employee pointed to a rack off to the side and went back to his magazine.

The jacket was a hand dyed blue-teal color and made of leather squares stitched together with thick black twine. The inside was lined with sheep fur and the hood was rimmed in something soft. Jean looked at the price and winced. He took a look at the various sizes. He’d picked up the last small - it seemed like a sign.

He took it to the register where Connie had struck up a conversation with the cashier. As he got closer he realized it was about Sasha and rolled his eyes. “That for Armin?” Connie asked as the cashier rung him up.

“Yep.”

They left the store and endured the now fifty minute ride home in rush hour traffic. When they got off they exchanged bags so nosey partners wouldn’t be tempted to look and went their separate ways. Jean passed the corner store on the way home and wondered if Armin had even called in.

He entered the lobby, “Jean,” Armin was sitting on the stairs that went to the second floor bent over and holding a cigarette between shaking fingers. His lips were almost blue like maybe he’d been outside until recently. He didn’t have a jacket and was wearing a thin fleece blanket for warmth. His voice made him sound broken and scared.

“Jesus.” Jean shoved Sasha’s gift in his inner pocket and went to him. “You look like hell.”

“Sorry.” Armin sniffled and Jean helped him to the apartment. He sat Armin on the couch and started up his keurig. Jean went back to the living room and crouched between Armin’s knees to look up at his face. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Armin wiped his eyes. “I just made some bad decisions.”

Jean pulled him into an embrace and kissed his limp hair. “You could have called me.” A pause. “I was worried about you.”

“I’m not a kid,” Armin tried a laugh.

He frowned. Armin was still shaking. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”

Armin’ gaze fell. “I - I’m -” Armin paused and looked around on the ground as if debating whether or not to continue what he intended to say. He took a breath before looking up at Jean. “Harry came back to town. Um, we went to a party and I didn’t know anybody. He took me on a bender.” Armin’s eyes were wide and pleading for Jean to believe him. “I didn’t mean to. I didn’t mean for any of this Jean. I’m so sorry.”

He started sobbing and Jean thought of the time he’d brought him in from the cold. He’d been with Harry then too. Jean decided then that he hated this guy, Harry. Before he had only been wary but now he could see just how much Harry hurt Armin, how much he abused him.

Jean forgot his anger. Armin was too broken and mistreated for his anger. All he could do was pull him closer and promise he’d make it better. Jean couldn’t be sure if Armin believed him but after a minute of reassurance Armin’s fingers were gripping at the back of Jeans jacket and pulling him in so Jean could feel hot tears on his neck.

“I’m sorry Jean. I’m so sorry.” Armin gasped trying to draw breath. “I should have never let you buy me that coffee.”

For the first time Jean believed what Armin said.

* * *

****

“Julia’s coming,” Jean said. He’d taken personal time to stay home and make sure Armin was okay. The blond had slept the better part of the last twenty-three hours since he’d come back. Jean had woken him up to eat toast but then Armin had went right back to sleep. Only Armin’s soft snores had let Jean know he was alive while he slept. Now, though, Armin was finally coming to.

Armin stretched and breathed out through his nose. “Who’s Julia?”

“My sister.” Jean pulled Armin close so they were spooning and breathed him in. He smelled like his body soap. “She’s coming at the end of the month. I want you to meet her.”

Jean could feel Armin’s anxiety. “Is that a good idea?”

He kissed Armin’s spine. “Best idea I’ve had recently.”

“When will she be here?”

“The thirtieth to the first.”

Armin snuggled deeper into Jean. “No promises.”

Jean took it as one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp Harry is back. Off screen at least. Never the bride always the bridesmaid, eh, Harry?  
> Julia is coming back soon, too. I like Julia. She's a little different from OCs I've made before. 
> 
> Comment, Kudos, and [tumblr](http://cunttwatula.tumblr.com/tagged/wgiw) shares make me feel warm and fuzzy.
> 
> Feel free to check out my [other works](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mindlessadri/works?fandom_id=721553) until Wednesday.


	16. Powder White Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's late and let me tell you it was not my intention to post this late.   
> Anyway, upward and onward!  
> Longish chapter today. Featuring Connie, Sasha, and a surprise mystery guest. Spooky.
> 
> Banner by the ever lovely [watergirl1968](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Watergirl1968/pseuds/Watergirl1968), who is back with her fic Cherry Kirsch. If you aren't reading it you should be.

* * *

 

“Yo, I’m on my way.” That was a lie. He wasn’t even wearing pants and Armin was still showering. The wrapping paper busted open and Jean cursed under his breath, he should have let Sasha wrap it.

“Jean!” He stopped and sat up straight. He hadn’t heard this voice in years.

“Marco?”

He heard him laugh from the other end. "Yeah! Merry Christmas!”

Jean’s tongue felt thick. “Uh, yeah. Merry Christmas.”

“How have you been?”

“Good.”

“Still live in that apartment on the northside?”

“Yeah.” There was a lapse and Jean realized it was his turn. “How about you? How have you been?”

“Great! I was in town about month and a half ago. I tried to get a hold of you but couldn’t get through.”

Jean pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at the screen. It said ‘Private’. “Yeah. Sorry about that man. I don’t answer private numbers.”

Marco laughed again, free and easy. “No problem. I wouldn’t either.” Jean heard the shower turn off and panicked shoving the coat under the bed. “I actually had a reason for calling.”

“Oh. Really?” Armin came out of the steamy bathroom in Jean’s alum sweater and a pair of briefs. He looked relaxed as he brushed through his dripping hair. He looked to Jean and mouthed ‘Who’s that’.

Jean waved him off in a way that suggested 'give me a minute' just as Marco started speaking again. “Yeah. I’m getting married!”

Jean rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, I got the announcement.”

“Oh. Great! I was just wondering if you were going to RSVP. Mina hasn’t gotten a reply from you yet.” Marco sounded unsure so he continued. Typical Marco. “I mean I know we’ve been out of touch these last couple years since college but I want you there, man. You were the first person to know about me and Mina and I really want you to share this with us.”

Armin came out of the closet with pants on. He mouthed to Jean, ‘I’m going to grab a pack.’ Jean nodded. “Sorry about that. I kind of got that invite in the middle of some shit. I must have forgot.”

He could hear the relief in Marco’s voice. “Awesome! I told Mina you hadn’t ignored it. You’re coming, right?”

“Uh,” Jean thought as he pulled the coat back out and tried again with the wrapping paper. He decided to go with a candy wrapper approach this time. “Yeah.”

He heard Mina’s voice in the background. “Mina wants to know if you’ll be bringing a plus one. It’s for the caterer.”

He thought again but this time of Armin in a suit looking hot and delicious. “Yes.”

“Oh,” Marco mused. “Got a girlfriend?”

Jean smiled to himself. The candy wrapper method had worked, though he now had no more wrapping paper. “Something like that.”

Marco chuckled. “Good for you. Listen. I gotta go. The in laws just arrived for Christmas dinner.”

“No problem. I’m heading out soon anyway.”

“I’ll see you soon man.”

“Yeah. See you soon.”

Jean ended the call and looked at the screen. For a long time he’d thought talking with Marco would be much more emotional than this. Now he just felt at peace. Armin had given him the final push but most of the healing had been for himself by himself.

He got up and finished getting dressed just as Armin came back. “Ready to go?” Armin asked him.

“Yeah.” Jean tugged on a white jacket and double checked that he had everything. The coat, Connie’s gift, Sasha’s gift, Connie’s gift to Sasha. “Let’s go.”

Armin helped him carry the gifts to Connie and Sasha’s apartment. They climbed the stairs and Jean was proud to say Armin only stopped once. Connie was pacing in the hall as they came up.

“You guys are late. Sasha’s freaking out about her ham getting cold. How the hell am I supposed to get laid tonight if she wastes all her energy on stupid shit like that?”

Sasha came out of the apartment. “Excuse me?”

Connie flushed. “I mean, um, you guys suck. My forgiving and beautiful girlfriend slaved over a stove for five hours to cook and you guys are late? For shame!”

“Better.” Sasha kissed his temple. She whispered something to him and Connie smiled. Jean was pretty sure Connie was getting laid either way. “Alright let’s eat.”

They all moved into the apartment and Connie told Jean to put the gifts under the tree.

“Hey man,” they hugged. “Everything cool between you and Armin?”

Jean waved Connie off. “Yeah. We got it straightened out. In fact I think he’s pretty stoked to meet Julia” He held back. There was no way he was going to tell Connie about what happened when he got home after shopping. The last thing he needed was Connie to have more reason to be wary of Armin.

Connie smiled but something about it seemed forced. “Good for you man.”

Sasha had made ham, mashed potatoes, gravy, asparagus, and cranberry pie. The spread made Jean’s mouth water as he pulled out a seat for himself. Armin sat next to him like he had the first time they ate there. Him and Sasha seemed to get along well enough despite the fact that Jean couldn’t shake Connie’s underlying apprehension.

Dinner was punctuated by rambunctious conversation. Buzzed laughter was had all throughout as they celebrated life. Jean thought it ironic, yet fitting, that a season in which life withered and died all around was used as a time to remember everything a person had to be thankful for.

He took Armin’s hand under the table and turned it over to draw circles in his palm. Maybe it was the alcohol but Armin glowed like soft lights on a Christmas tree. Armin looked over and smiled before leaning over and putting his head on Jean’s shoulder. This was worth keeping secrets from his friend. Jean was convinced there was no actual reason for Connie to be concerned like he was. Yet, Jean couldn’t help but wonder why he needed to keep secrets if there was nothing to hide. The thought was unsettling but then -

“Alright!” Connie clapped and stood. “Let’s do fucking gifts. What’s the point in all these good feelings if you don’t have material objects to drive them home.”

They all laughed and went to the living room. Earlier in the week the tree had been surrounded in boxes for various other people. Now there was only a few for the people in the living room.

Connie passed them out until everybody had all theirs in front of them. They tore in. Jean smiled. Sasha had gotten him a thick hoodie with a _Back to the Future_ quote on it Connie had gotten him a bottle of his favorite alcohol. They’d even went so far as to get Armin an eighties movie box set.

“Oh Jean.” Armin gasped when he saw the coat. “Is this _real_ leather? This must have cost you a fortune.”

Jean smiled. Armin’s cheeks were toasted pink - it was the exact reaction he’d hoped for. “Try it on.”

Encouraged Armin stood and pulled it on. The jacket fit perfectly and he leaned down to kiss Jean, slipping his tongue in just enough to make promises. “I love it,” he said when he pulled away. Armin took the coat of and sat back down.

Jean brought Armin in a kissed the top of his head. “What nothing from you?”

“I forgot it under the mattress at your apartment.” They shared an amused smile.

“Speaking of missing presents,” Sasha said whipping her head to Connie. “Where’s mine?”

Connie smiled, “Jean.” He held out his hand expectantly.

Jean’s smile dropped. “I, uh. I put it under the tree.”

His friend’s face fell a fraction of a centimeter. Connie dove back under the tree and searched. He threw tinsel out from under along with a few stray gift card boxes for coworkers. When he finally came out he looked less assured. “Dude. It’s not under there.”

Jean stood. “I swear I put it under there.” He looked, but Connie was right. The box with Sasha’s necklace was absent.

“Are you sure it’s not in your jacket?”

Just to be sure Jean checked. He turned out every pocket each slightly more frantic than the last. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

“Just calm down.” Sasha attempted to soothe the panic. “Maybe you left it at home.”

“No. I put it in my jacket pocket before I left.”

“Dude. You fucking dropped it?” Connie sounded disbelieving.

“I-I don’t know. Maybe?”

Connie groaned. ”Dude.”

“Fuck. Connie I’m so sorry. You know I never meant for this to happen, right?”

He shook his head. “Yeah. Yeah I know. Let’s just go look, okay?”

They looked for an hour in silence. The walk from Jean’s apartment to Connie’s was only fifteen minutes but they spent time looking in every crevice they came upon. In the end they didn’t find the box.

Jean couldn’t apologize anymore by the time they’d come back to the apartment. His voice was almost hoarse with how much he had said it already. Connie had stopped responding, instead his hood was pulled up and his shoulders were slumped.

Sasha and Armin were talking on the couch when they came back. She stood and immediately went to Connie. He couldn’t look at her and it broke something inside Jean.

“Connie look at me.”

He did reluctantly and as soon as their eyes met he fell apart. “I’m sorry baby. I’m so sorry. I wanted it to be perfect. Our first Christmas together, you know?”

Sasha smiled and kissed away the tears on Connie’s eyelashes. “You’re all I need. It was perfect. I promise. A missing present isn’t going to change how great it was to spend Christmas together in our own apartment.”

Connie laughed. “It was really good. The present I mean.”

Armin came over to Jean then and took his hand as he pushed himself up to kiss him on the cheek.

“Connie. I’m really sorry. Tell me we’re cool.” Jean stepped forward, pleading.

His friend cleared his nose. “We’re cool. I’ll figure out a way for you to pay me back.” They fist bumped and Jean felt reassured despite the sinking feeling in his stomach.

They said their goodbyes and left. Armin’s hand gripped his tight like he was trying to tether himself to Jean.

“Sorry.” Armin said quietly. His eyes were fixed on the sidewalk.

Jean nudged him. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine. Empathetic sorry isn’t helping anyone.” He smiled and Armin relaxed next to him. He raised an eyebrow. “Do you really have a present back at the apartment for me or am I just getting a blowjob I don’t have to reciprocate?”

Armin pushed him away playfully. “I got you an actual present you perv.”

“I’m the perv?”

“Let’s not start wars here, Jean.”

They got back the the apartment and Armin went right to the bed and knelt to lift the mattress. He pulled out two slim boxes and went over to Jean who was removing his coat and presented them as if to say _‘see?’_

Jean threw his scarf on the rack and smiled as he took the gifts. He tore open the paper and his eyes went wide. It wasn’t that the gift was expensive it was that it was _thoughtful_. He ran his fingers over the leather binding on the sketchbook and looked to Armin.

“I thought talent like your shouldn’t be wasted.” Jean just continued to stare as his heart drummed in his chest. Armin’s cheeks started to color. “The other box is charcoal. That’s what a lot of the sketches in the box looked like.”

Jean set the presents down on the TV and took Armin’s face in both hands. He kissed him hard and deep as he backed Armin back into the bed. Armin’s knees buckled against the mattress and he sat. Jean followed his mouth before pulling away with a smack and dropping to his knees.

His hands undid Armin’s belt with practiced ease. Jean looked up for approval and was met by Armin’s narrowed eyes. He looked dangerous and Jean loved it.

“I knew you were the perv,” Armin laughed, voice husky and satisfied.

Jean pulled down Armin’s pants and briefs. “I think we’re both perverts.” He took Armin’s soft cock in his mouth and sloppily encircled the head with his tongue. Armin grew quick, long, and thick. His hot cock filled Jean’s mouth and he could taste precum in the back of his throat. Armin adjusted his position the slightest bit and Jean choked.

He pulled off quickly and coughed. His eyes had tears that blurred his vision but even so he could tell that Armin was smiling, satisfied. “That wasn’t cool.”

Armin shrugged. “Blowjob the only thing on the menu?”

“Only thing I’d planned for. How about you?”

He pushed Jean’s hair out of his face. “Thought I’d make a mess of you.”

Jean swallowed the lump in his throat. “Okay.”

Armin was quick to change their positions. He pushed Jean back onto the bed and reached across him to the nightstand. They’d invested in a bottle of lube and they were going to have to invest in one again after tonight.

Jean went to take off his shirt when Armin spoke. “No, leave it.”

Armin tugged Jean’s pants to mid thigh and pushed his legs back. “Tell me again why you’re so flexible.”

“Track.” His voice hitched as he felt Armin’s finger penetrate him. He willed himself to relax and Armin’s finger rotated slowly inside him. He was quick to adjust and Armin slipped a second inside. He was panting now, it never took much ass play to get a rise out of him. Armin smiled at him with intent and hooked his fingers inside him. Jean arched his back and pushed back against Armin’s fingers. They’d done this enough that there was no question of what would make either of them unravel.

He put the condom on quickly and pulled his fingers out. “Ready?” Jean nodded then Armin was pushing in him steadily. “Jeez you look hot.” Armin grunted when he was fully seated inside him. “Face flushed. Chest rising quickly. Leaking precum on to your stomach. Boots in the air”

Jean tried not to give in to Armin. It was the blond’s face that did him in. His eyes were glassy and hard as if daring Jean to try and take control. Jean loved it - the minute power play in Armin’s actions. He always said he’d hold out and make Armin work for his begging. He generally failed. “Touch me. Please,” Jean whimpered.

Content, Armin leaned over Jean pushing his legs back until his knees were close to his head and put his palm against Jean’s mouth. Jean didn’t have to be told to lick. He slathered Armin’s palm in saliva and once satisfied Armin finally took Jean's cock in hand.

Jean hissed as he got some semblance of relief. He was so enraptured that he was caught off guard when Armin pulled out quick and slammed back in.  “Fuck,” Jean choked.

“Here.” Armin stuffed the hem of Jean’s sweater in his mouth. “You’ll get your sweater dirty.” He adjusted their angle so Jean was holding his legs back by his knees.

Jean felt rather helpless. His hands were occupied. His mouth was occupied. All he could do was moan around the fabric between his teeth and let the tears in his eyes drop freely down the sides of his face. He wasn’t in pain, that was just his reaction to this kind of pleasure.

Armin’s strokes became more firm as his hips started to lose the fast paced rhythm they’d set and devolved into something more instinctual and for his benefit as opposed to Jean’s. It was always like this when Armin topped him. He could send Jean to the edge with hardly any work. His cock was made for Jean. It was the right length and girth to provide him all the stimulation he needed. Not to mention that when Armin was the more dominant one, top or not, Jean’s pleasure was turned up yet another notch. He thrived on knowing he could trust him that way. Sex with Armin was fast and hard and after so many years of selected celibacy Jean couldn't get enough of it.

Armin’s cock was continuously pressing against his prostate but in his current position Jean could do little to move back against Armin’s hips. “I’m close,” Armin said and he pushed his own hair back only so it could fall in his face again. “Let go.”

Jean released his legs and let them drop. He threw both arms across his face as Armin pulled him closer to the edge of the bed. He was whimpering now. He lost the fabric in his mouth and was deftly aware of the thick saliva that made a mess of his chin.

He arched this time when Armin hit his prostate and cried out his lover’s name with a high pitched voice.

Jean wasn’t sure he heard Armin right when he spoke, “Can I cum on you?”

He nodded and Armin pulled out leaving him empty and aching. The blond stepped back letting Jean’s legs fall and ripped off the condom. He came back between Jean’s knees, “Lift your sweater.”

Jean did as instructed and pulled it up with one hand and the other played with his engorged balls.

Armin groaned as he jerked himself to completion. His cum splattered across Jean’s chest and  when he was done he leaned over Jean’s nearly satisfied body to kiss him. He dropped between Jean’s knees and took him in his mouth in one go.

Jean was so close he felt he’d cry if he had to endure it any longer. He drove the heels of his hands into his eyes and begged. “Please. Please. I’m so close ‘Min.”

He felt Armin’s throat relax and then the tip if his dick was swallowed. Armin’s hands kept his hips firmly in place. He might of even taken more of Jean but then he was cumming hard and without warning down Armin’s throat. He could feel Armin’s surprise in the way he lips twitched around his shaft. Armin pulled off him and coughed.

For a second Jean could only care about his own blissed out state but then he came back and sat up. “Shit. Armin. I didn’t mean to.”

Armin started laughing despite the fact he was coughing hard and his face was red. “No. No. It’s fine. I just didn’t realize you we’re _that_ close.”

Jean collapsed back onto the mattress and laughed too. “Get me a rag, huh?”

His lover did as requested and came back with a damp cloth and no pants. He dropped it onto Jean’s stomach and curled up beside him. “I wasn’t mean?”

Jean pushed his lips together in thought and shook his head. “Nope. You were great.” Armin kissed his neck. “Though I do wonder what’s up with you and clothes?”

“Clothing makes it seem more scandalous somehow.”

He shrugged. “I guess.” He stripped off his shirt and kicked off his shoes.

They laid together in the lit apartment adjusting to the post bliss tingles. Armin was using his chest as a pillow and his legs were curled up between them. “Don’t be mad with me.”

Jean chuckled. “I told you. You weren’t mean.”

“I know.” A pause. “We should sleep.”

“Yeah.”

Neither of them moved and Jean wondered if there was a net at the bottom of the cliff he’d fallen off of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now the question must be asked, how many of the authors kinks can be shown in one sex scene?  
> But, yes, the plot thickens. Or has it? Which information in this chapter is actually relevant to the story? Was any of it relevant? Was this all just an elaborate excuse for me to write a scene where Armin cums on Jean?
> 
> Theories are welcome, Kudos are tops, and [tumblr](http://cunttwatula.tumblr.com/tagged/wgiw) reblogs are da shit.


	17. Tin Toys and Aluminium Foil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Wednesday another chapter!  
> Feeling sort of bogged down the last couple days. That's my excuse.  
> But, it's okay! I'm going to play sims and start looking at the jearmin art for the reverse bang!
> 
> Banner by the ever lovely [watergirl1968](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Watergirl1968/pseuds/Watergirl1968), who is back with her fic Cherry Kirsch. If you aren't reading it you should be.

 

* * *

Jean was waiting at the luggage carousels when his phone rang. He picked it up. “Yo.”

“I’m fucking lost.”

“Jewels. How can you be lost? You just follow, literally, everybody else to bag pick-up.”

He heard her sigh. “I stopped to get a cinnabun. Okay? They were all gone when I was done.”

Jean rubbed his eyes. “Jesus Christ Julia.”

“Not my fault.”

“You see a red line on the floor?”

“Yeah.”

“Follow it. I’ll see you in a minute.”

They hung up and not three minutes later he saw her coming down the escalator. She greeted him with a hug and he took her duffle bag from her and slung it over his shoulder. “How was your flight?”

She shrugged. “Okay. I slept most of the time.”

“Sounds like you.”

They got on the tram and fell into comfortable conversation. They were half way home when Julia looked out the window behind her. “What’s that?”

Jean looked too, “Oh, that’s the college.”

“That’s where you went to school.”

He nodded. “Mmmhmm. Speaking of school are you getting your applications in?”

“Yeah. It seems pointless though.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, I don’t even know what I want to do with my life. What’s the point of investing all this money when I still have zero clues.” She looked at him. “You knew what you wanted.”

Jean snorted. “I knew jack shit about what I wanted. I had a vague idea. Which, I guess, is a little better than most but you have something people would kill for. You know who you are.” He licked his lips. “I think your less confused about your self identity than most adults.”

Julia smiled and shook her head. “You’re so lame.” She sighed and looked out the window again. “Campus looks pretty though.”

“It’s gorgeous.”

“When do I get to meet Armin?”

His smile was evident in his voice. “Tomorrow. Today it’s just us for the most part.”

“Oh! Before I forget.” Julia unzipped her bag and pulled out an unwrapped shoe box. “Merry Christmas.”

Jean accepted the gift and popped it open. Inside were a classic pair of chucks. “Thanks.” He smiled and pulled her in for a hug.

The sun was already setting when they got off the train. He tapped his fingers against the top of the box as Julia talked about school and complained about the cold. It crossed his mind to repurpose the box.

* * *

They’d had dinner with Connie and Sasha the previous night and afterwards they’d walked to the dollar theatre and watched _A Christmas Story_ twice. They were the only people for the second showing and Julia convinced him, against his better judgement, to light up in the dingy theatre. They’d been caught by security and he let them off after taking a hit. Jean would swear he could quote the movie better once high.

Now, though, it was eight in the evening on New Year’s Eve and Armin had yet to show.

Julia kept looking at him like a kicked dog and it was serving to make him feel similar. “You know maybe he got held up?” She suggested.

Jean felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. “No. I don’t think so.”

She didn’t say anything for a long moment and Jean was thankful. He checked his phone again for a message that wasn’t there. He even reread his barrage of text messages to Armin.

__

_We still on for tomorrow?_

_Morning, baby.  I’m thinking dinner around 8 then we’ll come back to the roof party_

_You okay?_

_Seriously it’s like 6 now._

_Are you really doing this?_

“Still wanna go out?” Julia unfolded herself from the couch and went to Jean who had planted himself in the open doorway. He let her pull him inside and march him to the couch. She sat on the edge of the coffee table. “Look. Staring out the doorway isn’t going to make him come. We could go grab food or order pizza or just stay in and watch movies. I don’t care but it’s obvious you do.”

“I do care because,” Jean paused and was overtaken by anger. “- because he’s not like this! He’s smart and witty and so goddamn gorgeous Jewels. He’s not this,” Jean gestured to the empty room.

She pulled him in for a hug and he relaxed. “I believe you. There will be other opportunities for me to meet him. Hell, I’ll come back after school ends if you want. Just don’t let it ruin your night. I didn’t come to see Lauren all over again.”

Lauren had been his high school girlfriend. “She ditched me on prom night. That was a big deal.”

Julia shrugged. “Wouldn’t know. I’ve never been stood up.”

Jean pinched her thigh. “You ass.” They both laughed.

“See better already.”

Honestly, Jean felt like crying. He felt dumb and insecure and vain for thinking Armin would change for him but through it all he could only see everything in rose. They spent the night watching movies and ordered Chinese food. Jean checked his phone every ten minutes but Julia either didn’t notice or was polite enough not to say anything.

Jean was pretty sure he loved Armin and it made him feel helpless.

* * *

Julia left on New Years Day. She kissed him on the cheek and told him she would meet Armin next time but to send pictures when he could. The train ride back he thought. There was no where for him to go. He didn’t need Connie’s ‘I told you so’ now. Sasha would tell Connie and Jean couldn’t blame her. Armin, well, he was AWOL.

It was only midday but he went to the same bar him and Armin had went to in November. He sat at the mostly empty counter and waited. “Jean!” Keith smiled as he came over. “I haven’t seen you in a while. Same order?”

Jean waved him off, “Nah. Just a beer.”

“Tap or bottle?”

“Whichever.”

Keith popped the top on a bottle and set it down in front of him. “No point in dirtying a glass.” Jean took a sip as Keith leaned across the counter. “How you been? Got a boyfriend?”

He shrugged. “I’ve been. Kind of.”

Keith’s angular face fell. “Uh-oh. You sound two steps away from heartbreak. Want to talk about it.”

“Little bit.”

“What happened?”

Jean took another swig. “He disappeared. He does it a lot. He’ll leave my apartment and I won’t see him for days.”

“Well people do that. It hasn’t been that long since I saw you last maybe you’re a little possessive.”

Jean shook his head. “It’s not like that. I know people go do their own thing but I mean he _disappears_. He doesn’t text or call and when he does turn up he’s like a zombie. He doesn’t explain anything to me and I’m just _worried_. You know? I want him to be safe.”

“Is it serious?”

Jean swallowed the beer in his mouth. “I think I might love him.”

Keith was being called from the other end of the bar. “Well decide if he’s worth it and decide soon because I don’t want to see your heart smeared in the streets.”

He rolled his eyes and put money on the counter. “Thanks. You’re so positive.”

Keith shrugged and called over his shoulder. “If anything the blond twink’s still available. I just saw him yesterday. He was sitting on some guys lap but you’re younger and much better looking.”

Jean’s eyes shot wide open. “Wait what?” He got up and followed Keith around the bar. “Armin was here yesterday?”

Keith’s eyebrows came together. “If that’s the name of the blond you went home with last time - “ It all clicked into place for him then. “Oh shit. Jean I didn’t - “

He threw his hand up. “Forget it.” Jean walked out and straight back to his apartment.

The door slammed behind him and he went to the closet with a garbage bag. He threw Armin’s belongings into the bag. His stomach felt ill. Removing Armin from his life was the last thing he wanted and every nerve in his body told him to stop, to wait. But, he was driven by fear and sadness. He wasn’t going to be the dirty secret, the experiment, the side bitch. Once he looked around and was satisfied that all of Armin’s things had been stuffed in the bag he dropped it in the hall and bolted the door behind himself.

He was angry. Anger didn’t make Jean cry but what came after anger always did. He’d read once that anger wasn’t a real emotion but rather the culmination of multiple emotions. He laid in the middle of his bed in his silent, dark apartment and suddenly he was alone with his thoughts. He was overtaken by how empty it seemed. It was then he felt it. The sadness building up in his lungs. His lip quivered and breath hitched pathetically just as his eyes filled with tears. Jean curled in on himself, hands clutching at what fabric he could find. He sobbed for the first time in what felt like a long time. It was open and gasping and each breath felt suffocated. His chest felt hollow and his throat ached from his jagged lament.

Jean picked a word and he held on to it.

* * *

Jean cried himself to sleep. He wanted to stay that way until morning but there was banging on his door.

“Jean!” It was Armin. His voice sounded confused. “Jean please open up. It’s Armin.”

He stood and wiped snot from his face. He walked towards the front door. “Go away Armin.”

“Jean. You sound upset.”

He sniffled. He didn’t want to cry again. “Just take your shit and go.”

“I-I don’t know what you mean.”

Jean spoke louder. “The bag Armin. Take it and go.”

He heard plastic being shuffled then Armin banging frantically on his door. “Jean, no! We-we have to talk, okay? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here yesterday. Please don’t do this! Please don’t be mad at me!” Armin punctuated his sentences by hitting the doorframe.

Jean’s laugh was bitter and lacking any humor. “I could have forgiven you for not showing up. But not for having a relationship behind my back.”

“Jean!” Armin’s voice pitched. “I didn’t! I don’t! I swear!”

He wiped his eyes. He wouldn’t cry. “I went to the bar today. I saw Keith. He saw you, Armin. He saw you sitting on another guys lap.”

“No! No! He doesn’t have the whole story. Just let me in and I’ll explain everything I promise.” Jean said nothing. He bit his lip to stop it from quivering. Then he witnessed the most broken sound he’d ever heard; Armin sobbed. It was raw and the most real thing to ever fall out of his mouth. “Please Jean. You’re the only thing I care about anymore. You’re the only one. I swear. Please.”

He heard Armin slide down the door as if his knees collapsed. Armin was crying and making little hiccup sounds as he tried to compose himself. Jean’s resolve started to crumble. It felt like his chest was caving in to fill the hollow he put there. He wanted Armin. He’d opened himself up to him, for him, body and soul. Until this moment Jean hadn’t considered what it meant to keep the door shut. Everything would be over and that possibility hurt. It hurt so much more than what Armin might say.

Jean undid the deadbolt and he heard Armin scramble to his feet. The door seemed to open on it’s own and then Armin’s arms were around his back pulling him close. Jean felt the hot tears through his shirt as Armin continued to sob. “I’m so sorry Jean. Please believe me. Please don’t be mad at me.” His voice squeaked. “I promise you’re the only one I’ve been with since the first time. I’m not cheating.”

“Then what were you doing at the bar last night with somebody else?”

Armin pulled away and sniffled. He dug around in his pocket and pulled out a large wad of cash. He didn’t say anything to explain it just let Jean take the money from him.

Jean was too confused to even cry as he turned the money over in his hand. “What?”

“It’s part of how I was making money before we got together.”

“What?” Jean repeated.

Armin took a shaky breath. “Basically I just sit and look hot all night for them. Then they pay me.”

Jean looked between the money and Armin, “People pay this kind of money to have you with them?”

“Yeah. I didn’t want you to know. It’s not something I’m particularly proud about.”

Jean turned the money over in his hand and licked his lips. “This is what you do when you’re gone?”

Amin paused and looked at the ground, “For the most part.” His voice was small and waiting judgement.

“What about your job at the corner store?”

Armin laughed dryly. “I’m working like twenty hours week at eight twenty-five. I was running out of money.”

His eyes were swollen and Jean took his face in his hands and kissed away the tears. “Is this it? This is the secret, right ‘Min?” He could hear his own desperation in his voice. “Please.”

After a moment Armin nodded slowly at first then more assured. “That’s the secret.” There was a lull. “I wanted to meet her Jean. I swear. I’ll do anything to make it up to you.”

“I - I want to not worry about you Armin. I want to know your safe and not dead in an alley.”

Armin nodded frantically. “I can do that. I can do that Jean.” He laid his head on Jean’s shoulder and Jean pulled Armin close. Armin smelled like vinegar and cold. He combed his fingers through the knots in Armin’s hair.

“You’re freezing ‘Min.”

The blond just held him tighter.

It didn’t feel right. Nothing felt fixed. In fact the situation reminded Jean of a tin toy he’d had as a child. It worked. The drummer boy would march and the music would play but when he picked it up he could hear something rattling around inside. The toy eventually came apart from the inside out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I regret making this 'arc' so short. I like Julia but I guess I made the decision that if I were to have typed everything they did in detail it would have been too much time without Armin.
> 
> Fair warning. The next three chapters are short. Like less than 1000k words short. I have decided to keep to the posting schedule though instead of doubling up. As of right now anyway.
> 
> Theories are welcome, Kudos are tops, and [tumblr](http://cunttwatula.tumblr.com/tagged/wgiw) reblogs are da shit.


	18. Knee Sock Band-Aids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOL I got fucked up and forgot and then I had school today.  
> Apologies
> 
> Banner by the ever lovely [watergirl1968](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Watergirl1968/pseuds/Watergirl1968), who is back with her fic Cherry Kirsch. If you aren't reading it you should be.

****

Jean was woken up with Armin gently grinding down on him. He cracked his eyes opened and smiled, embarrassed. “What are you doing?”

Armin stopped kissing his neck. “Three months.”

“What?”

“Three months today.” Jean didn’t respond. “Three months today since we became a thing.”

Jean gasped when Armin took his morning wood in hand. “You want to celebrate? I mean just a few days ago-”

Armin’s hand was over his mouth lightening quick. “Are you still mad?” Jean shook his head no. “You know I still feel awful about hurting you?” He shook his head yes. “Are we in a state of forgiveness?” Jean shook his head yes. “Let’s not bring it up now then.”

Jean adjusted his mouth when Armin’s hand moved away. “Sorry, baby. You’re right. Still, you want to celebrate three months?”

“If we don’t celebrate the little victories in life Jean what’s the point?”

Jean’s hand found Armin’s thigh and he looked down. “Are you wearing knee socks?”

“Only for you.”

He felt his face split open in a wide smile and he rolled them over. Unfortunately Jean also forgot which side of the bed he was on and they fell off the bed.

“Jesus Jean.” Armin squirmed against the carpet.

“Sorry.” He kissed Armin’s neck and sat up spreading Armin’s thighs wide. “Where’s the lube?”

Armin shook his head. “I’m ready. I got myself ready in the bathroom before I woke you up.”

Jean thought about what Armin had just said and suddenly he wished he’d been awake. The thought of Armin bent over the bathroom sink finger fucking himself open sent a jolt straight to his quickly hardening cock. Emboldened, Jean positioned himself at Armin’s twitching entrance.

“Condom dickhead!” Armin threw a box of tissues from the nightstand at him.

Jean groaned and reached to the bedside table where Armin pointed. “You really planned this out.” He tore the package open and rolled the rubber on. He repositioned himself and instead of pushing in he pulled Armin’s frame into his lap and down his shaft.

Armin gasped and braced his hand on the floor to arch his back.

“Jesus christ. I’ve been asking for the socks for weeks now and you pull them out on a day I have work. You evil fuck.” Armin just smiled cheekily at him.

“Just shut up and fuck me.”

Jean slammed into him. His pelvic muscles tensed with the motion. “You’re kind of slutty with the socks on. Don’t have it in you to push me over and do it how you usually do it?”

Armin’s eyes narrowed as he moved his hips to meet Jean’s. “Spare me. This morning’s for you. This evening is for me. So eat up.”

He put Armin’s legs in the air and spread them to a ‘v’ shape. He used them at leverage to push his cock in deeper.

“Fuck Jean!” Armin gasped. “Fuck right there.” Armin was now pumping himself at a breakneck speed.

Jean felt the redness across his cheeks. Watching Armin wither under him always made him come undone without shame. He closed Armin’s legs and threw both of them over his shoulder. “Fuck that’s tight.” Jean grunted with effort as he finished inside Armin. “Fuck. I didn’t want to cum so quick.” Considering it was six thirty in the morning though he wasn’t too mad at himself.

Armin was still stroking his leaking cock like a fevered adolescent. Jean laid himself out on the floor between Armin’s legs and took his cock in his mouth. Armin hissed but let Jean have his way. Armin’s calves hooked over his shoulders and soon Jean felt a hand in his hair urging him down the length of Armin’s member.

“Just like that Jean. I’m not going to last long.”

Jean grabbed Armin’s thighs to keep him from bucking and slowly he went to the base. He inhaled sharply and then Armin was cumming hot and thick in his mouth. Armin’s hand kept him firmly in place as his mouth was filled.

He pulled off cum dribbling down his chin. Armin reached up and wiped it away. He pulled Jean to his chest and he went without argument. Jean thought he could fall asleep like that. Safe in Armin’s embrace in the lazy morning light.

Armin’s heartbeat was just beginning to settle when he spoke. “That was the first time since New Year’s.”

Jean knew what Armin meant and he buried his face into Armin’s sweater. “I missed you.”

After a moment Armin spoke. His voice sounded choked. “I missed you, too.”

For the first time since their fight they felt normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Evidently Armin can only express himself through sex? IDK.
> 
> Theories are welcome, Kudos are tops, and [tumblr](http://cunttwatula.tumblr.com/tagged/wgiw) reblogs are da shit.


	19. A Skat Cat Nap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT! An update! On time!?   
> Why yes it is. 
> 
> Thank you all! Last weeks chapter got 100+ views! That was very exciting for me!
> 
> Banner by the ever lovely [watergirl1968](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Watergirl1968/pseuds/Watergirl1968), who is working on the last arc of CK!

“Jean, what’s this?” Armin had checked the mail while he went outside for a smoke and he’d come back holding a silk gold envelope. “Sorry. It came in a yellow envelope but it was open.”

He took it from Armin as the blonde sat down next to him. Jean had a feeling he knew what it was before he opened it. The confirmation was printed on thick paper in the same beautiful script from the invitation. “It’s Marco’s wedding confirmation.”

“You’re going?”

Jean threw it to the coffee table. “I was kind of hoping you’d go with me.”

Armin’s eyes grew wide like his initial instinct was to say no. “Is it in town?”

“No. Marco lives in Arizona now.” He could see the apprehension in Armin’s eyes. “Are you afraid of flying?”

“Just don’t really like airports.”

He thought a moment. “We could fly out of a smaller airport. They usually have like one terminal.”

“How many days?”

“One. We’ll get there the morning of and leave the next day?”

Armin’s head bobbed as he considered what Jean had said. “I don’t own a suit.”

“I’ll buy you one.”

“You’ll buy me one? Not even rent just flat out buy?”

Jean smiled, amused. “Nothing fancy. Just like a mall suit but yeah. I’ll get you one.”

Armin’s head fell into his lap and Jean pushed the hair back from Armin’s face. “What did I do in my life to deserve you?” Armin teased.

“Beats me.” Jean swallowed. “So is that a yes?”

“When is it?”

“Guess.”

Armin’s eyebrows went up. “Valentine’s day?” Jean just laughed and Armin threw his hands to his eyes. “That’s so cheesy!”

“Mina and Marco are cheesy people ‘Min.”

Once he was done laughing Armin relaxed. “It’s still romantic. Weddings in general are pretty romantic.” Jean combed his fingers through Armin’s hair. “If I ever got married I’d do it in the summer. On the pier back home.”

“You want to get married?” Jean blushed. “I mean someday in the future to somebody.” He fumbled through his sentence.

Armin smiled at him tenderly. “Not really. It scares me to make promises that last a life time.”

Jean laid down on the couch and Armin adjusted to face him. “Time to nap.”

“You have a bed Jean.” Armin made to move and Jean grabbed him by his waist and held him so they were spooning.

Armin struggled. “Jean! You’re going to strain your neck!”

“Sleep Armin.”

After a moment Armin finally settled down next to Jean. “If my neck hurts when we get up you can forget about blowjobs and I’m going to want a massage.”

“Okay princess.”

Armin stilled and looked over his shoulder. “Call me that in bed next time.”

Jean was a quarter of the way to sleep but cracked one eye open anyway. “We are sleeping not fucking.” He poked Armin in the ribs and giggled.

“Can I at least go to the bathroom first?”

“Fine!” Jean released him. “But don’t cry about it when there’s no room for you when you come back.”

“Okay, big boy.”

He heard Armin grab his bag and head to the bathroom. Armin emerged ten minutes later, staggering and ready for sleep. He fell back into the spot Jean had kept for him and nuzzled Jean’s chest. “Ready for sleep?”

“Nnn,” was all Armin replied with.

Jean pulled him closer and they fell asleep like that. Happy and blissful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theories are welcome, Kudos are tops, and [tumblr](http://cunttwatula.tumblr.com/tagged/wgiw) reblogs are da shit.


	20. Trash And Junk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah! Another Wednesday!/Thursday!
> 
> This is the last short, short chapter. Next week the chapter will do more to move the plot forward! Forward towards the fated end that is sitting in my drive waiting to be released. 
> 
> Also I am diligently working on my Reverse Big Bang piece! If this ends up eating more time out of the other thing I'm working on updates might be suspended. I'm working on a schedule here people. If this ends without the completion of this other thing..... bad things. Bad things = no epilogue. 
> 
> Have I told you lately how much I love[watergirl1968](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Watergirl1968/pseuds/Watergirl1968)?

 

Armin was trying hard and that Jean could appreciate. They’d fought that morning for no reason. Overall the day had been shitty. Jean didn’t expect anything from Armin for the rest of the day and had determinedly ignored his phone all day. Needless to say he was surprised when he had a text on his phone when he got off work:

_feeling sick. won’t be over_

 

Jean sighed. I wasn’t like he’d expected an apology but Armin was so hard to read through text. Did he mean that to sound as harsh as it had in Jean’s head or was it supposed to sound conversational. He gave up trying to decipher it and texted back:

_be safe._

__

He debated whether or not he should tack a “love you” on the end. Ultimately he decided against it. Jean didn't believe Armin was sick. Often his lover came up with excuses like this to bail. Jean didn’t care if Armin was a lap boy or whatever so long as he wasn’t cheating. He also knew however that Armin didn’t like to share how he was getting money.

He got another message.

_sorry about this morning._

Jean felt the pit of his stomach twist. Armin sometimes woke up in terrible moods. They’d be cuddling the night before and then in the morning he’d wake up to Armin throwing clothes around in the closet much like today.

“Where the fuck is my sweater Jean?” Armin was screaming at five in the morning and the neighbors upstairs were banging on their floor. “Go to hell!” Armin screamed back at them.

Jean swung his legs off the bed. “Which one?”

“The white pullover.” His voice was cut as if Jean should have just known.

“You threw it in the wash basket yesterday. So I washed it. It’s on the coffee table with the rest of the clothes.”

Armin’s eyes went wide like he could hardly believe what he’d just heard. “No. No. No. That was two bills!” He threw the clothes off the coffee table until he found the white sweater that was really Jean’s. His hand went into the front pocket and came out with two plastic pieces of trash.

Jean thought Armin might cry. Armin squinted his eyes shut and pulled the sweater on quick. He put the plastic back and went to the door. “I’m leaving. Do me a favor leave my shit alone.”

He groaned. It was far too early and Jean was too tired for this. “That’s my sweater. Not to mention you put it in the wash basket.”

Armin flipped him off and left.

Jean couldn’t even say it upset him. It just made him feel numb. Armin wasn’t himself when he was like that. That, more than anything, scared him. He wasn’t sure what made Armin like that either. Maybe it was just how he was. If that as the case the good still vastly outweighed the negative he’d convinced himself. For every bad morning Armin had he had weeks of good ones.

But it did remind Jean of the time him and Armin had gone to get corn. Armin never seemed mad exactly on mornings he exploded. He seemed scared like an animal that knew it would be eaten.

Jean replied

_it’s ok. i know you weren’t yourself_

**  
** He didn’t receive a response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jean why are you doing this to yourself? Are you dumb or just plain stupid? My poor boy. 
> 
> Comment, Kudos, and [tumblr](http://cunttwatula.tumblr.com/tagged/wgiw) shares make me feel warm and fuzzy.
> 
> Feel free to check out my [other works](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mindlessadri/works?fandom_id=721553) until Wednesday.


	21. T-AR-T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well hello there. I see you've come back for more? Crazy.
> 
> Anywho, on with this desperate parade.
> 
> There's also an announcement at the bottom.
> 
> Banner by the ever lovely [watergirl1968](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Watergirl1968/pseuds/Watergirl1968)
> 
> **CURRENTLY ON HIATUS UNTIL JUNE 5TH**

* * *

 

Going to the mall was out of the way, so Jean and Armin made a day of it. Armin was extra cuddly that morning, like a baby kitten. He’d woken up just as Jean was getting out of the shower. There was a towel wrapped around his waist. Armin had uncurled from the bed and sleepily sauntered towards him to wrap himself around Jean.

“Bed’s cold,” was all Armin said.

“Sorry. Had to shower. Wanna head out soon?”

Armin sighed against Jean’s chest. “I guess we should. I have to shower first.”

“You know. We could shower together sometime.” Jean smiled against Armin’s hair. “Maybe more than shower. The shower has many purposes.”

The blond rocked them slowly back and forth. “Maybe one day.”

“Still not going to take your shirt off in front of me?”

Armin stilled. “It’s not a problem right?”

Jean shook his head. “No. No, everything’s perfect.”

“You’re quite the optimist.”

He laughed and slapped Armin’s ass playfully. “Go shower.”

An hour later they left. Armin’s showers were entire affairs, not just daily occurrences.

Outside, Armin shoved his hands into his pockets and Jean pulled the scarf up around his nose. It was turning into a long winter. It was already February and the snow hadn’t begun to melt.

Jean wanted to hold Armin’s hand while they walked. The northside wasn’t the safest place to be open. Jean himself had never encountered any harassment but he’d heard enough stories from people similar to him in the same neighborhood to know he wasn’t going to chance it.

Once they were on the tram, though, Armin leaned in close to him and put their gloved hands together. “This is what you wanted right?”

Jean blushed.

“You’re ridiculously obvious.”

“Whatever works. Right?”

Armin buried his nose in the fabric around Jean’s neck and sighed. He sounded content.

The mall was decorated in pink and red for the impending Valentine’s day which was now two weeks away. Jean wondered if they’d been together long enough to warrant gifts. It’s didn’t feel like it had been that long since Christmas. Speaking of gift giving he wondered when Armin’s birthday was and noted to ask him later.

The store they went to was the type of place young professionals shopped. It had collared button-up shirts, blazers, and slacks that were significantly better made than something from a superstore but significantly less quality than anything you would find at a specialty suit place. Armin put together an outfit and went to the dressing room. Jean sat bouncing his knee on the ottoman provided by the store in the dressing area.

Armin was being playful and kept throwing his discarded clothing over the door which made Jean laugh uncontrollably because he swore Armin could impersonate the song _I’m Too Sexy_ way better than Jean would have ever imagined possible. When he finally stepped out though Armin was looking critically at the waistband of the pants.

“What’s wrong? Jean asked getting up to stand beside Armin at the three-panel mirror.

Armin smoothed his hands down his sides. “They’re too big. The pants.”

“Did we grab the right size?”

Jean watched him swallow. “Yeah.”

“You lose weight?”

“I guess I must have.” Armin looked like he might cry. Jean knew he was missing something but pushing would only make Armin more upset. “I don’t eat a lot lately.”

Thinking back on it Jean almost felt responsible. On the other hand Armin never took off his shirt and it was harder to notice weight loss in the legs alone. Looking at him now though Armin’s cheek might have been a little more hollow. Jean stepped up and kissed his cheek. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll grab a different size.’

Armin didn’t sing while he took the pants off this time. When he came out next, though, the suit looked put together. It was charcoal blazer with a green button up and matching slim fit slacks.

“Gorgeous, baby.” Jean squished Armin into him and only let go when Armin complained he couldn’t breathe.

Armin seemed to be in a significantly better mood after that.

They walked hand in hand through the mall just window shopping. Armin dragged him into one of those mall galleries just as Jean was about to suggest they search for a place to eat nearby. Armin looked at all the photos and paintings with a defined subtleness that reminded Jean he knew very little about Armin’s past. He wondered if he use to go to things like this. It would make sense, his parents had been photographers.

He stopped in the last alcove. There was only one photograph on display there. There was an impractical looking loveseat that Jean watched him sit on, slowly. He followed and looked at the photograph. Armin had inspected all the pieces in the gallery critically then said his commentary on it before moving on. This one, though, he just stared. His face was blank and haunting like if a strong gust came through Armin might collapse in on himself.

Jean didn’t understand it. It was a large photo of a screaming man made up of hundreds of other smaller pictures of various parts of a ghetto. Prostitutes. Run aways. The homeless all made up this on picture. When he squinted he could see the piece better. The man was clutching at his bald head as tears streamed down his anguished face. He was wearing a black shirt that was just short enough to reveal the junction of his arm where there were bruises of various colors and deep scars.

Armin said nothing for a long time. When he did speak he gave no opinion. “What do you think of this one?”

Jean, startled, looked to Armin. “I’m not sure. It seems sad.”

“Sad? Not pathetic? He’s an addict. He did it to himself. Don’t you think?”

Jean shook his head. “No. It’s just sad. He’s sick. He can’t help himself, but he obviously wants to.” He licked his lips. “The reason it’s sad and not pathetic is because he obviously wants to stop but he’s just so deep in his addiction that he doesn’t care about the consequences.”

Armin stood and offered his hand to Jean. “You’re not critical enough.”

They kissed long and hard in front of the photograph as if that alone would make it like the moment previous had never occurred. Armin pulled away and ran his thumb over Jean’s bottom lip. “I - “ Armin paused, his face riddled with nerves. Whatever words had been on his mind were replaced. “I think we should eat.”

They left the mall and walked until they found a food truck. Armin’s face lit up when he looked over the menu. “Jean, they have clam chowder.”

He just nodded and Armin ordered for them. The food came in thick bread bowls and they sat on a bench not to far away under some heaters. Jean watched Armin take a spoonful and put it straight in his mouth. He smiled.

“Good?”

Armin nodded. “Almost like home.” Jean stayed quiet. He liked it when Armin talked about himself. “When me and my friends were younger we would ride our bikes down to the pier. You weren’t allowed to ride on the pier so we threw our bikes down on this little hill next to the pier and left them. All the way at the end was this stall run by a little old lady and her son. They had the best clam chowder. We’d go all the time.” Armin paused. “Ever wish you could go back and have just one more day?”

“Sure.”

“I’d probably choose one of those days.” Armin laughed fondly. “I’d even pick the day my bike slipped down the hill in the summer and when I went to go get it I slipped and slid ass first into the water. That  was a miserable ride home.”

“You know, your friends probably miss you.”

“I know they do.”

Jean left it at that. The sun was already setting. The days had been getting longer but not nearly long enough. They boarded the train after they finished eating. Armin fell asleep on him on the way back.

He got a text from Connie.

__

_you going to Marco’s wedding?????_

__

_Yea. Taking Armin too._

__

_cool cool. me and sash can’t. coworker’s gf finally popped and now he’s taken time_

__

_that sucks._

__

_yea. anyway will you take our gift?_

__

_no problem._

__

_thanks man. come pick it up before you leave._

__

_k_

Jean woke Armin up when they pulled into the station. “Wanna go home and fool around?”

Armin stretched and smiled up at Jean. “Can’t I have to go meet up with some friends.”

He felt his face fall. “Okay. Be careful.”

“I will. Thank you for today. I’ll text you.”

Armin stayed on the tram and went deeper towards the shitty rundown northside and Jean went home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So next THURSDAY the Reverse Big Bang creations can be posted. That being siad there is no update next week. Or the week after that. Yay we're back to larger chapters and now it's time to hiatus! 
> 
> My Reverse Big Bang piece is going to be posted over five days though. It's like a consolation prize. Yay!
> 
> Theories are welcome, Kudos are tops, and [tumblr](http://cunttwatula.tumblr.com/tagged/wgiw) reblogs are great!
> 
> Also feel free to read my other JeanArmin works in the mean time! See you next week if you please.


	22. The Boy Before Midnight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! The hiatus has ended. Bravado!  
> Things have happened in my life. I thought about not coming back for a bit, one of the reasons for hiatus, the other was because of work. I was just going to let this story go unfinished. But, I found my center and now I'm back and excited to be here.
> 
> Also, updates are now Fridays from this point forward.
> 
> So with out more to say here, let's continue.

* * *

 

Armin was nervous. Jean could tell. The closer they got to security at the airport the more Armin paled.

“It’s just security ‘Min. It’s not even the actual flight yet.”

“Right,” Armin smiled and fixed his eyes forward.

Jean went first though the old school metal detector and Armin followed. He watched Armin swallow before he stepped through removing his hands from his pockets. He let out a huge breath when he cleared security. He suddenly had color in his cheeks and Jean hoped the worst was over.

The flight was only four hours but they both slept anyway. Jean figured it was probably more because of the time they’d gotten up than anything. Marco’s wedding was at two in the afternoon so to budget time for checking in at the hotel and getting ready they’d taken the second earliest flight at seven in the morning.

As soon as they got off Armin found the bathrooms. The last twenty minutes of the flight he’d picked at the sleeve of his sweater but when he came back to meet Jean he seemed satisfied and relaxed, almost tired.

“You’re not going to fall asleep on me are you?” Jean asked when Armin came up next to him and turned into Jean’s body.

He shook his head as they emerged outside to the taxi lane.

“Jesus it’s warm!” Jean stripped of his outer jacket and then his sweater. “Guess this really isn’t the north anymore.”

Armin seemed frozen. He took off his jacket but kept the sweater on. “I don’t have anything on underneath,” he offered

“You could push the sleeves up.”

“I’m fine.”

Jean wrote it off and they got in the next cab.

The first thing Armin did when Jean opened the door to their suite at the Marriot was collapse on the bed and try to fall asleep. “‘Min you have to get ready,” Jean tossed their overnight bags on Armin and the blond seemed even more comfortable with the weight. Jean smiled to himself and relaxed his shoulders.

“Wake me up twenty minutes before you want to leave,” Armin muttered; his words were barely loud enough to be made out past the comforter.

“But you’re going to take forty to get ready.”

Armin reached out and wagged his finger in the air. “You’re the one who brought me along.” He fell asleep after that. He looked soft and warm on the stark white bedding. Jean’s chest felt tight and full. He had to tell Armin. He wasn’t sure when he would or how he would or even if he needed a big lead up to it but the love he felt was threatening to choke him.

Twenty minutes later Jean was putting on his dark blue button-up when he slapped Armin’s upturned ass.  The blond yelped and shot up; jostling the overnight bags. “Wake up princess.”

Armin blinked the sleep away. “Again, save that one for the bedroom.” He collapsed back down like he might convince the mattress to absorb him.

“C’mon. You have to get up.”

“Why?” Armin whined.

“Wedding.”

That at least convinced him to roll over. “Kiss me.”

Jean rolled his eye and leaned over the bed. They kissed one, two, three times before he pulled away. “Time to get up”

Armin did and went to the bathroom with his backpack.

As usual it took Armin twice as long as he said it would for him to get ready. “Jean!” Armin finally came out of the bathroom already wearing his green button up and slacks. “Do my tie. Please?”

Jean stepped up to him and did a single windsor knot. When satisfied Jean pulled him forward by the fabric playfully.

“Thank you.” Armin smiled appreciatively and pushed himself up on his toes to kiss Jean’s freshly shaven face. “We should get going.”

Jean grabbed their jackets and they went to the taxi he’d called earlier.

“You nervous?”

“What makes you say that?” Jean asked.

Armin shrugged. “You keep bouncing your leg. You only do that when you’re anxious.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I would hope I’d know. We’ve been together over four months now.”

Jean swallowed. “I guess I am a little nervous. I haven’t seen him since. Well since college ended.”

Armin scooted over to the middle. He put both of his hands on Jean’s face. They were warm and a little sweaty. “Look at me.” Jean did. He could lose himself in Armin like this. He would drown in the blue of his eyes and give limbs for those lips. “If you feel nervous, unsure, unconfident, hurt, sad, bitter anything Jean just look at me.” Armin kissed his forehead hard. “I’m all you need. You’re all I want.” He kissed Jean again. This time on the lips with just enough tongue to say this is real.

“What an embarrassing thing to do in front of a taxi driver.” They smiled. They kissed until Jean’s knee stopped bouncing and his chest felt so tender it hurt.

They tipped the cabbie double the cost of their fare and exited the car. The venue was modern. The roof slanted high to low. The high part was the awning to an outdoor patio. Stones made up most of the landscape apart from the man made river that bordered the property.

Jean made no move to step forward so Armin took his hand and tugged him into the building. Inside a very lovely young lady directed them out of the foyer into the back of the building where there was a surprisingly lush field of grass. Seating was set up on either side of the golden runner.

Marco was already standing at the altar chattering with a younger man who looked like him. Jean figured that was his brother. His face was as round as ever and his smile more radiant. He glowed the way Jean always remembered. He felt calm looking at Marco as if he’d casually come to the shore after a long journey.

Armin’s hand was warm in his and he honestly didn’t know why he’d been so nervous to begin with.

Marco noticed them and waved exuberantly. Jean waved back and they took some seats towards the back.

The wedding started fairly soon after they’d sat. Mina looked just like he remembered her. Only she had the personality and mature innocence to pull of a high low wedding dress without it looking trashy. The ceremony was drawn out and boring as far as most things go. Ceremonies were for the parents the after party was for everybody else. It was still beautiful in it’s own right. Marco cried during the vows and Mina wiped away his tears. They kissed and everybody stood and clapped as they made their way back down the aisle this time as husband and wife.

The guests made their way back inside for cocktail hour. Jean and Armin mostly kept to themselves save for the few people from college that had also made it and came over to make small talk. When orderves started rolling out Armin perked up.

“This is a fancy wedding. You know what that means Jean?”

“What?”

Armin looked at him, serious. “Stuffed mushrooms.”

Jean just shook his head but he nearly died laughing when one of the servers came by with a plate of mushrooms and Armin took the entire platter off her hands by pushing a twenty into her palm. Armin crammed two into his mouth and his eyes rolled back in his head. He swallowed saying, “Jean, they’re so good!”

To prove his point he picked one up and pushed it into Jean’s mouth.

Armin was wrong. They weren’t good. They were fucking phenomenal. “Fuck. It’s better than when you wear the socks.”

The blond laughed. “I might just have to take these away from you.”

“Please. No, baby I’m sorry.”

“How sorry?”

“So sorry.”

“Prove it.” Armin shut his eyes and opened his mouth. Jean smiled and fed him. Even he thought they were disgustingly cute right about then.

Another server came by with champagne and they each took a flute. It wasn’t until they were seated that their table mates informed them that the bar was open tab. Armin leaned in close, “I was going to ask how long we had to stay but now that there’s free alcohol...” Armin trailed off.

Jean pulled Armin close. “Agreed.”

Armin went and grabbed them drinks. He brought Jean a Long Island and a came back with a Fireball shot for himself and an imported beer.

The majority of the night the two of them stayed in their little corner and sipped their drinks. It wasn’t until much later in the evening after dinner, toasts, and the adults with children had left did they get up. Jean was just drunk enough to humor Armin for one dance. He even let him pick the song. Armin waited and when Sexy Back came on Jean knew by the way Armin almost choked on his fancy New Zealand beer that he was about to be dragged to the dancefloor.

Armin left his jacket and tie at the table and put his hair up in a sloppy ponytail as they made their way out to the middle of the floor. The blond let go. Jean was much less a person during the song and much more a prop for Armin to dance with. Not that he minded. Jean did what his feet would allow him and swayed just enough to cause a bit of friction as Armin ground against his lap.

By the time they were done Armin was smiling and breathless. The music died down a little and switched to something slow and romantic to let people have a break to go to the bar. Armin went to leave and Jean tugged him back. “Not so fast.”

“Jean I’m hopeless with slow songs.”

Ignoring him Jean ushered him close. “Just follow me. Okay?”

They swayed with about six other couples. Blue lights ghosted over them and Jean found that Armin had probably been lying about not being good at following. Armin’s head laid against his shoulder and Armin sighed. “They’re happy. Aren’t they?”

Jean looked to where Armin was staring at Mina sitting in Marco’s lap. “Yeah.”

“Are you happy?”

“Yeah I’m happy for them,” Jean meant it.

“That’s not what I meant.”

He pulled back just enough to look at Armin’s face. “I’m happy with you. Okay?”

Armin’s eyes fluttered shut and Jean kissed his nose. He looked back over to the happy couple and watched Marco get up to take a call outside. “I’ll be back.”

The song was just winding down and Armin let him go saying he’d be at the table when he was ready to leave.

Jean stepped out into the mild Arizona night just as Marco was hanging up his cell.

“Jean!” He lit up when he saw him. They embraced for a respectable dude hug. “I’m so glad you could make it.”

“Yeah man. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, unsure. “The wedding was great.”

Marco waved him off with an easy gesture of the hand. “Ceremony was a little rough. Mina told me if she hadn’t had you and your plus one to stare at she might have keeled over.”

“What?” Jean chuckled.

“Yeah. She said something about you two making faces at each other the entire time.”

Jean covered his face. “Oh. God. She saw that?”

Marco laughed easy. “It’s not a big deal. We had wanted something a little shorter but her parents had insisted on the traditional ceremony even if it wasn’t in a church.” He rubbed his head awkwardly. “That blond guy your boyfriend?”

“Yeah. He’s really great. You’d like him.” Marco’s face looked uneasy. “You okay?”

He sighed heavily. “Uh, no. Not really man. I just didn't know and now looking back on school and everything I did something really fucked up to you and now I’m thinking of all the time inbetween and I mean I use to wonder why we didn’t talk and now it makes so much sense. I mean Mina pointed it out to me when me and her first got together but I just - I was just a fucking idiot.”

“Woah Marco. Slow down.” Jean tried on a disarming smile and set a hand on Marco’s shoulder. “What are you talking about?”

“Back in school,” he sighed again. “You know I thought you were like me. But, you - you have a partner so it’s pretty obvious that you probably took the relationship we had seriously and I kind of stepped on your heart dude. Like, I’m fucking sorry.”

Jean use to think bitterly about Marco apologizing, but he just felt neutral. “Yeah. I mean it hurt when it happened. But I always knew you wouldn’t have feelings for me so don’t put it all on yourself. They say hindsight is twenty-twenty and I’m happy now so that’s what matters.” Jean smiled. “You know that guy, Armin?”

“Your partner?”

Jean nodded. “I think I love him.”

Marco’s face lit up. “Really man? I’m so happy for you.”

“I know we’ve been out of touch these last couple years but we need to fix that. I know Connie wouldn’t mind seeing you again. You and Mina should come visit the city.”

They talked for a few more minutes and both went back inside to their respective partners. “Let’s go.” Jean whispered into Armin’s ear.

Armin finished the last of his beer and they went out to the taxi lane. Jean sat on the driver’s side and Armin in the middle. Jean had thought Armin had fallen asleep and draped his blazer over him. It wasn’t until he felt Armin palming him through his slacks that he realized Armin was more devious than he’d given him credit for.

Jean looked at Armin’s face. It was the picture of innocence.

He was going to die. Jean accepted that. Amin was going to kill him here, in the back of this cab.

Jean bit his index finger when Armin undid his zipper and pulled his increasingly erect cock out. He tried to think of anything to stop himself from cumming. He was not known for holding out while intoxicated.

Armin’s grip was perfect, skilled, practiced. He knew how to adjust his grip according to which way his stroke was going. Jean’s breath started to come out slightly more ragged and he swallowed to try and regulate it.

Armin’s thumb always put just enough pressure on the head to make Jean wish he could find release. He wasn’t proud when he squinted his eyes shut just as they were pulling up to the hotel and grunted.

Jean looked up embarrassed and shared prolonged eye contact with the cabbie in the rearview mirror. Armin tucked him back into his pants and gave Jean’s crotch two little pats. Jean didn’t have to see Armin’s face to know the kind of smug smile he was wearing.

“Armin we’re here.”

His acting skills were surprisingly good when he sat up, “Oh.”

They got out and Jean tipped the cabbie triple their fare. He was going to go broke on cab fare.

Armin waited for him inside the lobby and when he saw him Armin’s face broke out into a huge grin. Jean narrowed his eyes. “Brat.” Armin just stuck out his tongue. “You’re going to pay.”

The blond skipped backwards before breaking into a run for the elevator. Jean chased after him.  Armin caught an elevator door just as it was about to close and scrambled inside squealing. Jean was on his heels and pushed Armin up against the far wall with the momentum he’d built.

His lips were insistent on Armin’s. Jean couldn’t be bothered to care that he was being sloppy and their lips were smacking so obscenely it seemed to reverberate throughout the whole space. Armin turned his head but that didn’t mean Jean was ready to stop. His lips went to Armin’s jaw and then down his neck. Armin was panting heavily in his ear as he sucked hard at his neck and then Armin was hitting his back. “Jean. Jean! Stop.”

He did and looked over the the corner where Armin was staring mortified. Standing there was a girl about ten years in age. The blush on her face was a shade of dark red Jean had never seen before. “I went to get a soda from the soda machine,” she explained.

Jean paled. “That’s great for you sweetheart.” He looked to Armin for help but instead he found that Armin was looking at the ground and rubbing his eyes with his pointer finger and thumb. “What, uh, what flavor did ya get?”

“Orange,” she said sweetly.

He nodded and bit his lip as he tried to find something to look at in the elevator. “That’s, uh, that’s a great flavor.” The elevator dinged as it came to a stop and the door opened. The young girl stiffly walked out and turned to watch the doors close again.

Jean collapsed with his hands on his knees.

“Oh my god.” Armin moaned. Jean stood having caught his breath and then Armin fell into him. “That was so embarrassing.”

“Not as embarrassing as what I’m going to do to you here in a minute.”

Armin looked at him exasperated. “How can you still be horny?”

“‘Min, you gave me a handjob in the back of a cab and when I was done me and the driver made eye contact.”

Armin blinked, innocent. “Well that was your fault.”

A smile broke out on both their faces and then they were kissing again rough hard and dirty until the elevator stopped to let them out. Armin skipped ahead of him and turned around. There was nobody in the hall with them. The blond bit his lip and undid his belt as he skipped backwards towards their room. Jean was surprised Armin didn’t trip considering how much he’d drank. Then Armin popped the button on his slacks and his zipper fell.

It was by sheer coincidence that Armin did this in front of their door. Jean fumbled with the cardkey for a moment and then they were stumbling over to the bed, shedding clothes as they went.

Jean was in just his slacks when he pushed Armin down on the edge of the mattress. Armin was still wearing his shirt, though now it was was only buttoned at his navel, as well as his briefs. He went to untie his hair and Jean grabbed his wrists from his position between Armin’s legs.

“I like it when it’s up.” He licked his lips. “You trust me?”

“Yeah,” Armin drew out his word.

Jean nodded and grabbed a tie off the floor. He was by no means a professional but when he sat back to look at how Armin’s hands were tied together so he couldn’t grab anything he was satisfied. “Too tight?”

“No.”

“Can you get out?” This question was more for curiosity than any other reason.

Armin shrugged. “Maybe. If I really wanted to.”

“Good.” Jean straightened his back and pulled Armin’s hips to his chest. He tilted his head down and nosed at Armin’s clothed balls. Jean opened his mouth wide and rolled Armin’s balls slowly against his tongue. He saw Armin’s cock start to grow and strain against the fabric of his briefs. “Like that Princess?” Armin’s cock jumped. Jean knew he liked it then, as if the large wet spot on the front of Armin’s underwear hadn’t been a clear indicator.

Armin was panting. “Jean I’m drunk and hard you better touch me soon or I’m going to scream.”

Jean responded by biting the inside of Armin’s thigh. “I don’t think so Princess.” He tugged Armin’s underwear off seeing as he now deemed them ‘in the way’ and threw them into the darkness. He slapped Armin’s exposed ass firmly and the blond yelped in surprise as he tried to wiggle away the sting.

Jean could see the labored rise and fall of Armin’s chest and the way the red from his cheeks was starting to color his chest. Jean smiled to himself; drunk sex with Armin was always the best. He dipped his head low and flattened his tongue against Armin’s puckered hole. The blond went stiff beneath him as Jean dragged his tongue forward over the soft skin behind Armin’s balls, over his scrotum, and up the shaft. He could feel Armin trying to buck upwards but Jean’s forearms kept Armin’s hips firmly in place.

“You fuck!” Armin all but yelled.

“Somebody upset I didn’t touch their tip?”

“Yes!”

“Maybe the Princess shouldn’t have given their boyfriend a handjob in a taxi.” He didn’t wait for a response knowing it would probably be snarky and quipped. Jean took his tongue back to Armin’s asshole and the blond gasped. He coated the tight muscle in saliva and pulled back just far enough to blow softly against the wet skin. Beneath his fingertips Armin’s thighs sprouted goose bumps.

Having gotten the reaction he wanted Jean went back to work flicking his tongue relentlessly against Armin’s sphincter.

Armin was starting to mewl. “Jean,” he panted, “Touch me.”

Jean probed Armin’s hole with his tongue and the blond arched his back.

“Jean!”

He kissed and sucked the soft spot behind Armin’ balls and tried not to be to full of himself considering Armin’s legs tightened around his neck in a vain attempt to keep Jean’s face there. Jean tongued the backside of Armin’s scrotum before sitting back on his heels. He took half a second to marvel at the way Armin was so quickly coming undone.

“Look,” Jean finally said and leaned forward to bite Armin’s thigh. “Your leaking like a virgin and I haven’t even touched you yet.”

Armin tried to squirm upwards. “Please touch me Jean.”

“Are you sorry?” Armin was a mess beneath him. Jean inserted a finger steadily into Armin’s rectum and worked him open as Armin’s mouth fell into an open ‘o’ shape. “You didn’t answer me.”

Once he was relaxed enough Jean added a second finger. It didn't take him long to find Armin’s prostate. He grazed it lightly and Armin’s eyes rolled back in his head.

Jean laughed. “There, huh?”

“You know damn well there, you prick.”

“Wow. What a mouthy Princess.” Jean curled his fingers and Armin’s legs snapped closed around his head. He was merciless in the way he kept pushing his fingers against Armin’s prostate. The blond’s bucking was becoming too forceful to contain so Jean pulled his fingers out completely in one swift motion.

Armin was huffing and he pushed the blond’s legs up towards his head. He leaned forward and peppered kisses over Armin’s flushed face.

“I was close.”

“I know.” He kissed Armin’s nose.

Armin mumbled.

“What?” Jean had heard but he wanted to hear it again. He let Armin’s legs down and crawled over top of him. “I couldn’t make that out.”

“I’m sorry. Okay?” Jean couldn’t contain the wolfish smile that made it’s way across his face.

“Thank you Princess.” Jean knelt between Armin’s legs and in one swift motion took half of Armin’s throbbing, leaking cock into his mouth.

He gasped and Jean felt Armin try to use his tied hands to push him further down his member. He went willingly. Jean figured he’d be nice, Armin had suffered enough.

Armin’s shaft throbbed in his throat and precum leaked over his tongue as he bobbed his head. Armin tried to buck upwards but try as he might he wasn’t able to find enough leverage without his hands to balance him and he more or less flopped uselessly up and down while crying out softly for more contact.

Jean obliged and slipped his fingers back in Armin. He could tell he was close. Armin was gasping and mewling like he’d just come up for air after nearly drowning. He sucked hard on Armin’s head and relentlessly stimulated Armin’s prostate and then Armin was cumming warm and thick in his mouth. Jean swallowed what he could and let the rest drip down his chin onto his slacks and the floor.

He cleaned up and Armin laid defeated on the bed with his hands still tied together. Jean tugged off his pants and laid next to him half hard but unneeding of a third round. He untied him, kissed Armin’s wrists before snuggling up under Armin’s chin.

“Did you really hate it?”

“The taxi thing?”

Armin nodded.

Jean shrugged. “No. But that doesn’t mean we should be trying to fuck in taxis.” He paused. “What about you? Did you like how things went for you?”

Armin nodded and Jean closed his eyes when Armin leaned down to kiss the top of Jean’s head. “Can I tie you up some time?”

“I’d be offended if you didn’t”

Jean began to feel sleep creep up on him and he couldn’t help how he noted they weren’t even facing the right way on the bed. But it was okay. Everything would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The real question is how many more times will they bang before it inevitably blows up in their face? The answer, one. They fuck one more time and it's 'off screen.'
> 
> Speaking of the end, were almost done. Like, hella. 
> 
> [IN OTHER NEWS! I am hosting a team based writing competition! Info can be found here! ](http://cunttwatula.tumblr.com/post/120780229771/hey-you-yeah-you-this-is-the-offical-jearmin)  
> Now, remember I work for tips.
> 
> Comment, Kudos and tumblr reblogs are appreciated. (tumblr post to be up later)


	23. Chase the Dragon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday!
> 
> Happy to see that this fic offically has over 1500 views!
> 
> [Now enough about this fic let me tell you about the Jearmin writing competition I'm hosting! It's a team based writing event! Teams this year are Team Canon vs Team AU. Want to know more just click the link! I hope to get more of you signed up!](http://cunttwatula.tumblr.com/post/121226625036/art-courtesy-jean-huh-kirschnickerdoodle-im)
> 
> That being said here's this week's chapter!

****

* * *

 

Armin paled next to him. They were flying out of another small airport about an hour from Phoenix. There was an area in the main lobby with monitors set up to show the departures and arrivals. Next to their intended destination it read _delayed_.

There were also TVs set up all throughout the airport. Most were set to news stations that were advertising some variation on the same breaking news. _Late Winter Storm Ravages Midwest._

They went through security anyway in hopes their flight would eventually be given clearance to take off. Jean noticed Armin wasn’t as nervous this time around though he did seemed troubled.

They’d been there for almost ten hours when Jean woke up from a nap he’d taken and really looked at Armin. He was sweating and his eyes looked crazed. “Hey, babe, you okay?”

Armin smoothed his palms out flat on his jeans. “I, um,” he swallowed. “I just don’t feel well.”

“Need me to go buy you a water?” Jean sat up suddenly attentive and pulled down his hood.

“No.” Armin’s whole body jerked and then he was on his feet stumbling for the bathroom. Jean followed close behind not even bothering to grab their bags.

“‘Min?” He called out. He got his answer when he heard vomiting from the handicap stall. He knelt down next to his boyfriend and rubbed small circles on his back.

When Armin was done Jean helped him to his feet and to the sink where Armin washed his mouth out. Jean put a hand to Armin’s head. “You have a fever.”

Armin looked gray in the fluorescent lights. He was deflated like the world was beginning to crash down around him.

“Let’s go sit. I’ll move our bags closer to the bathroom.”

They went back to the terminal and they saw people were getting up to leave. Jean went to security. “What’s going on.”

“They aren’t going to lift the wheels on flight 647 tonight. Tomorrow morning. Ten o’ clock.”

Armin was right behind him and suddenly Armin’s mood shifted. He pushed past Jean violently and screamed, “What the fuck do you mean? We have to get home.”

Security wasn’t so nice after that. “Yeah. You and about sixty other people.”

Armin looked like he was about to burst and Jean turned him by his shoulders and took him out of the terminal.

Jean took them to the taxi lane and they got in. Armin was coming apart very quickly. “Fuck I’m going to be sick again.” They hadn’t even gotten out of the parking lot. The driver stopped short and Armin flung the door open. Jean couldn’t help but notice that the grotesque contents coming up through Armin’s mouth was actually just stomach bile.

“Look.” The cabbie was short with him. “I’m not cleaning puke off my seats.”

Jean rubbed his free hand over his face. The other was trying to rub Armin’s back. “That’s fine. If he throws up I’ll give you enough money to get this piece of shit detailed, okay? Just take us to the nearest motel.”

The cabbie turned around and Armin shut his door. Jean tried to pull Armin close but the blond just shrugged him off. If he hadn’t been worried before he would have been now. He studied Armin. His blond hair had darkened from sweat and in some places was sticking to his face. His face was turned towards the sun, eyes closed. Armin’s body was shaking and yet his fingers were still scratching at his arms like his skin was coming off.

“Do you need the hospital?” Jean asked, voice low and concerned.

Armin’s eyes went wide. “No!” Jean recoiled and Armin must have seen how his reaction had startled him because he tried to compose himself. “It’s just food poisoning or something,” he mumbled.

Jean didn’t believe him but he couldn’t _make_ Armin go to the hospital either. “Were you feeling sick this morning?”

Armin just shrugged.

“Because you were kind of antsy this morning.”

“Just eager to be home.” Armin’s words were slow and calculated like he was trying to remain in this composed state for as long as possible.

The driver took them to a shitty motel six about five minutes from the airport. It wasn’t the best part of this town and when he managed to get them a room Jean saw it wasn’t the best room either. He stumbled in with their bags then went and got Armin from the car. The blond could barely manage walking he was shaking so hard.

They’d just gotten through the threshold when Armin started heaving. Jean scooped him up and took him to the bathroom. Armin scrambled out of Jean’s hands and hit the floor hard. He didn’t even care that the toilet was disgusting and stained his face was practically in the bowl as he vomited.

Jean was beside him holding Armin’s hair back from his face. “It’s okay baby just get it all out.”

In between vomiting Armin was crying and shaking. His sobs were loud and pained. He was mumbling like his tongue was too thick to form words. “I hate myself. Why am I like this. This is all my fault,” his words echoed in the porcelain bowl.

It seemed as if the vomiting had subsided and Armin collapsed against the wall. Tears were streaming down his face and he curled in on himself. He body was shaking so hard his teeth were chattering and his knuckles were white around his knees. Armin’s body gave way underneath him and he fell on his side like he couldn’t be bothered to keep himself upright.

“Let me take you to bed.” Jean went to pick Armin up and he burrowed further into himself. But when Jean touched Armin his heart broke.

“Don’t fucking touch me! It hurts! Don’t touch me!” Armin screamed at him voice shrill and dry. “I hate you! You brought me here! I fucking hate this I hate this. It hurts it hurts so much Jean.” His words broke over each other like glass plates falling off a counter.

Jean felt like crying but Armin was already doing that enough for the both of them. He knew Armin didn’t mean what he said but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. “Armin I don’t want to see you in pain. Please. Let me take you to the hospital. I don’t know what else to do!”

“No. No! NO!” Armin was pulling at his hair now and snot was leaking onto the cheap linoleum. “I can’t go there. I can’t go there.” Armin’s voice was sounding panicked and scared as the moments went on. He bit his knuckle. “I need it. I need it. Please Jean I need it.”

“What? What do you need Armin?”

A moment of clarity in the madness. “Flu medicine.” He sat up a little. “Please Jean. You can do that for me. Right?”

The better part of Jean told him not to leave Armin, but the look of hope and reassurance in Armin’s eyes made him relent. “Are you going to be okay by yourself?”

Armin nodded like his life depended on it.

“Do you want me to take you to the bed before I go?”

“No just go please.”

Jean hadn’t even taken off his shoes when they came in and the door was still open. He shut it behind him and found the closest drug store on his phone. He could walk there faster than it would take him to get a taxi back where they were.

Despite his lack of transportation Jean had only been gone thirty or so minutes when he returned. He’d bought everything he could think Armin might need. A thermometer, night time cold medicine, pepto bismol, crackers.

The door to their room was slightly ajar making Jean wonder exactly how much of a rush he’d left in. Inside the only light was from the bathroom. Evidently, Armin hadn’t moved. He pushed the door to the bathroom open and there was nothing but the vomit filled toilet.

He turned around with force thinking that maybe he’d missed Armin in the dark. Jean flicked the lights on. The beds were still perfectly made with those cheap sheets and blankets. He dropped the bag and rushed outside while trying to understand why the fuck would Armin leave when he could barely walk.

Jean turned sharply out the door and nearly ran into a man. He jumped having been caught off guard. The man was tall and lanky. His arms were covered in bruises and scared and his teeth were yellow and rotting. He scratched at his neck. “You Jean?” The man’s voice was rough from smoke.

“Yeah?”

He turned and rolled his shoulder in a way that said ‘follow me’. “Blondie’s in the office.”

Jean didn’t second guess the man and followed him to the main office. The office itself was rather run down with a tv in the corner tuned to infomercials and a paneled counter. The went through a door behind the counter to a store room. There was a cot set up in the far corner and the room smelled like vinegar.

Armin was sleeping. He seemed soft and subdued as if he hadn’t just been violently ill. He was using a woman’s lap as a pillow.

“He’ll probably sleep until noon tomorrow. He wanted us to tell you we gave him muscle relaxers.” The man shrugged. “Whatever.”

The woman whose lap he was in was stroking his hair back from his face and smiling blankly at Jean. “We helped him. He was in so much pain.”

The entire situation was making Jean uncomfortable. “Thank you.” He went to Armin and scooped him up. The man was limp from sleep in his arms.

Jean was almost out the door when the man stopped him. “You owe us twenty.”

“What?”

“For the, uh, _muscle relaxer_.” The man held out his hand. “Shit’s not cheap.”

Jean offered his hip. “Front pocket.”

Without hesitation the man pulled out a bill from Jean’s pocket without even checking how much it was worth and closed the door behind him.

He set Armin down on the far bed on the side closest to the bathroom. Jean kicked off his shoes and sat next him. He knew he wasn’t going to sleep. It felt like everything was so close to clicking into place and yet Jean refused to see it. Seeing it meant acknowledging that something was wrong.  

The rise and fall of Armin’s chest was too precious to ever find fault.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Did you miss the announcement up top!? I'm hoting a Jearmin writing event. Just follow the link for more info!](http://cunttwatula.tumblr.com/post/121226625036/art-courtesy-jean-huh-kirschnickerdoodle-im)
> 
> **NEWS:** I will be out of town next friday. That being said I will not be updating until the 26th. Sorry but I'm going to this festival in Deleware and then to Washington DC! Super stoked!
> 
> [In the mean time feel free to read my other works!](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mindlessadri/works)
> 
> While your thanks for the hours, days, and months I put into this fic are never needed they are certainly always appreciated!


	24. Get Low, Get High, Get By

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back from the east coast! Any of you go to Firefly? I was there and let me tell you I'm so happy to be back home.   
> Sorry for the late update. Next week's will be as scheduled, Friday.
> 
> We're approaching the end! Prepare yourselves.

* * *

Armin was sitting in his lap wearing a loose blue hoodie and sweats. The blond had slept the majority of the day. Jean assumed it was to combat whatever sickness had plagued him yesterday. Because it was a sickness. It had to be a sickness.

The moment they’d walked into the apartment Armin had sat him on the couch and curled up in his lap. His frame felt smaller somehow and Jean held him like glass promised to break apart at any moment.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Jean. I never meant it. I didn’t mean any of it.”

“I know.” Jean kissed him, Armin’s skin was cold on his lips. He felt like he was reassuring Armin more than Armin was reassuring him. “You’re sick Armin. It’s okay. I just want you better.”

His words only further upset Armin. His boyfriend’s hands fisted in his shirt and new tears fell on his neck. “Please forgive me. Please don’t leave me.”

“I won’t leave you,” Jean reassured with gentle hushing.

Armin clutched Jean’s jacket harder and sobbed. “I don’t want to be like this.”

“Just give it a day or two. You’ll feel better.” Jean pulled Armin close. “I can stay home with you if you need me to.”

The blond shook his head. “I’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.”

“Yeah. We will.”

* * *

Jean came home from work on Wednesday and Armin was sitting in the middle of his bed looking through the sketchbook he’d gotten Jean for Christmas. He blushed when Armin looked at him. He was pretty certain Armin was wearing little more than the sweater zipped up to his collar bones.

“They’re all of me,” Armin said slowly. He demanded no answers but Jean melted at his tone.

“Yeah. They are”

“I look pretty,” The blond questioned his word choice and looked to Jean.

“You are pretty.”

Armin laughed and an amused smile sprouted on his face. “I’m a man Jean.”

“You’re still pretty. And gorgeous.” He hung his coat up and dropped his phone on the couch. “And handsome. You’re everything.”

“I’m not any of those things.” Before Jean could protest, “I’m sleeping in all of these.”

“Yeah. I draw you sometimes when you nap.” Jean rubbed the back of his neck and walked towards the bed. “Is that okay?” His knees touched the mattress as he fidgeted on his feet.

Armin nodded. “I’ll pose for you. If you want.”

Jean felt his stomach drop. The gesture, simple as it was, seemed wildly intimate for him. “You don’t have to. I’m not even that good.” Armin crawled to the edge of the bed where Jean was standing and pulled him in for a kiss by his shirt.

“C’ mon. I’ve been thinking of what pose I could do all day.”

Jean relented. He nodded his approval and Armin pushed the sketchbook and pencil into his hand. “Sit right there.” Armin had already set up a chair for him. He sat just as Armin laid angled in the middle of the bed. The blond’s body lay so Armin’s head was closest to Jean and his legs extended to the opposite corner of the bed. He noticed Armin was wearing dark blue knee high socks and he swallowed.

Armin unzipped the jacket and let it fall open over his bare chest as he moved his left hand to touch his shoulder and his right arm to lay above his head. He crossed his leg at the ankle and let his knees bend naturally. His back arched just enough to hint at the taut muscle in his abdomen and his looked backwards at Jean. “Well?”

“Y-yeah. That’s great.” His tongue was thick and he felt stupid for barely managing the words.

Jean flipped to a fresh page and put pencil to paper.

Armin’s eyes swam with lust and a secret darkness and Jean tried his hardest to capture it on the page. It was easier said than done but he found a way that satisfied him. His pencil worked fast. First on the details on Armin’s face then his delicate fingers. Jean loved Armin’s finger. They were so slender and soft. Not to mention he knew what they could to to him. He paid close attention to the way Armin’s hair was mussed against the bedding and the way the late afternoon sun illuminated Armin’s blond lashes.

He was getting hard.

“Something wrong artist?”

“No.” Jean shook his head and completely ignored the satisfied inflection in Armin’s voice.

Armin’s smile shifted just the tiniest fraction and his face was suddenly flirtatious rather than dramatic. “I missed you today.”

Jean swallowed. His pencil worked the dips of Armin’s pelvis. “Really?”

“It was very boring without you.”

“Could have watched tv.” Jean suggested lamely in an attempt to regain his focus.

Armin stiffened for a second then fell back into his pose. “I broke it.”

“The tv?” Jean looked over the top of his sketch book and made eye contact with Armin.

“Mmm.” He affirmed.

Jean returned to his sketch. “Is that why you’re wearing the socks?”

“Partly.” He seemed honest. “And I want to have sex when you’re done.”

Jean adjusted his position to allow more room for his growing erection.“You’re not sick anymore?”

“I’m better. But you better finish that drawing. This might be the last time I offer this if you don’t.”

Jean nodded. “Yes sir.” They both smiled. “How’d you break it?”

“Tripped over the coffee table and knocked it off the stand. Screen shattered.”

He shook his head in understanding. His cock was starting to ache. He was going to fuck Armin good and hard. Jean could hardly wait.

* * *

It felt like the highs and lows were evening out. At the same time nothing had really changed. If anything Armin was more on edge with spring approaching. But he was softer. Gentler. More forthcoming.

Armin had just stepped out to have a cigarette when Julia called.

“What do you want?”

“Harsh, Jean.”

They laughed. “Seriously though. We don’t really do the whole phone thing.”

“Well I got big news.”

“Mom and dad found your pot and now they’re sending you to a commune?” He could feel Julia’s eye roll through the phone as he pulled on his sweater.

“Jesus why would you wish that on me?”

“I didn’t”

He heard noise in the background. “Yeah mom I’m coming!” He heard Julia sigh.

“Ma okay?”

“Yeah Mom’s just making a big deal. She’s insisting we go out to dinner.”

“Now I’m interested. The only time mom doesn’t cook is when she’s so excited she’s shaking.”

“Yeah well here it is. I got accepted to all my choices.”

Jean’s eyes went wide. “All of them?”

“Yeah. I mean I only applied to three plus the community college.”

“Julia that’s great. Do you know where you want to go?”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I applied to your college.”

“No shit?”

“I think I’m going to go. They’re offering me a ride for athletics.”

“That’s unbelievable. I told you track would pay off.”

Armin came back in and stood in the doorway. He waved Jean over. “Listen Jewels. I’m thrilled and we can talk as much as you want about this later but me and ‘Min are heading out and Ma wants to go.”

“That’s fine. We’ll talk later.”

“Hey,” Jean stopped her from hanging up. “I’m proud of you.”

There was a moment of silence then she spoke. “Gross.” She hung up without another word.

“Was that your family?”

Jean stood and went to Armin bumping his shoulder playfully. “Yeah. Julia got into all her college choices.”

“That’s fantastic! College is great she’s going to love it!”

“Yeah.” He locked the door then turned to Armin. “I didn’t know you went to school.”

Armin pulled his scarf up around his nose. “Well. Yeah. I just never mentioned it.”

“Did you finish?”

“Almost. Then, you know, life caught up to me.” Armin shrugged. “Aren’t we too old for dates?”

“Never too old.” Jean pulled them into an alley and they kissed while smiling. “Besides it doesn’t count if it’s a double date.”

Armin settled back down to ground. “I don’t think Connie likes me very much.”

“He’ll come around. He’s just,” Jean chose his words carefully. “Protective.”

Armin’s smile was soft and unsure. “Yeah. I’m sure he will.”

Jean smiled and his chest felt full and light. Everything felt perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> Remember I work for tips, because while me service is free you could throw a little something something my way in the forms of comments and kudos!
> 
> [In the mean time feel free to read my other works!](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mindlessadri/works)


	25. Pawn Shop Blues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Friday! I don't think anybody reads these. There's two maybe three chapters left. But the last two will probs be posted together because a week between them would be too much.

* * *

 

 

Connie and him were walking down the sidewalk on a cold Thursday afternoon. The snow was finally beginning to melt but that didn’t mean it wasn’t nippy.

“I think I’m going to ask Armin to move in.”

“He practically lives with you as is; how’s it any different?” Connie’s voice was flat.

Jean shrugged. The streets here weren’t familiar. They were still in the ghetto but it wasn’t _their_ part of the ghetto. “He’d have a key.”

Connie’s gaze was doubtful. “Let me just show you this before you make any decisions.”

“Is it a titty bar? Because I’ve seen them and they’re cool too.”

His friend smiled for the first time that day. “Don’t joke.” Connie looked up. “Here.”

Jean looked at the windowed storefront. _Pawn Shop._

Connie pushed the door open and they went inside. “How about you look around. I gotta take care of something.”

Jean nodded. The aisles were cluttered with junk from decades that had since become obsolete. He wasn’t sure who was going to buy a typewriter in this day and age but god bless them. The walls carried the more modern stuff. TVs, radios, cell phones, laptops.

“Jean!” Connie called him over.

He followed the sound of his friends voice to the counter.

“Check it out.” He pulled a necklace out of a blue box.

Jean’s face lit up as he brought the pendant close to his face. “Shit. It looks just like the one you got Sasha for Christmas.”

“No.” Connie put the necklace back. “It is the one I got Sasha.”

“How do you know?”

“I had it engraved with our anniversary date.” Connie was looking dead in his eyes like Jean was supposed to have a gigantic realization.

He just blinked. “Okay man what am I missing?”

Connie stepped around him and beckoned him to follow with a roll of his head. He lead them to the TV section. There on display was a TV very similar to the one Jean had just lost. “Sweet. It’s only a hundred-fifty. But my coworker said they have a spare they’d sell me for fifty.”

Jean felt Connie tense beside him. “Jesus Christ Jean. Is your head really that far up your own ass?”

He was suddenly defensive. “What the fuck man.”

“Look. Did it occur to you to question why we just walked thirty minutes in the cold to come to a pawn store that’s not even close to where we live?”

“ _You_ brought _me_ here so don’t get pissy because _I_ don’t know.”

“Ask me how I found this place.”

“What?”

“Just fucking do it man.” Connie’s face was beginning to twist with irritation.

Jean sighed. “Fine. How’d you find this place?”

“You know the scones Sash likes?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, the bakery moved a block north of here. I thought I’d surprise her by grabbing some since she doesn’t like to walk that far by herself and our schedules haven’t been meshing lately.”

“Okay. Where’s this going?”

“I wouldn’t have even noticed this place bro if I hadn’t seen _Armin_ walk in here.”

Jean scowled. “Again? Fuck man. I thought you said you were going to be supportive.”

Connie threw his hands away from himself. “I tried that man and something is _wrong_.”

“Oh why don’t you tell me how you _really_ feel Connie.” His voice was verging on venomous now.

“Connect the fucking dots man! This is your  TV.” Connie gestured to the screen.

Jean shook his head. He could not believe this was happening. “You don’t think there’s a company out there that made millions of these TVs and maybe one of them ended up here?”

“I’m not saying that isn’t possible but look.” Connie rotated the TV. Towards the bottom there was the remains of a sticker that had been torn off. “Didn’t yours have a sicker there?

Jean shook his head. “Yeah but you’re wrong. Armin has nothing to do with this.”

Connie slapped his face. “Look at the facts. Your money keeps disappearing and it’s not because of a loose money clip. Now Sasha’s necklace and your TV are in the same pawn shop? You really think that’s coincidence?”

“Rather that than the alternative! Because the alternative is my _boyfriend_ is stealing from me. Besides we don’t even know for sure this is my TV. It’s just a TV.”

“He is stealing from you!”

Jean put his hand between them decisively. “Not that it’s any of your business but I can’t really understand why Armin would steal from me when I don’t mind _giving_ him money.”

Connie open and closed his mouth like a fish. “Maybe he needs more than he’s letting on.”

“Connie you sound like an idiot. You practically followed Armin here and are coming up with all this shit on your own. It’s bullshit man. I love him and you’re shitting all over that. Honestly, I don’t need that.”

There was a pause then Connie looked up at him. “Fine, consider it gone.”

“What?”

Connie stepped around him. “Don’t call me when he breaks your heart because he fucking will. It’s only a matter of time.” Connie flipped him off without turning around and Jean was left standing in the middle of a pawn shop a mile and a half away from his neighborhood wondering why on earth Armin would ever be there.

* * *

It was evening and Jean was lounging in sweats on his couch. Armin had said he’d be out most of the night and not to wait up. He was going to wait up anyway.

Jean was in the middle of a rerun of Paranormal Investigators when there was a decisive knock on his door. Getting up he flicked off the tv his coworker sold him and looked through the peephole.

The figure was bulging in a cartoonish out of focus way but after a moment he recognized Sasha’s auburn hair. He undid the deadbolt and pulled the door open. “Sash?”

“Hey,” she smiled at him, unsure. “Can we talk?”

“Of course.” Jean stepped to the side and Sasha let herself in. He watched her take in the state of the apartment. More specifically he felt like he was watching her take note of just how much Armin there was. “So what did you want to talk about?” Jean asked as he collapsed against the closed door.

Sasha picked up a coupon flyer for the local grocery store off the table and shoved it in her bag. “You know. Stuff. Things.”

Jean felt his eyes roll and he pushed off the door to sit at the table where Sasha was making herself comfortable. “What kind of stuff? What kind of things?”

She sighed so heavy her bangs flew up. “You know Connie really cares about you.”

“Sash it’s probably better if you don’t get in the middle of this.”

Shaking her head she spoke. “I already am. I love Connie. I trust Connie. I love you. I trust you. I like Armin, a lot. But, I don’t know how much I can trust him. I know him differently than Connie so this isn’t just coming from a gut feeling. I work with him. Well, worked.”

“Worked?”

“Yeah.” Sasha took an envelope out of her bag and placed it on the table. “The owners thought they could do another employee but they can’t. I said I’d bring it by. He had your place listed as his address so...” she trailed off. They let the check sit in the middle of the table and Sasha continued. “Jean, he’s - Armin -” Sasha adjust her position and fisted her hands together across the table. “You know we were talking the other day. He loves you. I can tell. But, he’s afraid he’s going to hurt you. He literally doesn’t trust himself _not_ to hurt you, Jean.

Jean felt uncertainty creep through his chest like slimy tendrils. “But why would he think that Sash?”

“That’s what I’m saying, Jean. Relationships don’t usually work like that. I don’t know why he’s so convinced he’s going to hurt you. But, you’re close to him. Shouldn’t you have an idea?” Sasha stood adjusting her bag. “I know you love him Jean. I’m not going to tell you not to. But, consider this. Maybe, you’re just refusing to acknowledge his faults.”

“You think I’m being stupid.”

Again, she shook her head. “No. I think you’re a good person in love with somebody who might not deserve them.”

Jean was about to argue but Sasha raised her hand. “I know. It’s you who doesn’t deserve him, right?” He nodded. “That’s how it always feels.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, thank you for reading!
> 
> I really love Connie and Sasha, I often think about doing a stand alone fic for them..... with smut. So much smut.
> 
> Think you know endgame? DROP ME A LINE! Comment, review, whatevs.  
> Kudos are also nice if you haven't left them already!
> 
> You can find my other works in my profile should you be so inclined!


	26. Give It Up To Harry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit guys. It's been a crazy week for me. In the last three days I've gotten and new job and left my old one. It's liberating. And I was celebrating last night so that's why this is late. But again, holy shit guys! We're on the cusp of this fic's completion!
> 
> Also, I have to be responsible. Somebody on tumblr told me I should be tagging drug use. So, yeah, there are drugs in this chapter, again. I'm going to eventually go back and tag other chapters.
> 
> TW: Drug use

* * *

 

Maybe he was being stupid. Jean hadn’t brought the necklace or the TV up to Armin even after giving him his final check. It wasn’t worth upsetting him about unless he had concrete proof. He’d went back and asked the store clerk if they kept records of who sold them the items. He’d told Jean they did but weren’t public. He could understand that and there wasn’t anything he could do about it either.

The necklace was most likely just a coincidence. A stroke of good luck for Connie and Sasha. Besides Connie hadn’t followed Armin into the store. He’d just seen somebody that looked like Armin go into the pawn shop. At least that was how he was choosing to justify it until more evidence surfaced. Jean would have called to ask if this was a possibility he thought Connie would take his call.

The entire situation was stressing him out to the point that he’d managed to forget to charge his phone and it was now sitting useless in his bag.

He honestly had no idea what he was going to do. Breaking up with Armin wasn’t an option. By this point Jean was too attached. Even if Armin was stealing from him, which he wasn’t, he would have silently allowed him because in life Jean got to pick his poison and he would have picked Armin any day of the week.

On his lunch he went to the closest store and bought a charger and a coke. Jean had work friends and on his way back he caught some of them coming out of the office and they convinced him to grab burritos.

It was amazing, in an existential way, how things changed. One minute you were on your way home and then you were buying a stranger food. Then that stranger becomes the most important thing to you. You make plans. You forgive yourself, them, your past, whatever mistakes might be made in the future. You love again. You love enough it might kill you.

Jean plugged his phone in at the table they chose. One of the new guys in his department was telling an animated story about how the reason he’d gotten fired from his last job was because his old boss had thought her homemade fetish porn was safer on her work laptop than her home computer. _I swear guys! This guys balls were tied up so tight I could see the veins!_ Jean spit his drink up into the bottle and doubled over laughing. _Bitch fired me so I’d keep quiet. Got a good severance package, though._

Jean’s phone finally turned back on. It buzzed.

_Bzzzt._

Then it buzzed again.

_Bzzzt._

It kept buzzing.

_Bzzzt. Bzzzt. Bzzzt. Bzzzt. Bzzzt. Bzzzt. Bzzzt. Bzzzt._

“I didn’t know you had a ball and chain.”

The guys laughed and so did Jean.

“Ah shit! Jeanie-boy is whipped.” His boss reached over and ruffled his hair.

Jean shrugged them off. The smile on his face was right. He didn’t care what Connie said. Armin was all he needed.

_8 missed calls. 10 texts. 2 voicemails._

Jean frowned. That wasn’t right. Armin wasn’t like that. Armin didn’t even like to talk on the phone. Jean could only get text replies on especially good days.

The guys moved on and Jean put the phone to his ear.

_Jean. It’s Armin. I’m -_ his voice broke _\- I’m going to your apartment._

Jean moved on to the next one. It was only from about a half hour ago.

_Your phone’s off._ Armin sobbed. _Jean please come home I need you. Please._

Armin sounded broken and scared. It sent ice through his blood. Jean put his phone in front of himself and read through the texts.

_are you home?_

__

_can I come over?_

__

_I’m going to go to your place._

__

_Jean please come home._

__

_I need you._

__

_I don’t know how to deal with this please_

__

_please call me._

__

_Jean I don’t know what to do._

__

_I’m scared._

__

Jean stood quick, yanking his phone out of the wall.

“Everything okay?”

“I don’t think so. I’m going home.”

They guys all looked at him with concern but didn’t pry. They were just work friends.

As he walked he dialed. Armin’s phone just rang.

“Fuck,” he said aloud and turned his phone over to text.

_baby I’m on my way._

He got on the first train he could and took a seat close to the door. He knew this route better than any other. Five stops and he’d be home. He bounced his knee and ran his hand over his face. His phone got checked every thirty seconds it seemed. Armin wasn’t texting him.

Twenty minutes later the train pulled up to his stop and he rushed out. He was practically sprinting down the street to his apartment.

All he could hear in his head was the way Armin was sobbing and the way his voice seemed broken.

_I’m scared. I’m scared. I’m scared._

The words flashed in his mind.

He finally reached his building and ran down the stairs. He pulled out his key to unlock the door only to find it wasn’t locked. The door fell open.

His apartment was eerily still and quiet. The only light in the majority of the apartment was from the window. The light in the bathroom was bleeding out from under the door. “Armin!”

Jean closed to door behind him and went to the bathroom. He knocked. “‘Min?”

He knocked again and the door inched open.

Other times in life things changed when you opened a door.

It took a second for his synapses to process what he was seeing when the door fell open. There was Armin. Angelic, perfect Armin lying against the corner between the tub and wall. But then there was also things that didn’t belong. Button bags full of white powder. Orange pen cap on the counter. Spoon on the tub. Jean's tie from the wedding around his bicep. Needle sticking out of a bruised and scarred arm he’d never seen before.

His heart stopped. “A-armin.”

Jean felt his stomch churn and threaten to expel it's contents as he rushed forward collapsing in front of the blond. He took Armin’s face in his hands. “Armin. Baby wake up.” He begged over and over. Armin was unresponsive but he could still see the shallow rise and fall of his chest. His lips were a purple blue color and his skin was beginning to take on a gray quality.

_Think Jean think._

He tugged his phone out of his pocket while being careful to cradle Armin’s head against his chest and called Connie. He didn’t pick up the first time so he called again.

“What?” Connie answered.

Jean was trying not to sob. He knew he had to stay calm, but he could feel himself failing. “Connie! I - I don’t know what to do.”

He heard Connie shift on the other end. “Jean calm down. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I - I don’t know. I came home early because Armin was crying. And he’s in the bathroom and,” Jean gasped. “There’s a needle in his arm and he won’t wake up.”

“I’m on my way. Jean call nine-one-one”

Jean looked at Armin and suddenly he was convulsing. Whitish foam was coming out of his mouth and Armin fell out of his arm on to the floor. “Oh God! Oh God!”

“What’s happening Jean?”

“He’s throwing up or seizing, I don’t know which.”

“Turn him on his side Jean! Do it now.”

Jean did. “Oh Armin. Why? Why baby?” He sobbed.

“Jean. Focus. We’re going to hang up now and you’re going to call nine-one-one.”

“Okay.” He gasped.

He did as Connie told him.

_9-1-1 what’s your emergency?_

Jean tried to push noise into words and failed. Then he looked at Armin’s pained face and found them. “I think my boyfriend overdosed.”

* * *

Connie came back from the cafeteria with two coffees. He sat next to Jean in the hardly lit hall between the waiting room and the front lobby of the hospital. “Here,” He offered Jean a coffee. In response Jean wiped the snot from his face.

The hospital staff wouldn’t let Jean go back to where they were keeping Armin. In a way he understood; the family only rule was to keep the patients safe. Understanding this though hadn’t stopped him from making a scene in the ER waiting room. When they threatened to call security Connie had dragged him outside to a bench so he could calm down. At this point they’d been there the better half of the last ten hours.

To his credit Connie wasn’t being as big of an asshole as he could of been.

“You know I love you man.” Connie clapped a hand on Jean’s back. “I, uh, I didn’t _want_ this.”

“I know.” Jean could hardly speak his voice was raw from crying.

Connie pushed the forgotten coffee into his hands. “I talked to one of my nurse friends. She says he’s doing fine. Stable. He woke up long enough to answer a few questions but then he went back to sleep. He’ll probably be out tomorrow afternoon.”

Jean looked up. “Wait what do you mean he’ll be out tomorrow? He has to go to rehab. Connie! Did you _see_ the track marks?” A shudder ran through Jean at the memory of the sunken needle scars in Armin’s forearm and deep bruises on the abused flesh.

“Yeah. Yeah, I did.” Connie put on his EMT voice. “Rehab isn’t covered by insurance, man. It’s a personal expense.”

Jean started crying again. “I love him, Connie. I love him and it hurts. Why do I do this to myself? First the straight boy and then a heroin addict? I just,” Jean gasped. “I just want -” He thought about what he wanted. He wanted a nice quiet life. Maybe to travel around the country. He wanted to find a different job doing something better and a partner that would retire in California with him. But all those things involved Armin. “I just want a simple life with him. I still want him Connie.”

Connie rubbed his back firmly. “I know buddy. I know. It’ll all come together.”

Jean remembered a time when he was little and he found an injured kitten. He’d picked it up careful as he could and took it home. His parent’s faces had been skeptical looking back on the ordeal but Jean had been determined. He tried to feed the kitten and keep it warm but it was too late. The kitten died. Crying and with the kitten in hand he’d looked up at his dad, _Now what, Dad?_

_Now what?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, you all saw it coming. lol.  
> This is everything I've been building towards and while you were all supposed to know you were supposed to hope for something better. Much like Jean. Jean's just afraid of being alone guys. He's not dumb, just lonely and willing to delude himself other wise.  
> There's still more! The conclusion! I haven't decided if it'll be one or two chapters but it will be one update. Making next week the final update for this fic!
> 
> So now that we know what Armin's been doing how do you think it will end?
> 
> Comment would be great this week! It's your last chance to guess the ending! Kudos are always a nice pat on the back as well.
> 
> See you next week!


	27. Nothing Grows In Winter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is it. I'm sorry for the delay. I took an impromptu vactaion and have not had time for myself since I got here.  
> There isn't much to say here. I'll let you know everything you'll want to know at the end.  
> Happy reading!

* * *

 

A nurse brought Armin out in a wheelchair; though, he looked miffed about it like he’d argued with them about the necessity of a wheelchair in the first place. As soon as he was out the door he stood like he was trying to communicate he wasn’t as terrible as he looked. Jean was holding Armin’s favorite sweater and helped him into with tentative fingers. He opened the door to the taxi for Armin and the nurse handed him a collection of pamphlets for different rehab facilities as if he hadn’t stayed up all night researching the different ones already. He thanked her anyway and got in the cab.

The car started moving and suddenly Armin’s chest began heaving as he sobbed, silently at first but then in large gasping breaths. Jean wanted to reach out and pull him close but everything about Armin’s body language said not to. As if he wasn’t ready to accept Jean’s warmth. He settled on linking their pinkies and finding comfort in the heat of Armin’s skin.

Neither of them spoke. The silence between them was consuming and the sound of Armin’s cries was deafening on Jean’s ears. Everything he wanted to say, lament, or whisper to Armin felt inadequate.

When the cab stopped Armin got out as Jean paid the driver. Across the street two teenagers were sitting on the bench whispering sweet nothings. The bench was bordered by construction cones.

Jean remembered the time he’d bought Armin’s food and how afterwards he’d bounded away like gravity meant nothing to him. Watching the blond now as he walked heavily to the building Jean realized how wrong he’d been. Armin’s shoulders were hunched, blue eyes less blue and sunken, and his skin had taken on a chalky white quality. He carried with him the weight of his world.

Jean opened the door to the apartment and ushered Armin inside. The blond stood frozen in the doorway looking at the spot on the carpet where Connie had revived him. He started crying again. “I’ll go.” Armin stepped forward towards the pile of laundry on the couch. He was trying to walk strong but he collapsed on the carpet, shaking. “I’m sorry Jean. I’m sorry.”

“Baby. Armin, no.” Jean went to him and finally pulled him close. Armin was real. Armin was solid. Armin was alive. “Please don’t cry. I don’t want you to go. You don’t need to go.”

Armin’s tears were hot on his shirt. “But my stuff. It’s all out here.”

Jean pushed him to arm length. “I want you to get better Armin. I _need_ you to get better.” His voice broke. “I love you. I need you with me, baby. You have no idea how much I need you.” Jean wiped his tears away and gestured to the couch. “These are for rehab. I’m going to send you. I have to.” Jean’s voice broke on his words.

Armin’s eyes were wide. “You want me to go to rehab?”

“If that’s what you want. Please tell me it’s what you want.”

The blond laid down slow and easy to put his head in Jean’s lap. “I saw a girl die Jean.” Armin swallowed the lump in his throat.

“What?” Jean combed his fingers through Armin’s hair. He smelled like hospital soap and antiseptic spray.

Armin had fresh tears in his eyes. “I went to see my dealer. He operates out of an abandoned building and he lets people shoot up there.” His voice broke. “There was this girl. She was too young Jean. She was a baby. Only sixteen. Maybe older. Probably not.

“Her sister, Ella, I met her when I first got here. I think the girl’s name was Denise but we were calling her Dennys, like the restaurant.” Armin gasped trying to keep his voice even.

“Ella got her into it so she wouldn’t tell their mom Ella was using again.” A pause, “She took too much, Jean.” Armin’s dull eyes started overflowing with tears.

“I watched her shoot up. I knew she was taking too much but I didn’t stop her because - because I was too fucking concerned with shooting up myself. I thought - Hey, her sister’s here. Somebody else will tell her. I don’t know her tolerance. It’s not my business.” Armin rolled on the ground like he was in physical pain. He pounded at his chest as he gasped for enough air to finish his confession. “That’s what Harry does to you. He uses you up until all you’re thinking about is the next time you can see him so you can just feel normal.”

Armin’s breath trembled as Jean started to cry. He watched his tears darken Armin’s blond hair. Just when he thought Armin might have fallen asleep he spoke. “She laid down right next to me on the floor. She was smiling. Her smile was so pretty. Then her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she started seizing and vomiting.” Armin cried open and loud, “I knew she was overdosing! But I was too fucking gone to do anything! She drowned in her vomit because of me, Jean! I let her die.” Armin choked on his words. “She’s dead. Because of me.”

Jean knew it wasn’t what Armin wanted to hear and he felt like shit for not being able to come up with anything more comforting. “You know that’s not true ‘Min.”

Armin nodded in Jean’s lap. “Yes. It is. I was the only one there that probably could have saved her and I didn’t. I couldn’t. Because I’m a fucking ex-doctor junkie who can’t even help myself!”

His brain caught up to what Armin had said. “You’re a doctor?”

Armin shook his head and turned over to look at Jean. “I was almost a doctor.” He laughed, bitter. “You know what the EMTs do when they find drugs on a patient? They just hand them over to us. We catalog them and then dispose of them. I just started taking what was about to be trashed. That was really dumb because it’s not like I was at a loss for money to buy my own smack. But, hey, a junkie can’t go wrong with more junk. A two-hundred dollars a day habit will do that to you. Somebody caught on and they ordered a surprise sweep of the locker rooms. Guess what they found in my locker. A gram of heroin. That’s why I left. That’s why I’m here. I fucked up people’s lives there. Now I’ve fucked yours up. God why am I like this?” Armin sobbed.

“You didn’t fuck up my life Armin. Please. Believe me.” Jean bent down and kissed Armin’s cold lips hard and firm. He pulled back just enough to press their foreheads together. “You’re sick Armin. It’s okay. We can make it better. Let me take you to the rehab facility I found.” Jean swallowed hoping he could get through. “It’s on a ranch. It’s five hours from here but I’ll come visit every weekend. Promise. It’s set up like a bed and breakfast on this large property and there’s therapists on call at all times. I know you like to read. You always get the questions about books right on Jeopardy. They have these hammocks set up under the trees there and you could read.” Jean’s voice cracked. “I want to help Armin, but I know I can’t do it by myself. This is what I can do for you. Please let me do it. We’ll leave in the morning. We’ll rent a car and I’ll drive. We can stop and see whatever sites are on the way. It’ll be like the vacation I always wanted.” Jean tried a laugh.

There was a pause.”I’m scared. I’m going to start withdraw soon. I don’t want to go through that here. It hurts Jean. It feels like my organs are melting and I can’t be touched and if this is the last night we’ll be together for a long time I need you to hold me. ”

Jean paled. “Armin what are you trying to say?”

Armin sat up to face Jean fully. He didn’t make eye contact as he spoke. “Let me shoot up Jean. Just enough to take the edge off. They’ll have stuff to bring me down easy at the rehab center. Please I don’t want to do it again. It hurts. It hurts so much.”

“Is, uh, is that why you were sick in Arizona?” Jean licked his lips and suddenly the apprehension around security made sense.

“Yeah.” Armin tried to make eye contact. “I’m sorry.”

Jean paused as he weighed his options. “But, this means you’re going. Right?”

Armin set his hand on Jean’s thigh. “I promise. I’ll go to rehab Jean. I promise.”

Jean nodded to himself, coming to a decision. “Okay, but I want to watch.”

“What?” Armin’s face was suddenly twisted and fearful.

“I want to be there in case something goes wrong.” Jean swallowed and Armin just stared. “I watched you die ‘Min. You fucking died in my bathroom. If you’re going to do it I have to know you’re breathing the whole time.”

Several things flashed in Armin’s eyes. Fear. Hurt. Apprehension. Shame. And after a long moment Armin spoke. “Will you still love me afterwards?”

Without hesitation. “Yes.”

Armin stood and glanced behind himself as he went to the kitchen for bottled water and then to the bathroom. Jean followed silently. He could tell Armin didn’t want him to see and it was strange that it was in this moment he knew Armin was an addict. Armin was always firm on what he wanted and he’d compromised so he could push dope into his veins.

The whole process seemed surreal as he watched Armin lift the lid to the tank and pull out a bag with a needle, spoon, broken rubber band and a baggie of heroin. He sat on the toilet. “This is the last time,” Armin didn’t meet Jean's eyes when he spoke.

“Yeah.” Jean kissed him and sat on the edge of the tub. His skin itched.

Armin cracked open the water and poured enough to fill the cap then filled his syringe. He shot it right back out on to the spoon and used the plunger to help it dissolve the powder.

“Isn’t that too much?” Jean swallowed. Images of Armin seizing and vomiting came to mind.

Armin looked up for a split second. For a moment Jean swore Armin contemplated being snarky but all that came out was a quipped. “No.”

Armin set some cotton in the spoon then sucked up the solution through the needle. He put the body of the syringe in his mouth and tied off his arm. His veins bulged underneath scarred and bruised skin after a few good pumps of his arm. His fingers probed a few veins on his forearm before he settled on one and stuck the needle in smoothly before pushing the plunger.

Instinctively he reached out and squeezed Armin’s fingers. Armin’s face was impassive as he finished shooting up. He paid Jean no mind and it left Jean feeling like an outsider to Armin’s world.

Jean would be lying if he said he hadn’t wanted to cry or vomit. He never wanted this for Armin. He never wanted this for himself. He collapsed on his knees in front of Armin once the needle came out and wept in his lap.

“Shh baby. It’s almost over. I promise” Armin cooed. Words slurred and slow. “I love you.”

Jean cried harder.

Armin tilted Jean’s head up and held his eyes as he stripped off the thin shirt he was wearing. Jean let himself be manipulated as Armin then freed him of his own shirt. “C’ mon,” Armin encouraged quietly as he stood and pushed the waistband of his pants over his hips. He reached over to the faucet and turned on the shower.

The way Jean stood felt mostly mechanical. He couldn’t be sure how to feel now. All he knew was that he was confused and sad but the meaning of those emotions felt beyond him. Armin tugged Jean’s pants over his hips and when they were both naked he pressed their chests together.

Jean’s arms went around Armin’s waist as the blond left gentle kisses on his collar bones. After a moment Jean put his hand under the stream of water to test the temperature.

“Warm?” Armin asked quietly against Jean’s chest.

Jean nodded, “Yeah. You’re not going to fall asleep or anything right?”

Armin shook his head. “I didn’t use that much.”

They both stepped into the shower and let the hot water rush over them. Armin poured shampoo in his hand and lathered it in Jean’s hair. “You were right.”

“About what?”

Armin’s made a small tired smile. “Showering together is kind of great.” A pause. “I never thought I was going to get to.”

Despite himself, Jean smirked. “Told you. Ow. Ow. Ow.” He laughed. “You got soap in my eye.”

“Sorry,” Armin shoved a cold washcloth in his face and wiped. “Better?”

Jean shrugged. “Yeah. I guess.”

Armin pushed himself up and kissed Jean softly on the mouth. “Can we sleep after this?”

Jean squeezed shampoo onto Armin’s head. “You can sleep. I need to finish packing. Make some calls to make sure were good to go in the morning.” He used too much and made Armin’s soft hair into a mohawk that flopped over lamely to one side after a moment.

They switched positions and Armin rinsed. Jean watched the soap suds slide down Armin’s body and collect in the water around his toes. He ran the back of his hand over the track marks on Armin’s right arm. Armin stilled and Jean caught his eyes fearful and worried. “Why? Why do you do it?”

Armin licked his lips. “You know my whole life people were always telling me what to do. My grandfather loved me but he had expectations. My parents they loved me in their own way but they had no expectations. So here I am trying my best but it’s not enough. It doesn’t matter. My parents don’t care. My grandpa cares but he assumes I do too so it’s not a big deal when I get valedictorian. But I didn’t care. I just - I was just so stressed Jean.

“My grandpa’s a neurologist. He pushed me to be a doctor. He was all I had really so I just kind of blindly went with it. I got through pre-med okay. I still had Mikasa and Eren. Then I went to a medical school states away. Nobody knew who my grandpa was. Everybody in Maine had known him because he did guest lectures every once in a while. Nobody was telling me it was great to follow in his footsteps where I was. Or that medicine was in my blood. So I started to think maybe it wasn’t. Everybody else was there for themselves and I just - I didn’t know what I was there for anymore.

“School got hard after that. I didn’t even know if it was what I wanted anymore. I didn’t know if I actually wanted to be a doctor. I couldn’t pay attention in class and everything felt so fucking hopeless and abysmal, Jean. I guess I kind of always felt that way. Like not everything was black and white. Like I didn’t know what I was doing. Like I didn’t fit in my own fucking life.

“So one night I’m studying in the library and one of my lab partners starts talking to me and I was on the verge of breaking down. I was so stressed and the last paper I’d gotten back was shit so I just let it out I told him about how I felt. Then he said he knew the feeling but he had a friend that could help me. Honestly I thought he meant pot and I could rationalize splitting a bowl with him.

“We went to his apartment and he pulled out some tinfoil. I freaked out a little but he told me everything I heard about heroin was worse than it actually was and that he used on and off.” Armin’s breath hitched. “I was so desperate Jean. I wanted to feel better and that’s what it did for me. It’s not like pot or anything else. It’s like euphoria. Nothing hurts. Everything feels calm and I can actually think. I was able to actually do my work without wanting to throw up. I didn’t feel like I was sinking into the floor with every step I took. I felt great.”

Armin swallowed. “But then smoking it wasn’t doing it as well for me anymore and I was worried about my teeth. Stupid. I know. I mean it was still great but I wanted more. Shooting up wasn’t hard, I was in med school for fucks sake. And that was it. I was a goner. If I thought I felt good before whatever I felt then was godly. But after a while it’s not like that anymore. It stopped being about getting high and it was about being normal. I couldn’t function without it anymore but it was okay because I need it Jean. I need it. I’m not myself without it.”

Jean pet Armin’s head as the water turned cold. “You’re okay. You don’t have to feel that way anymore,” Jean tried.

Armin pushed back a little and looked to Jean. He leaned down to kiss him and when Jean pulled his face away Armin tugged his body close. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

* * *

Armin fell asleep as soon as he’d gotten into bed. He was sleeping shirtless which in any other circumstance would have made Jean happy. Now, though, Armin only did it because there was no point in hiding. Jean stood in the middle of his living room and finished packing for the morning.

Jean was still awake; tired and running on fumes but he didn’t feel he could sleep anyway. His mind was going a million miles a minute. He had more questions for Armin. Jean wanted to know everything he could about him. It might not seem smart or logical but he still loved Armin and he knew that would mean loving the parts of Armin that he didn’t love about himself.

Around one in the morning he realized he still needed the money. It’s not that he forgot but rather he’d been putting off leaving Armin alone to go out into the cold. Not to mention getting the money was going to be a process. Jean tugged on his overcoat and left the apartment, locking the door behind him. He went to an ATM and withdrew the full limit it would allow. He went to a handful more until all sixteen thousand eight hundred dollars sat heavily in the envelope in his pocket. Sadly, he thought about his half year off. He’d have to start his savings over but it was okay because Armin was worth that and he’d be starting over with Armin.

The apartment was quiet when he came back. He hung up his coat and took out the money. Only Armin shifting in the bed reassured him he was there.

Quickly, Jean went to the closet and stuffed the envelope of money under his sweaters then changed.

Jean crawled into bed and Armin shifted close to him. Their chests touched and Armin’s bare arms snaked around his neck. He opened his eyes the smallest fraction. “I really love you, Jean. Please remember that.”

“I know. I love you, too.” The sensation of Armin’s body comforted him. He hadn’t slept the night before or today but now that Armin was here and they were set for tomorrow he felt ready to let exhaustion take him.

Armin’s eyes fluttered open. “This will probably be the last time we sleep next to each other for a long time.”

“Yeah. But I can come visit. I’ll come on the weekends. Like I said. I won’t let you feel lonely.”

That seemed to satisfy Armin and he smiled. “I know you’ll come and I know you won’t.” He snuggled closer to Jean. He felt Armin’s lashes close against his collarbone and his heart twisted. Armin spoke again. “Promise me something, Jean.”

“Sure. Anything.”

“While I’m gone - do something that makes you happy. I want you to stop going through the motions of living and actually do it. Okay?”

“Sure, baby.” Jean kissed his eyelashes.

“And please don’t be mad at me.”

He took a moment. “You’re sick ‘Min. I’m not mad.”

“Tell me you love me again.” Armin’s voice was half asleep.

“I love you, Armin.”

* * *

Morning came unforgiving on the last day of winter. Jean woke up and looked around the apartment. It was later than he had planned to leave but they were pretty much ready to go as soon as he was dressed.

“‘Min. Wake up.” He rolled over to shake Armin.

He was gone. Jean sat up and blinked confused at the empty side of the bed.

“Armin!” He shouted and his voice echoed off the walls of his apartment. He threw off his blankets and walked to the door to see if Armin was smoking in the hall. He wasn’t.

Jean was trying not to panic as he ran his hand through his hair to help him think. He turned around and noticed Armin’s bags were gone.

“No. No! No!”

He was moving faster than he could think. Jean went to the closet to grab the money. He was going to find Armin and convince him to go to rehab if it was the last thing he did on this Earth. Jean’s hand dove between the sweaters and he felt thin paper. Not the thick material the envelope was made out of. He pulled it out and turned the neatly folded square over in his hand. With shaking fingers he opened it up. The page had little wrinkly spots like the person who wrote it had been crying as they did so. He was struggling for air before he even read the neat, thin cursive.

_I’m sorry, Jean. I love you._

_-Armin_

Jean didn’t want to believe it. He threw all the clothes in his closet on the floor looking for the envelope but by the time he’d torn the last shirt off it’s hanger he had to accept it. Armin was gone and all he’d left him was a note that didn’t really say much of anything.

He felt numb. The world could have been ending outside and Jean would have been none the wiser. The intense feeling of betrayal gathered in the pit of his stomach and exploded through his veins as anger. He crushed the note in his hand and stood.

His muscles ached with the weight of his grief, but he couldn’t idle. Armin was out there. Cold, alone, and probably really upset at himself. He stepped over the mess he made in the closet and into his apartment. There was still a chance. There had to be. He couldn’t let himself believe Armin had chosen heroin, just like he’d never let himself believe Armin was an addict despite all the signs. He found his coat and a pair of shoes. This couldn’t be the end. Armin, he needed him curled up at his side in the morning and sitting with him on the couch in the evening. Jean thought of the weight of Armin in his lap and the heat of his tongue in his mouth as he climbed the stairs to the main road. He remembered the time Armin told him he’d wanted to be and orca whale when he was a child and how Armin had giggled when Jean had showed him his ugly baby pictures.

Jean pushed out into the street and  jumped when he saw Connie and Sasha approaching his apartment. They stopped short and he quickly wiped at his eyes, which were wet and irritated.

Connie stepped forward, “You said you were going to call when you were on the road. We tried calling and got worried.”

Jean looked at the ground, shame welling in his chest. Connie had been right. He couldn’t even be sure there was a point to hoping he’d find Armin.

There was a weighted pause between the three of them and Jean watched Connie look over Jean’s state of dishevelment. Regretfully Connie spoke. “He left, didn’t he?”

He lost his thin veil of composure and sobbed, broken and throaty, there in the middle of the gum stained sidewalk.

“Oh, Jean,” Sasha came around Connie and put her arms around him. She pulled him close; after a moment Jean put his arms around her back and tugged at her thick jacket

He cried into her shoulder. His sobs were hardly muffled by the fabric. “I love him Sasha. I love him so much.” A whimper. “He said -” His voice broke over his words. “He said he loved me too.”

She pet his hair. “He does Jean. He does love you. He’s sick, Jean. Armin doesn’t know what he’s doing.”

“I don’t know what to do Sash. I feel so fucking broken.”

She shushed him. “Listen to me. Armin didn’t want this for you. He never did. This has to be what he thought was best for you. Even if it hurts. You can’t make him better Jean.”

He looked up, over Sasha’s shoulder. Across the street the sidewalk had little pieces of twisted rebar sticking up. Jean took in the scared urban cement that had once held a bench that never had any business being there in the first place.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I hurt you but maybe you can trust me long enough to let me give you some reassurance. There is an epilouge. It's not currently written. I planned on writing after the next piece I'm going to begin posting. Originally the fic was supposed to be done to begin posting next week then I got in a creative slump and well, here we are. I still plan on releasing the epilouge after I begin posting my next work. It will be posted as soon as it's finished. The reason it's not done now it becausethis was the story I wanted to tell. The epilouge, for me, is something that's only really for you guys.... assuming you want one. 
> 
> Thank you everybody for your readership! Seeing as this is the last chapter please comment or kudos if you haven't already!
> 
> I'll see you all soon!
> 
> Don't forget if you want something happier read my [other works](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mindlessadri/works?fandom_id=721553)!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Feedback is always appreciated and feel free to speculate.
> 
> You can contact me with questions at: cunttwatula.tumblr.com
> 
> Songs:  
> All Apologies - Nirvana  
> Habits - Tove Lo


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